Adolescence is a serious challenge for both the child and his parents. Teenagers often argue with their parents and are rude to them, trying to achieve greater independence and a minimum of control from adults. This is a natural stage in a teenager’s growing up, however, during this period parents have to deal with disrespect for themselves.

In situations where your teen's behavior becomes increasingly problematic, it is important to resolve the difficult situation before it gets out of your control. Let's look at the typical problems that modern teenagers face and how parents can help them.

The main problems of modern teenagers

Teens are obsessed with gadgets

The current younger generation spends most of their free time on social networks, for them it is a way to stay always in touch with their friends. Many teenagers are addicted to computer games and do not consider this hobby to be their problem at all. However, spending too much time online can interfere with other aspects of their lives, such as studying, helping with housework, and self-development.

To avoid many problems with your child in the future, install a computer in the common room of the house so that you can monitor your teenager. Enter a time limit rule for computer use. In addition, you can set parental controls to block sites and programs with inappropriate content.

Teenagers are rude to parents

Rudeness, hostility and rudeness are a very clear change in the behavior of a teenager and one of the main problems of modern teenagers. You may not even notice when your affectionate child has turned into an irritable teenager who behaves disrespectfully, speaks rudely and ignores all your rules. Teenagers begin to behave according to their own behavior patterns, which should be different from the behavior of their parents.

Unfortunately, at this age, teenagers value the opinions of friends much more than the opinions of relatives. There is a slight danger in this, since teenagers largely succumb to the influence of others. Be that as it may, it is important to demonstrate basic standards of behavior to the child and establish rules of respectful communication in the family.

The teenager often lashes out and rebels

Any words provoke a teenager to rage and anger. Mood volatility and swings are a problem that teenagers face every day. Teenagers tend to scream and immediately cry, stomp their feet and run into another room. And all these emotional reactions can be very spontaneous and violent. They are often the result of physical and hormonal changes that a growing child experiences. However, this behavior seriously complicates communication with him and prevents you from establishing a trusting, calm relationship.

Try changing your tactics in raising a teenager. For example, instead of moralizing and giving advice, sympathize with him. This will allow you to avoid unnecessary conflicts in the family.

Teenagers tell lies

There are many reasons why a teenager might lie. And he doesn’t think at all that lying can become a problem for a teenager. Although he may lie, for example, in order to hide some facts from his parents.

Teenagers think that in this way they are asserting their independence and self-sufficiency. Of course, when a child hides the details of his life, this can alert parents. They may decide that the teenager has fallen into bad company and is involved in illegal activities. It may also mean that the teenager will not ask you for help if he needs it.

In this case, if you often catch your child lying, take care of your reputation first. That is, if you are too strict a parent for a child and he thinks that you will kill him for his offense, then of course he will be afraid to tell you everything.

Only trusting, partnerships, an atmosphere of mutual understanding and trust can break down the barriers between you and a teenager. Let him know that you will forgive him for his mistake, but do not stop being demanding and consistent in your upbringing.

Teenager comes home late

Teenagers often deliberately violate the established curfew. Such a protest may be an unconscious manifestation of independence.

Before you start a scandal, try to find out whether the curfew set by his friends' parents is really much later than yours. Make your child promise to warn you if he is late. And have preventive conversations with your child so that he is warned about the consequences of antisocial and illegal actions.

Teenager chooses bad friends

You may feel that some of your growing child's friends have a negative influence on him. However, this is not always a cause for alarm and is often unjustified.

A teenager can be very attached to his friends. And then any criticism addressed to them will be perceived sharply, as personal criticism. In order not to lose your child’s trust, it is better to refrain from making harsh, unfounded comments towards his friends.

The only exception can be a company of drug addicts, bandits and other antisocial groups. Here it is necessary to intervene in time, isolate and save him from this problem of modern teenagers.

Problems of teenagers of an intimate nature

It is natural for teenagers to have an increased interest in sex due to increased hormonal changes in the body. It is important to make sure your child has a healthy understanding of the possible consequences of unprotected sex.

Teenager is a bad student

Or doesn't want to study at all. This is another problem of modern teenagers. The point is that a teenage child’s horizons broaden significantly, their worldview changes, and studying at school itself becomes less valuable for him.

Academic motivation decreases especially during the period of active growth of a teenager at about 13-14 years old. And this is precisely the period when there are still 5 years before graduation from school and the teenager simply loses internal motivation. That is, he thinks: “Why study if there are so many different perspectives around?” or “I won’t need biology in my life”

In order to help a teenager, it’s time to do career guidance. Make him think about the question of professional self-determination, starting with the simplest: “What do you want to do in life?”

Even if the child answers you sharply: “Nothing!” believe that he will look for the answer within himself. And it is also very important to improve your school results. Tell your child why it is needed, explain its importance and significance for his future education.

Teenagers at school

Teenagers at school

Overestimating the length of time they have lived, many are often surprised: “Did this really happen to me? Why did I suffer so much from this? Unfortunately, only after the goals it seems that children's problems are nothing. But during the learning period, everything seemed so difficult - both in class and outside of class. Let's talk about this topic.

I'm not a child!

It is not at all a fact that schoolchildren, having studied together for a certain time, completely become accustomed to the team, and there can be no reason for concern. In addition, by the age of 12, teenagers at school feel like adults. Many former authorities are crumbling. And new attachments do not quite meet the moral criteria that are close to adults.

The postulate “schoolchildren must study” is relevant at all times and no one disputes its importance. But it’s so difficult to force yourself to do anything when:

• “I don’t want”, “I can’t”, “leave me alone”, “I’m not small” - the basis of the child’s protests;
• first love appears, often not platonic;
• attempts to assert oneself through expensive things become a measure of success;
• clearly displayed arrogance and permissiveness are more important than such generally accepted moral norms as restraint and good manners;
• clarification of relationships even between classmates with whom we have known each other for many years takes on a completely different character than before;
• no grades are important, it is not clear why to study: everything is already there, or you cannot achieve what you want immediately;
• teachers are disdainful;
• Spiritual contact with parents has long been lost.

Many complications that occur in adolescents at school are related to these problems.

Help me grow up

All this is important for children and for you, if they are dear to you, and their future is not indifferent. Reinventing yourself and everything around you before the age of 18 is not always a smooth and pleasant process for a child and his parents. When teenagers at school really feel all the signs of their maturation (physiological and psychological), the help of parents is so necessary. Only close people are able to soften the first blows of life if:

• they try to support the child in any situation, not blindly believing that the child is not capable of a bad act, but having studied the situation in which the conflict arose;
• never insult anyone - neither a teenager in front of teachers, nor teachers or classmates in front of him;
• do not forget, while respecting elders and instilling this feeling in schoolchildren, that adults can also be wrong;
• If they don't cope, don't despair. Having gained patience, leaving more time for joint walks, outings with classmates, they participate in organizing events held in the classroom;
• communication with teachers - not from time to time and when necessary, but constant.

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Today we will talk about school problems of teenagers and how parents can help their children solve school-related problems.

It is known that seven year old children They go to school with pleasure and easily absorb new knowledge. Therefore, in elementary school, difficulties usually arise against the background of insufficient mental and emotional readiness of the child for learning at school. Problems in the family also affect the child’s emotional background and, as a result, affect his grades.

In elementary school, cognitive activity is leading, which coincides with the objectives of school education.

With the coming adolescence A diligently studying child suddenly loses interest in studying. When school teachers' councils sum up progress for the period, you can see how the number of "good" and "excellent" students decreases from class to class.

What happens to a child during adolescence?

The teenager now tries to do his homework as quickly as possible (and often simply cheats from a classmate during recess). The educational material is not mastered, ignorance grows like a snowball. By the end of the period, under pressure from parents and teachers, the teenager tries to solve problems with his studies and, with the help of the “cs” drawn by the teachers, crawls into the next class. In fact, he is completely unprepared to study in the next grade, so last year’s situation is repeated. The teenager gives up, apathy and reluctance to learn sets in, because for him the lesson is a dense forest from which it is unknown how to get out. In this situation, some teenagers sit in class, lost in their thoughts, others begin to violate discipline and disrupt lessons, others simply skip all school classes or only certain especially unloved subjects.

Psychologists have found that a widespread reason for poor academic performance among adolescents is the lack of adequate motivation and studies. The child simply does not want to study, the parents’ attempts to exert pressure do not increase motivation, or, under the influence of fear, the teenager takes up studying for a short time.

Teenagers do not understand why they need to learn things that will not be useful to them in the near future. Parents’ threatening statements that they need to study are an empty phrase for a teenager. It is not a fact that with a good education you can get the job you want and a decent salary. Teenagers realize that many “cool” guys did not shine in their studies.

In adolescence, relationships with peers become a particularly important component. It is important for him to establish himself in the eyes of his classmates. If you cannot realize yourself and achieve success in your studies, violations of discipline and absenteeism are used.

Remember when a teenager lost interest in studying. What was happening in the family at that time, how were relationships with classmates.

To increase motivation, teenager need to interest. The teenager should have a vital target. Then the will to overcome obstacles will appear.

When having a confidential conversation with a teenager, tell him that he is free to choose: to study or not to study. But be sure to explain to the teenager what the consequences will be as a result of his choice. Now it seems to him that at school they give little useful things that could be useful to him in later life. Life is long, and who knows what may be useful and what may not.

Explain to your teenager that it is important in life to be a successful person, to be able to build relationships with different people, and to get along with them. While you are young, there is no need to fight for survival. You can also abandon your studies. But several years will pass, and the teenager will need to take responsibility for his life himself, to achieve everything himself.

If possible, let the teenager get some kind of physical work during the holidays and feel all the “charm” of unskilled labor. Let him see for himself that employers prefer to hire people with higher or special education.

I also advise you to pay attention to the teenager’s inclinations and discuss the prospects for studying in this area.

Explain to your child that to work with your hands you also need to obtain the necessary minimum knowledge at school.

If a teenager has a goal, then there will be motivation. As a result, he will begin to study without parental control.

Do not rush to provide help with studies if the teenager does not ask you for it. The initiative must come from him.

If your studies have been started, then do not expect instant results: there may be both steps forward and setbacks. It is important for parents to support even the slightest success of their child. Sooner or later your efforts will bear fruit. When deciding teenagers' school problems It is important to maintain mutual respect and support in the family, and gaps in learning can be gradually eliminated.

When a child moves from primary to secondary school, many things change in his life. There was a balance in the lower grades; everyone had already gotten used to the way the teacher treated them. In high school everything starts all over again. There are more and more teachers, and each has their own attitude towards students and their own requirements. And it is not uncommon for yesterday’s excellent students to become C students. Sometimes it is at this time that classes also change, that is, the teenager has to re-establish relationships with peers. In order for adaptation to new conditions to take place more or less calmly, parents need to take into account several points.

The first problem a person faces during adolescence concerns his own body. At this time, the child begins to grow and develop rapidly. It is difficult for him to get used to the new “shell”. He begins to be very concerned about how he looks in the eyes of others. The teenager does not yet understand that appearance is a reflection of the inner world; he is interested in “appearance in general.”

Even early adolescence is characterized by sudden mood swings and types of reactions that are not very common for humans. Reactions that are strange even in the eyes of a teenager only aggravate the situation. The teenager feels that they don’t understand him, that he is worse than everyone else and that he has no one to even talk to about life. And often this is true, since it is at this time that a person begins to perceive himself as separate from his loved ones. For him, it is much more important how his peers treat him than the opinion of adults, including his parents.

It is these psychological characteristics that often cause problems with academic performance, which are so common at this age. For a teacher, a teenager is first and foremost a student who must be taught at all costs. In addition, the type of learning activities changes in secondary school. It requires more independence from the teenager. Already a fifth grader should be able to independently set problems and find ways to solve them. If a child is given enough opportunities to demonstrate independence from a very early age, adaptation to secondary school will be much easier.

The relationship with the teacher also changes. If in the lower grades the teacher was an unquestioned authority for the students and behaved accordingly, then in high school the atmosphere becomes more democratic, and the relationship between the teacher and students becomes freer. And this is not perceived adequately by all teenagers. Some begin to consider the freedom given as a weakness of the teacher. This is especially true for teenagers raised in an authoritarian family.

The situation is significantly aggravated if the teenager has poor academic skills, as well as if he has poorly developed motivation to study. In addition, the level of education of parents often does not allow them to help their grown child. Not everyone can even control educational activities. It turns out that the teenager is really left alone with his problems, and from this they only grow.

The resulting lag in learning largely contributes to the emergence of negative character traits. It has been observed that children who are behind in their studies become more aggressive and rude. This is understandable, since a person needs to somehow establish himself among his peers, so he finds ways available to him.

Parents of younger teenagers require special attention. If your child fails to adapt in the fifth or sixth grades and begins to lag behind in his studies, he is unlikely to be able to catch up with his peers. At this time, it is especially important to maintain a trusting relationship with a teenager.

Try to maintain regular contact with your class teacher and other teachers. You must always be aware of school affairs and take them seriously. However, at this age the child is interested not only in school. School performance becomes an additional way for self-affirmation, but not the main one. Pay close attention to what circle your child is in, who he is friends with, what his interests and the interests of his peers are. Control is needed, but it should not turn into surveillance and petty supervision. Remember that in front of you is already an almost independent person with his own life goals and aspirations, which are useful for caring parents to know about.

A teenager's home should be a fortress where he can always find support and protection. Despite the fact that at this time a person feels independent from his parents, he still cannot do without a family, and his future life largely depends on what the relationships in the family are like. Solving school problems also largely depends on parents. If parents understand the value of education, if they have managed to develop in their child a persistent interest in learning, which even changed circumstances cannot extinguish, everything will be in perfect order.

This is how it happens - you raise, feed, don’t sleep at night, and then “bam!” - and like a bolt from the blue, the difficult teenage period, with all the ensuing consequences. And it seems that we raised the child correctly, provided everything, but the result is diametrically opposite.

A child, growing up and becoming an independent person, as a rule, “tests for strength” all the principles that were carefully laid in his head by his parents and teachers. And sometimes this does not go very smoothly, to put it mildly, affecting all areas of life. How to notice teenagers' problems in time and solve them?

Teen problems at home

Problems in relationships with a teenager are only a consequence, and the cause, as offensive as it may sound, is in the parents.

Consciously or not, we reproduce the model by which we were raised. And in those days people were not very puzzled by this question at all. As a result, many mature people still cannot find a thread of understanding with their parents.

• 0-5 years – child-Tsar;
• 5-14 years old – child-student;
• from the age of 14 – a child-friend.

At the age of 14, it is impossible to force a teenager to act in the way you want, arguing: “Because I said so, that’s why!” Also, you cannot allow an eight-year-old child everything and not punish him in any way.

Some people believe that children cannot be punished, that this is how distrust in the world is formed. Then it is not clear what kind of world these people are preparing their children for? Where can you do everything, always? Correct punishment develops the child’s ability to associate a negative action with a negative result and creates responsibility. And it’s scary to imagine a society of people who believe that everything is possible and do not distinguish “good” from “bad.”

The other extreme is punishment as a means of expressing one’s own negative emotions. When punishing a child, it is necessary to set the goal of developing his ability to think about consequences. But, of course, at 14 it’s too late to educate. Everything has already been laid down and now all that remains is to “reap the benefits.” At this time, the best solution would be to listen to the child, why is he doing this? And try not to give critical assessments.

In our society, the system for regulating human behavior is based on a feeling of shame under the slogan: “Oh God! What will people say! Shame, by default, is associated with a feeling of conscience, which is of a different nature. Shame involves an external negative assessment of one's actions. You need to be good, otherwise, God forbid, someone finds out how bad I am! It turns out that when no one sees, you can be anyone.

Conscience does not imply external evaluations and is based on self-respect. I want to be good because it makes me respect myself more and makes me feel more comfortable. Or I don't want to. Conscience is an internal independent feeling. And if the problem of shame can be solved by playing the right role, then the problem of conscience cannot be overcome and you cannot run away from yourself. Therefore, you need to place the accents correctly.

And the most important part of raising children is raising yourself. It is impossible to give a person what you don’t have. It is stupid to talk about the dangers of smoking with a cigarette in your mouth. It’s stupid to talk about the dangers of a computer while spending days and nights on social media. networks. It is impossible to instill respect for parents in a family where parents do not respect each other or themselves. Children are our distorting mirror and they subtly sense where the truth is and where there is substitution.

Problems of teenagers at school

Let's not spend too much time analyzing our education system. Let's just say that it also has its imperfections. Its main position is to develop what does not exist. If a boy does not understand mathematics, but is an excellent student in physical education, the teachers will certainly recommend that he be assigned to solve linear equations. And everything is fine with physical education - why develop it further? And if he didn’t sit down to solve them, it’s time to turn on the shame mechanism. We call the parents and let’s reprimand them – absenteeism, bad grades, behavior. In such a situation, any good parent will join the teachers’ position, and maybe even take the belt.

When solving teenagers' problems at school, choose wisely which side you're on. Remember that a child is a person with his own characteristics and desires. Every person has the ability to do something, does something well, but is not able to do something. There are no universal people; it is impossible to be an expert in everything. It is clear that good grades are needed to enter college and become a person. But when choosing the right life for our child, we often forget that a child is not property or raw material for the production of a “super-person”. Family is given to a person for support, not manipulation. Therefore, every time you hear something about your son or daughter, do not rush to conclusions and punishment. Teachers come into our lives for 10 years and leave, but your relationship will remain...

Problems of teenagers in relationships with peers

Many parents find themselves deaf and mute when teenagers have problems in relationships with peers, considering this problem to be insignificant. While for a teenager this topic is the most pressing. Teen relationship problems manifest themselves in two ways:

1. bad company;

2. lack of friends.

Every child wants to take a certain position among friends and classmates. Some people need the role of a leader, others just a good friend. Parents, meanwhile, believe that this is all nonsense and do not listen or hear the child at all. Or, even worse, after hearing something, they begin to speak negatively about his friends. The cure for this is trust. And not only the child should trust you with what worries him. You must trust your child to make choices for themselves. Only this is the key to a sincere relationship.

And the most important advice in communicating with a teenager is to give up the idea of ​​​​regaining your former power over the child! Be his senior friend and assistant, this is the only way to maintain your authority in his eyes.