How to communicate with a person who has experienced the loss of a loved one - personal experience of different people. How to communicate with a person who has experienced the loss of a loved one - personal experiences of different people Dream Interpretation - Son

We are all constantly being persecuted problems that darken our lives. A small salary, a nasty boss, an unfaithful husband, a boring job, unfinished repairs, a broken car, an overdue loan, a harmful neighbor. And how funny and absurd all these “sorrows” become when real trouble knocks on the door and real grief comes to the house.

When death picks up loved one - this is a blow from which it is very difficult to recover. And we easily resign ourselves if an old grandfather, who has long been burdened by his own existence, passes into another world. “He suffered and departed in peace,” we sigh with bitterness, but partly with relief, sympathizing with the difficult existence of an old and sick person and implying that death saved him from his suffering.

But what about death of a child? After all, this happens, and you don’t know how to behave in such a situation. People have long said: “God forbid anyone outlives their own child.” When life leaves a child, still so innocent, whose soul just yesterday was full of unrealistic, now, dreams. How often did he say “when I grow up…”. It is difficult to imagine what a person who has lost a child has to go through. How to support him, what words to find to ease his pain?

We humans are exceptional clubfoot in terms of . Even those of us who manage not to constantly put pressure on people’s sore spots are considered a very tactful person. And, of course, we are afraid to act in a situation where we have to support a person who has lost a child, because we are afraid of further aggravating his already terrible condition.

But hide from a person, having decided that it is better not to interfere, and to give him a little time to come to his senses, under no circumstances. We are all scared to look into the eyes of a person whose child has died. But we must understand that this fear is nothing compared to what he himself is experiencing now. We do not have the right to be cowardly and remain on the sidelines, hiding and withdrawing, reassuring ourselves that it will be better this way. It won't get better because the person needs support. Many who have experienced such grief recall that one of the most terrible stages was the alienation of loved ones, acquaintances and friends, who disappeared from the horizon and did not appear for a long time, and sometimes even crossed to the other side of the street, just to avoid meeting them.

Don't hide and don't be afraid, find the courage to show participation and help the person, support him. But it needs to be done correctly. Those of us who are not marked by cowardice, however, often make many stupid mistakes when trying to support a friend.

One of the most common (and at the same time one of the most absurd) mistakes is sincere appeals to a person sobbing with grief, calm down and stop crying. Of course, it’s hard for us to watch someone hurt, but sobbing and tears are a way for a person to relieve himself of unbearable emotional stress, and under no circumstances should they be interrupted. It is better not to say anything at all in such situations.

Stage one of sobbing and denial, which people who have lost a child have to go through in such situations. The most you can do is hug the person and simply rub their back, patiently, until they finish crying. Words are unnecessary, since there are no words that will bring the deceased back to life, and there are no words that can fill the void in the soul of a parent created during the death of his child.

Second stage- this is the stage. It is accompanied by an impulsive search for someone to blame. Very often a parent begins to blame himself and his spouse. It is necessary to show complete leniency towards any attacks and accusations against anyone. Of course, these accusations are mostly irrational, but there is no point in trying to argue with a person. Just reassure him unobtrusively, and stop trying if he rudely stops them. He needs to get angry: aggression gives vent to emotions, and during such mental trauma, the human psyche will try to throw out tension in all ways available to it.

Third stage there is a state of depression. It is one of the heaviest. At this stage, you cannot be obsessive in your support, since every call you make to “talk about it” will be a bitter reminder of the recent tragic event. It is better to talk with a person about something very routine, neutral and abstract. Be around more often, but move away as soon as you feel that the person wants to be alone. Just make it clear that you are ready to help and listen any time you need it. If possible, you need to do something to distract the person from his difficult thoughts.

One of effective methods struggle with the trauma caused by a tragic loss is the so-called aestheticization of grief. At the sites of major disasters or terrorist attacks, large mournful memorials are often erected, which serve people as some kind of consolation. They come there on a certain day, lay flowers, and this, to some extent, helps them overcome their misfortune.

To the parent with a heavy loss Taking care of the grave, arranging a monument or site will help. Many may think that this is dwelling on grief, but in fact it is good, and there is no need to dissuade a person from such decisions. It is better to support him and provide all possible assistance.

Bad things happen. None of us are immune from this. For some, faith brings relief and he convinces himself that God’s ways are inscrutable, that everything in the world has some specific purpose. One way or another, we are never prepared for something like this to happen next to us, to one of our relatives or friends. But we must be brave enough not to abandon them, not to hide in our own shell, but to come to the rescue and, if possible, share this heavy burden.

Seeing your son handsome and healthy in a dream foretells receiving news of his happiness and well-being.

But if in a dream you see that he is sick, wounded, pale, etc., then expect bad news or troubles.

If you dream that your son killed you, then after your death he will inherit your fortune.

A dream in which you saw that your son died portends you great concern about his well-being.

Sometimes such a dream may indicate that your child is in excellent health and your worries are unfounded.

If your son calls you in a dream, then soon he will need your help.

If you dream that you have a son, although in reality you do not have children, then you will have to bravely endure future troubles or material losses.

Sometimes such a dream warns of great experiences. See interpretation: children, relatives.

The dream in which you saw that you had a son foreshadows worries and worries.

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Dream Interpretation - Son

If you dream about your future son, whom you see as handsome and well-mannered boy, V real life this means that your career will take off and this will become a source of pride for you. You will strive for a higher position.

If you dreamed that your son is not good-looking or suffers from some kind of abnormality, then in reality beware of trouble.

A dream in which you see your son screaming and begging for help portends grief and failure in business.

I remembered it by chance and decided to put it in a pile in case it came in handy for someone.
My friend’s first and only child died. I asked in a closed community for advice on how to behave more correctly when communicating with her.
Below I copy, without links, some responses from survivors of a similar tragedy and their loved ones.

I had a negative example of such communication, but I’ll tell you just in case.
A good friend got pregnant at 7 months premature birth, the child did not survive. I found out about this when I called to find out how things were going. She said that I was sorry and asked if I could help with anything. Then she interrupted me and said: they say, you are probably happy to yourself that my child died, you don’t want your own. And she hung up.
To be honest, I didn't call again. Then she contacted me herself, as if nothing had happened. I understood that here my call itself was like a wound. She got in touch herself about six months later. Moreover, she was already completely cheerful, positive, making plans.

A friend of mine died, but I didn’t find out about it right away, after the funeral. I didn’t know how to react, our relationship was good, but not particularly close, I somehow didn’t dare call or come to her, I wrote a letter of condolences and transferred money. Then, about six months later, she told me that she felt, in her words, “plagued,” almost all her friends gave the same reaction as me - they emotionally distanced themselves, she had no support, no one wanted to communicate with her - I think people just didn't know how to help her...

I, one might say, had such an experience.
I tried not to interfere, because... I doubted it myself, but didn’t pull away. This is very individual, for some, after time, on the contrary, people need to be interested.

I had more successful and less successful experiences, it seems. Less successful - with an old friend. She was expecting a child, she really wanted it, but a week before giving birth, the child died. We are in different countries, and I absolutely didn’t know what to say or do, especially since at that time I was recovering from my second miscarriage and it seemed inappropriate to compare situations. I wrote something, but the words all seemed empty and meaningless, and there was no opportunity to come then. That same year, I met a young woman who had lost her 3-month-old daughter to sudden infant death syndrome. She talked about her daughter, and we listened, and for her it was such therapy. She is a doctor herself, and this added tragedy to her story (although much more tragic) - she saw that everything possible was being done to save her and knew that nothing could be done. Then she said that these conversations and stories to unfamiliar people really helped her overcome grief. And I myself noticed that it was much easier and much more useful for me to talk about miscarriages on LiveJournal (to friends, but most of whom I had never met in real life) than to my old friends and family.

My mother-in-law's first girl died. It was still a pain for her after her other two children had grown up and had grandchildren. And she needed to talk about it from time to time, as if the pain periodically accumulated and needed to be released.

My eldest daughter died when she was less than four years old. Before that, I had many girlfriends and acquaintances, but only a few remained - it became difficult for me to communicate. It’s hard to predict how to behave here.
I think that you need to send a letter or SMS with serious, but somewhat abstract words of sympathy (not in the spirit of “how poor you are,” but in the spirit of “a lot of terrible things happen in life”), and after that never be the first to talk to a friend about the topic of loss child, but listen to any of her words about this. everything is individual, but it was easier for me to maintain relationships with those friends who behaved this way, and did not look at me with “over-sympathy”, which made me feel inferior and crazy

I only encountered great grief when my colleague’s young wife, whom he very much loved, died. loved. she had cervical cancer, she was about 30 years old. They had a child. Even before her death (the doctors almost immediately said that there was no hope), the three of them went to a psychologist, decided how to prepare their three-year-old son, how to cope with her death for her and her future widower. then he himself wrote an invitation to everyone to the funeral. and we all (colleagues) wrote him letters, postcards, some texts. he answered everyone! I understand that everyone experiences grief differently. he needed to do something in her memory. write invitations. arrange a beautiful, thoughtful funeral. answer letters. somehow throw out this grief, talk about it.

I support all the comments that suggested being honest about your feelings. and also not to crush with pity, keep some distance, but be ready to help and - most importantly - let your friend understand this. When they begin to feel sorry for me with a tear in their voice about the fact that I lost my mother early, it is very annoying, although I have absolutely nothing against healthy sympathy, it is even very pleasant and useful to me, because, as has already been noted here, sometimes I want to talk, it really somehow accumulates, even after many years.

It is very important to speak out - I judge by myself. I have an absolutely pathological family - I buried two brothers, they were already adults and no one in my family discussed anything. as if nothing had happened. And it was important for me to tell my friends about my brothers. I think you need to write that you are ready (if you are really ready) to listen to her, that she can write or call at any time.

Last year I had a grief, my loved ones died... After the first death I talked about it at work, received a comment from a colleague “you suffered so much with him, nothing would have come of him anyway.” After that, she closed herself off and didn’t tell anyone about the subsequent losses, sometimes she spoke, but was met with withdrawal, it really was like the plague. Six months later I began to tell some people, I told my best friend, but there were no details, just as a fact, and in response to clarifying questions I said that I didn’t want to talk about it. Now almost a year and a half has passed, but it still hurts, sometimes I cry. And when we were getting together with the class for the graduation anniversary, we went to visit the class teacher, one of my classmates spoke on a similar topic, but so easily and without tragedy, I felt like my best friend She took my hand tightly. I myself didn’t feel how petrified I was just with a calm mask glued on. She supported me like that and this is probably the most valuable sympathy I have received.

They lived in a small town, dreamed of a child, but their first 2 babies died in the first days after giving birth. Just in this article (in Russian) there is not a word about the fact that those children who are on formula die.

Cesarean birth, green water, swallowed, pneumonia, cysts in the Tushinskaya children's hospital. 20 days at home, by ambulance to Morozovka with I think that all people are different, you know your friend better... When my child died, I didn’t want to see ANYONE, I even avoided my parents.

A friend is in trouble. ...I find it difficult to choose a section. Child from birth to one year. 11/13/2016, Sunday. International Day of the Blind. When I gave birth to my first child, a woman whose baby had died was lying in the same room with us - I felt terribly painful for her...

A friend and her husband are about forty, they buried a child, they will come to their senses, how to move on? The couple was looking for a child of a certain age and appearance. Their child had just died. the child was needed.... in general, I don’t agree that parents need words of support. Just no.

In general, one and a half to two months after giving birth (that is, the first six to eight weeks) is what she needs kind words support, attention and REAL help (buy groceries) If the baby began to cry in the short moments of their communication, the friend became numb with horror.

A month before the birth of my children, a friend gave birth to a stillborn girl, the fetus died due to the fault of the doctors - also tea. The therapist’s words: “If you lie down for a week, they will cleanse your liver.”, as an option, it was also suggested. After the first birth, I was discharged on the 12th day, and my neighbor was in bed for 16 days. .

And now, 2 months have already passed after giving birth, I’m afraid of death, I’m afraid that people close to me will die, I’m crying. Yesterday a friend came to visit me, we haven’t seen each other for a long time, she has two children. What is it that I felt immediately after giving birth, when there is no rest day or night, baby everything...

And the next day, and then. This was at 15.5 weeks. And then I fully realized that I was now a mother of two children. After giving birth (having seen enough of my friend) I’ll start drinking OK, and I won’t give up condoms, God forbid... Yes, the second one is good, but in 5-7 years, when before...

5 years later, my friend’s older brother died... I still can’t get through to my mother - 2 years have passed since the death of my second son. with CHILDREN is the key word! Agree. communication and help to children, as well as help to anyone, can bring the author’s friend out of her grief. which is what I'm saying...

You can expect congratulations on your child’s birthday from friends who have children. to my friends without children, even in How and why does a doctor examine a baby immediately after birth. The birth history indicates the date and hour of birth of the child, the sex of the child, its weight and height...