The child is afraid to sleep. A child is afraid to sleep alone: how to help a child cope with fear
29-10-2006, 17:59
Until recently, everything was fine - in the evening they washed themselves, went to bed, read a book or she listened to a fairy tale on a cassette tape, the lights turned off, the door did not close, she lay quietly in her room alone and gradually fell asleep. Since the summer of last year, she began to sleep and fall asleep alone, but then I don’t understand what happened, at first I began to notice that when I went to check on her a few hours after she went to bed, she was lying with her head almost covered, I lowered the blanket - she was still wet , just right through the pillow and hair and pajamas and blanket, and lately she has started not falling asleep for a long time at all, and also covers herself with her head, and apparently because of this, she feels hot and uncomfortable under the blanket, then she begins to cry quietly and begins to vomit , sometimes I even feel a little nauseous. I began to find out what was the matter, why she was covering her head, she said that she was scared, which is why I couldn’t find out exactly what fear was, I tried to persuade her not to cover her head, I said that there was nothing to be afraid of - the door to her room was open, The light in the kitchen and in the bathroom is on, so it’s not so dark in the room for her, that dad and I are not sleeping yet, that we are nearby and all that, I started leaving the night light on for her, she still covers herself, doesn’t sleep, cries, etc. I don’t know what to do anymore. During the day everything is fine, no whims or hysterics. Healthy. We go to kindergarten, everything is fine in the kindergarten, the atmosphere in the group is good, the teachers are excellent. Before going to bed, there are no hysterics or conversations that she is afraid and does not want to go to bed. Why then does she start covering her head, maybe she just made something up for herself? Maybe someone has encountered the same problem and can advise something. Maybe these are some specific fears that appear in children at the age of 5, huh? What to do? Which specialist should I contact? Will a neurologist or psychologist be enough? Thanks to everyone who responds!
Gingerbread
29-10-2006, 19:01
It's best to go to a psychologist. Maybe I saw something scary on TV, they are very impressionable. My Sonya was afraid of the dragon for a long time after watching Shrek. I kept asking: “Isn’t there a dragon in the crib?” So at three years old children at least talk about their fears, but at four they can already be shy. And he can tell a psychologist that this is a fairly common problem today, too much information is available to children, sometimes very negative.
Don't worry, go see a psychologist. Good luck!
29-10-2006, 20:49
We had this too, and I decided to sleep with her (at least fall asleep)
Then everything went away on its own... The psychologist explained to me that this is the “age of fears” (sometimes the child doesn’t even know who he’s afraid of)...
The dog really saved the situation; one day I heard a child talking to himself: “Well, THEY will definitely be scared of our dog!...and they won’t pass, because the dog will tear them to shreds!”
And who, THEM?
29-10-2006, 21:08
It's starting to happen for us now... but we're talking... if I lay with her until she falls asleep...
A rich imagination comes up with SUCH things that the hair begins to move, while we don’t even watch TV (exception - Good night, if you are not busy at this time, and then - because of Luntik...).
In our house, it turns out, there live invisible people, good and bad, a plantain (this is a human creature that leaves dirty footprints in the dark...), a dead witch lady (where this person came from in my daughter’s head remains a mystery), which turns people into ignoramuses and which must be disenchanted, because someone bewitched her too.... the director in the attic (works at night, makes phone calls and prints checks... - no comment... - this is the legacy of Pippi Longstocking ...), the Pomogashek family (they also work mostly at night, what exactly they do is unclear, but we are definitely not afraid of them...)....
These are the cases we have, these are the ones that I have heard about more than once, and which I could remember right away. And so new characters appear in stories almost every week.
And what else is hidden in her head?!?
The kind and funny ones are told during the day, the scary and unkind ones are told when we lie together before going to bed... not right away, of course, if you ask and listen.
It seems to me that at this age - after 4 years - thoughts about death begin to appear (for us, at least, it has just begun - “did he die? For good?”....).
We didn't go to any doctors...
TanNik, the child’s logic is five points!
And our savior is a cat... from some fairy tale, it seems that the brownie was scared of the cat... and it stuck in his head...
29-10-2006, 21:13
Mine had something similar. Our grandfather came up with the idea of driving away fear before going to bed (when the child is already in bed). They did this: they took their favorite book (“The Big Book of Smeshariki” at that time) and waved it over the child, creating a breeze and driving away fear. After this ritual I fell asleep normally. Then everything went away.
29-10-2006, 21:57
We've been doing the same for about half a year now. I read that at 4-5 years old children develop all sorts of fears, incl. fear of death - yourself, mom, dad. This is connected with the development of the psyche. We have fears in our dreams: he says that he has terrible dreams. Which ones he rarely tells. in the summer in the south she told me something about a terrible sea witch. Why sleep, but she roars like a beluga and says that she won’t sleep. We drew the witch and Sasha herself. they caught the witch with a net (well, everything was drawn in the picture, then they put her (the witch) in a hole, covered the hole with a grate, hung a big lock, and threw the key into the sea. Then they tore up the whole thing and left only Sasha, the conqueror of fears. She is drawn by We lived on the sill for about a week. I didn’t go to a psychologist. Just considering the periodic age-related whirlwinds of my child, I might not have gotten out of there. We manage with such strength, but we fall asleep with a dog or a toy bear, if he can’t fall asleep with me for a long time .they guard her sleep. The main thing is that everything was calm before bed and as usual. Ours is usually like this: two books are not large or a couple of chapters are large, massage (rails-rails...) usually sleeps, if not - songs, CD fairy tale . if everything doesn’t work, I lie with her until she falls asleep. yes, it’s annoying sometimes. but her calmness is more important. I was like that too. everything went away with time, the main thing is not to fake events and not laugh at her fears, and not to say that all this is nonsense and fantasies: Who among us has not sometimes been afraid to put our feet off the bed and onto the floor? their fears are part of their life, the main thing is, as always, to be there and convince them that they won’t be left alone with this. A psychologist may be able to effectively choose the line of behavior you need.
29-10-2006, 23:34
First, buy her a night light and leave it on all night, letting it shine quietly.
30-10-2006, 00:33
It turned out that some scary guy lives in our apartment. It was not possible to find out the details.
Before going to bed, I talked to her a couple of times on this topic, listed all the men she knew, and together we made sure that these were quite decent people and they had their own home. Then they moved on to the fact that the door was tightly closed, and mom and dad wouldn’t let any bad people into our house.
To fall asleep, I had to sit silently next to her for half an hour.
Now TTT seems to have passed.
30-10-2006, 01:15
We also had some kind of terrible animal living in our closet, either a wolf or a boar. During the day, Vitka and I examined the closet, made sure there were no wolves there, and put a stuffed dog in the crib so that if anything happened, it would drive the wolves away. Apparently she drove away, because since then the wolves have not appeared again;)
30-10-2006, 11:23
Psychologists say that at the age of 3-5 a child develops a triad of fears: loneliness, darkness and confined space. They advise not to create an unnecessary problem out of age-related fears. Calm the child before bedtime (do not put pressure on him, do not tell him that it is stupid to be afraid, show understanding); leave the night light; do not completely close the door to the room; remove objects whose outlines in the dark may frighten the child.
Here about children's fears:
http://adalin.mospsy.ru/l_02_01.shtml
30-10-2006, 11:26
Girls, thank you all for your support: flower:, I calmed down a little that at least we are not alone in this problem. Yesterday we talked to her again, she finally said that she was afraid that it was dark outside (it’s strange that it was on the street, and not in the apartment in general?), I told her that the lanterns were burning under the windows all night and never turned off, We looked at the flashlights together and offered to put her to sleep with a sleep light, but she said that she knew that when she fell asleep we would turn it off, we had to promise that we wouldn’t turn it off. Yesterday we fell asleep more or less calmly, without covering our heads, subsequent roaring and nausea, although a couple of hours after she fell asleep she cried a little in her sleep (apparently she was still dreaming about something like that, although we also hardly watch TV or a few cartoons on a cassette tape after kindergarten or just Good Night later), I sat with her, patted her on the back and she calmed down, of course then she turned off the night light, and then before waking her up for kindergarten she turned it on again, so she woke up and saw that The night light is still on :) and I thought that it never turned off.
I also read that at this age children develop a fear of death, but she hasn’t asked about it even once, and (fortunately) there haven’t been any reasons to ask about it yet.
Previously, I always lay with her until she fell asleep, but a year ago such a need disappeared, she began to calmly fall asleep on her own, of course, I thought about lying with her again now, but to be honest, I wouldn’t really want to go back to this again, because How will this drag on for a long time, but we’ll see, maybe the night light will help us, and if not, then we’ll fall asleep together :)
Thanks again to everyone for the advice: flower:
01-11-2006, 00:22
Maybe we shouldn’t turn off the night light after all, since we promised. What if he wakes up in the middle of the night?
01-11-2006, 00:36
We had this when we were 4 years old. In addition to the fact that we had to go to bed together, he also wakes up 5 times during the night, starts sobbing, or comes into our room and stands near the headboard and stands there silently or sobs, you take him back to the room - he immediately falls asleep, and so on for several once a night. There was even a time when I slept only with the radio and lights on. Then gradually everything went away.
Carousel
01-11-2006, 00:39
We had this happen. It’s scary that it’s dark outside, I say the flashlights are shining...
There was no night light right away, she said: how are you going to sleep? She explained that darkness is the same as during the day, but only without light... True, there are four of us sleeping and my sister is on the first tier...
02-11-2006, 21:57
This happens to us too. I think it's ok. The psyche is developing.
We turn on the night light, he falls asleep with it, then turn it off.
If he is afraid of something (he once said that the closet was “looking” at him in the dark :)), we calmly explain that it seemed to him that everything was fine, without focusing too much attention on it, and without remembering it later.
03-11-2006, 01:46
Lights, if the night light is important for your daughter, don’t turn it off. If you wake up at night and don’t see him, this may provoke a new round of fears + loss of trust in you. You can cover the night light with something so that it barely shines. Gradually this fear will pass. And it will be possible to get rid of the light.
03-11-2006, 09:35
Thank you very much for the advice, I think you’re right, we’ll leave the night light on all night for now, because every time she wakes up in the morning and asks if she had a light in the room at night, I think that suddenly she wakes up at night, doesn’t cry, but in the morning something... then she remembers that the light was not on and because of this she worries and asks again every evening if we will turn off the night light for her when we go to bed ourselves.
But I want to say that as soon as they started turning on the night light for her, the covering of her head with a blanket went away, and, accordingly, the crying and nausea, she began to fall asleep better, but she still falls asleep, and after a few hours she wakes up, cries a little - apparently she is still afraid that the light is on her turned off.
03-11-2006, 16:25
Why turn off the night light at night??? It has been burning for us all nights, ever since the child was born.
If the child says that she’s scared, I lie down with her, but I don’t chat, but pretend that I’m seriously going to sleep. She falls asleep in 5 minutes - I leave. If I don't have time to fall asleep faster :))
03-11-2006, 18:28
My nieces had this. The eldest (mother had no experience yet) had the same problems as your daughter. :(We slept with a night light for about six months. Then it passed as if it had never happened. They also bought her a large toy dog and sat it next to the bed. She “guarded.” The fears passed. With my youngest niece, the daughter-in-law was already a scientist, so at the first manifestations I caught it, but it was easier because the girls sleep in the same room, the eldest is already quite big.
My daughter started having fears around the age of 4. I’m struggling just like my daughter-in-law. Night light + dog in bed. But I turn off the night light after she falls asleep. It seems that all the children have the same reactions, age related, apparently. I draw a conclusion from the experience of my friends. Wait, it will pass. The main thing is not to teach “the child to be brave and not be afraid of anything.” This is the direct road to severe neurosis. But this is not your option: flower:
But with them it’s not scary... until the cub puts down all the soft guards and purrs lullabies to them - I see that she’s already sleeping herself. Under the supervision of pets. In a heap - it’s more reliable (I remember from myself;) in a bed up to the age of 12, I made a nest out of a blanket, pillow and plush friends, none of the horrors could get into the nest, although I wasn’t afraid of anyone in particular, the horror was faceless and rolled in from time to time , like a wave covered... What was it?... fear of death?..)
17-11-2006, 01:14
My son recently went through a period where he would come running to me at night crying. In the morning he said something about bad dreams and shadows. It was summer, the nights were white, our windows faced east, the lighting in the room was more than sufficient. And he didn’t sleep in the room alone, but with his older brother.
The problem was solved simply. We bought him a small “Cosmos” night light, which plugs into an outlet and glows only in the dark. Those. the darker it is, the brighter it burns. Costs about 100 rubles. From it there is a light on the wall in the form of a blue star (my daughter has a white star in her room). And they told him that it was a magic star. That she will now guard him at night, and no terrible shadows will come to him anymore. And his godmother gave him a new soft toy - a puppy with huge eyes (they named him Clifford). The son hugs him and falls asleep.
Well, a bedtime story is a must. And there is always juice with a straw on the toy box near the crib (if you want to drink at night).
Ochumelkina
17-11-2006, 08:34
My daughter was also afraid. We bought a large leopard, a couple of dogs, they sat around the bed and guarded us, and of course we talked about how mom and dad were behind the wall, that the doors were strong... Over time, the fears subsided.
From the age of three, or even earlier, the child strives for independence and actively seeks it from his parents.
But here’s the problem: the child is afraid to sleep alone and almost every night runs from his cozy crib to his parents’ bed. He feels more comfortable here, with his family.
Of course, all parents love and adore their fidgets, but mom and dad also need personal space, which the growing offspring so recently demanded for themselves.
Causes of night terrors
Fears appear for many reasons, ranging from overexcitation to the desire to be close to your beloved mother. Sometimes, the basis of children's fear is banal capriciousness, which has become a habit.
But most often the main reason why a child is afraid to sleep alone is fear of something new . He got used to his way of life, when every evening he fell asleep in the tender embrace of his mother, and now the offspring does not understand why he should sleep alone, and even in another room! As before, Only with his parents does he feel safe , that’s why he tries to stretch out such moments over a longer period.
Another important and common reason is colorful children's imagination , which can easily turn the shadows in a room into scary monsters and monsters, and the whisper of the wind into a howl of ghosts or an attack of Martians. And the more violent the fantasy, the stronger the night terrors. Therefore, it is quite understandable to want to cuddle up to someone who can protect you from scary aliens.
Increased activity before bed and, as a result, overexcitement can also lead to night terrors. After all, excessive activity will lead to difficulties going to bed and a restless night with nightmares.
Daria Selivanova, child psychologist: “It's normal to feel fear. Fear becomes abnormal only when it does not go away for more than 2-3 months and only gets worse, causing significant discomfort to you and the child. If a child is afraid of the dark, but sleeps well with a night light, then such fear will subside over time. If he is not just afraid of the dark, but also refuses to sleep in his room, and then he is afraid to go out into the dark corridor or to the toilet, then it is worth understanding the reasons for such fear. If you can’t do it yourself, contact a child psychologist.”
How to help your child cope with night terrors
1. Understand that the child is not to blame is that he doesn't want to sleep alone. At one time, you yourself allowed him to sleep with his parents (even if sometimes) - and he cannot get used to this order of things. Insistently but gently explain to your child that he has grown up and must sleep alone.
Not all parents think so, for example, mom Ira s herself wants her daughter to sleep with her: “Our child sleeps with us. The first reason is that there is nowhere to put the bed, and I consider the structure with the second floor to be dangerous for it. I myself like to sleep with my daughter, and I don’t experience any discomfort. I really miss her all day long, and before going to bed I’ll at least kiss her and breathe in her scent. In addition, she needs to be constantly covered at night. By the way, I myself slept with my grandmother until I was 7 years old, and I don’t notice any deviations in myself» .
2. Praise your child for obedience. There is no need to focus on those cases when he disobeyed; do not scold him, but gently explain. Buy sweets for good behavior or take them to a water park.
3. Put your child to bed at the same time every night. If it makes it easier for him, leave the night light on for a while.
4. Together with your child spread out and make his crib.
5. The child is the master of his room and his crib. Develop in him such a sense of ownership and independence that he wants to return to his “kingdom” every evening.
6. Grandparents should support you in an effort to teach the child to sleep alone. Inconsistency among family members will only complicate the solution to the problem.
7. You can buy it for your offspring pajamas with images of his favorite cartoon characters. Explain to him that now he is not afraid of sleeping “alone”, because his favorite heroes are with him. These “friends” can live on the walls of a child’s room, on posters, or on the child’s bedding. A great option is a soft toy that he can sleep with all night.
To help your child cope with the problem of sleeping at night in his room, hug him, kiss him more often, and create a variety of family leisure time. Perhaps the child simply lacks your attention and warmth, and he shows this by coming to his parents’ bed at night.
Talk to the child, he is already quite an adult. Try to find out the true cause of his fears, because it is very important to find the cause of the problem, and not to solve its consequence.
Sweet dreams to you and your child, and let the monsters themselves be afraid to come to such a brave family at night!
Parents often face a problem when their child is afraid to sleep alone. At the same time, the fear of staying in the room, night terrors and nightmares can bother not only a 2-year-old toddler, but also a schoolchild, and sometimes even a teenager. The reasons for this can be very diverse: the child’s habit of sleeping with someone, overstimulation of his nervous system, fear, fear of being alone, desire to be with his mother, sudden changes in life, personal experiences and even open conflicts in the family. What to do in such a situation? Indulge the child’s whims or persistently leave him alone with his hysterics and fears?
This kind of problem is inherently controversial. On the one hand, by indulging a child’s weaknesses and fulfilling his requests to sleep together, you will never teach him to deal with his experiences, fears and other life circumstances, of which there will be many more on his way in the future. Therefore, it seems that it is necessary to give the child the opportunity to overcome his fear on his own. But, on the other hand, fear and anxiety are natural emotional experiences, along with happiness and joy, which are typical for any person to experience. Moreover, any fears, as a rule, are justified by the age characteristics of the child, unless, of course, this is a pathology, and fortunately, they are temporary. However, the persistence of fears for a long time, for example, the fear of sleeping alone in a teenage child, can become a sign of his serious psychological distress, which can be provoked by improper parental behavior or the presence of conflicting family relationships. Therefore, the desire of parents to teach their child to be independent is understandable and justified, but before doing this, it is necessary to find out exactly why the child is afraid to sleep alone.
The most common reasons why a child is afraid to sleep alone.
The very first and most common reason why a child is afraid to sleep alone is habit and fear of changes in the little person’s life. This is why this happens more often with babies whom parents try to teach to sleep separately. Lying in bed with his mother, the child was accustomed to smelling her, her tender embrace, in which he was completely safe and felt a sense of security, but now he has been deprived of this, and, naturally, in such a situation he is scared.
Very often, a child’s fear of going to bed alone is a kind of manipulation by parents. Often before falling asleep, a child demands to drink, eat, go to the toilet, have a massage, read a book, then he wants to drink again, and so on in a circle. Naturally, this causes serious anger and irritation among parents. But before you yell at your child or leave him alone, remember that the child is simply afraid to sleep alone and with his requests, he is trying to prolong the moment of communication with you.
For children 3-5 years old, their fears are generally considered a natural phenomenon, because this age is characterized by unconscious anxiety, fear of being alone, increased excitability, as well as fear of the dark and closed spaces. Often such fears are mixed with hostility towards such fairy-tale characters as Baba Yaga, Leshy, as well as Babayka, Uncle, Policeman, Neighbor and other personalities invented by parents for educational purposes.
Remember also about the wild imagination of children. Children tend to make things up. This is especially true for children aged 4 to 6 years. With enviable imagination, they transform the shadows of objects into monsters and scary monsters, and barely audible sounds and rustles into loud screams and eerie exclamations.
The reason for children's fears of being alone with themselves is often their increased activity during the day. The child’s overexcited nervous system, which has received a lot of emotional experiences during the day, cannot relax even when the baby goes to bed. This is why the child’s sleep becomes restless and anxious.
In any case, even if the child is afraid to sleep alone and uses this as an excuse to stay a little more with his parents, be calmer and more reasonable. Don’t start scandals with shouting and threats, because in such a case your baby will definitely have bad sleep and nightmares, but be a little more patient and a little cunning.
Methods of dealing with the situation when a child is afraid to sleep alone.
First of all, try to talk about what or who scares the child. At the same time, do not make fun of him, but help him and show that you are at the same time with him.
Gently explain to your baby that each family member has their own crib. At the same time, when the baby goes to bed, praise him for his courage, kiss him good night and be with him for some time before bed.
An excellent solution to the problem of reluctance to part with mom can be one of her things that the baby can fall asleep with.
If a child comes to your bed in the middle of the night, do not scold, but also do not indulge his desires. Calm your baby and calmly but firmly lead him back to his crib. At the same time, let your child understand that you are nearby, that you see and hear everything, and if necessary, you will come to his aid.
During the day, try to spend as much time as possible with your child. Communicate with him more often, read, play and just talk - all this will allow the baby to understand that a great time in the company of mom and dad can be provided outside the bed.
Hug and kiss your child often so that he does not seek physical contact with you in the middle of the night.
Do everything necessary to ensure that the evening passes in a relaxed atmosphere. No active or active games, emotional experiences or clarification of attitudes.
Use a daily ritual of falling asleep before bed - these are repeated actions that become a habit for the child and unconsciously symbolize a familiar, and therefore safe, environment. A bedtime story, a light massage, taking a bath or a heart-to-heart conversation - all this has a great effect on the child's psyche.
Often a child is afraid to sleep alone due to fear of the dark. Therefore, leave the TV on in another room, the blinking of which will calm the child, or turn on a night light in his room. And during the day, play the game “blind man’s buff”, where the baby plays the role of driver - this will teach him not to be afraid of the dark.
Sometimes a child cannot fall asleep because of the frightening silence. Then turn on the radio, TV, or install an aquarium or have birds in his room.
Children are afraid of confined spaces. You may be able to get rid of the problem if you open the door or don't close the curtains.
In general, the entire design of a child’s room should promote harmony and tranquility. The children's room should not be too cluttered or, conversely, too empty. There is no need to paint it dark colors or glue gloomy wallpaper. Everything in the child’s bedroom should be familiar, familiar and loved by the baby.
Often fear in children is caused by the space under the bed. Buy a crib with storage underneath or put something familiar in there for your baby.
Some more interesting and effective ideas.
Make a “magic wand” for your child that would dispel all the child’s fears and drive scary monsters out of the room. Such things, as well as pistols, swords and images of favorite heroes hanging in front of the bed, have a great influence on children.
- Play blind man's buff with your child.
- Talk to your child about who exactly he is afraid of. Draw a monster that scares him and tear it apart together.
- Make a box or bag with your child and collect everything that scares him in it, close it and throw it away.
- Place your child's favorite soft toy or a character from a favorite cartoon or fairy tale in his bed. It is desirable that it be some kind of fearless hero, knight or superhero.
- Forget about Babayek, Gray Wolves and bad men who come and take away bad children.
- And, of course, under no circumstances should you be nervous. The worries and nervousness of parents are always passed on to their children.
Is your child afraid to sleep alone and comes running into your bed every night? Show your baby that you are at the same time with him: do not shout or threaten, but calm him down and talk to him. At the same time, be persistent and confident in the correctness of your actions. When children see the confidence of their parents, then they themselves become more confident over time, while all their fears and nightmares disappear from their lives forever. Therefore, strong nerves, patience, love and sweet dreams to you and your baby!
A child’s fear of falling asleep alone and being in a room at night without close people, especially adults, is only the tip of the problem. If kids climb into their parents’ bed or ask to sit next to them, then older children may not show their anxiety to their relatives, as they are embarrassed or do not count on their help. The causes of fears, like the underwater part of an iceberg, are hidden in the depths. A loving and attentive parent will definitely try to figure it out and help their child stop being afraid, find peace and learn to sleep alone.
Many children do not want to lose sight of their mother, are afraid to be alone in the dark, or simply find it very difficult to calm down before bed without the help of an adult. During and after the infant period, this behavior is quite understandable due to the close connection with the parents. With them, the child feels safe, and all his basic needs are met. Often these problems gradually disappear on their own as they grow older. But when a grown-up baby persistently refuses to fall asleep in his crib, does not let his mother go, wakes up in the middle of the night and runs to his parents, adults should think about the origins of this behavior. Perhaps their child is still too young, but sometimes there are reasons for this that do not allow their child to relax and feel safe.
The most common fear is the fear of the dark, which brings uncertainty and incomprehensible mystery into the baby’s world. Few people manage to avoid this in childhood. During the day, everything has its own clear outlines and boundaries, thoughts participate in the continuous process of activities, games and walks. The flow of changing information often makes it difficult to concentrate on one thing for a long time. But when night comes, everything changes. Things are over, and the child is left alone with the impressions, experiences and thoughts accumulated during the day. And in the light of the moon, a violent imagination begins to actively work, drawing silhouettes of objects in the room and shadows on the wall into terrible monsters, frightening with their unknown.
Fear is an internal feeling of a person that arises in response to a real or perceived threat. This feeling is always negatively colored and uncomfortable. From an evolutionary point of view, fear is an innate basic emotion that contributes to the self-preservation of the individual.
Completely different reasons can cause anxiety that interferes with a child’s proper sleep at any age.
All experienced events and imaginary fears can develop into constant anxiety. This prevents the child from feeling protected and sleeping peacefully. Being left in the dark alone with his thoughts becomes a test for him. And, of course, I want to get rid of all negative emotions or at least muffle them. And the best helpers in this matter are parents, to whom the child comes with his problem.
A child’s fear of the dark: how to help - video
How night fears change as a child ages, and how to deal with them
The baby grows, and as he grows older, his perception of the world around him changes, new experiences appear, and his personal qualities develop. And what frightened a child at five years old may seem funny and absurd to him at ten.
In order for a child to outgrow his “night monsters,” the adults around him must create a comfortable and protected environment. The willingness to always come to the rescue, listen and support will have a positive impact not only on the relationship, but also on the child’s confidence in the future.
Fear tends to exaggerate the true meaning of a fact. (Victor Hugo)
Possible problems depending on the age of the child - table
After 1.5–2 years, parents begin to promote the independence of their child: some are allocated a room, others, after sleeping together with their mother, are transferred to their own crib. But it can be difficult for a child to quickly leave the constant care of an adult, and he feels unprotected. There may not be specific scary images; the baby is simply afraid to be left alone. Therefore, you need to accustom your baby to changes gradually, in no case ignoring his requests to stay with him for a while. Even if the child is alone, he should always know that his parents will definitely come to help at his first call. By the age of 9, a child gradually outgrows his childhood fears, the world becomes clearer, and the frightening images in the room turn out to be just a play of light and shadows. But anxiety still sometimes interferes with restful sleep. The reason for it can be interpersonal and intrafamily relationships, or heard negative information. Children at this age are already quite old to explain the reason for the appearance of fear. Parents need to pay due attention to the emotions of their offspring and try to maintain a trusting relationship with them. At this age, the teenage crisis begins, exacerbating the perception of problems and aggravating negative reactions. Mood swings, not always smooth relationships with peers, quarrels with parents - all this contributes to the emergence of internal anxiety and inexplicable fears. Endless thoughts, light sleep, fear of loneliness can interfere with proper rest. Despite the fact that communicating with the younger generation during this period can be very difficult, mom and dad should try to maintain friendly relations based on understanding and mutual assistance. Talking to a child, delving into his problems, sympathizing, putting him in a positive mood, and hugging him is often enough to relieve a teenager of anxiety.What not to do
Even if, when talking about his fears, the child just wants to be with his parents, you should not immediately send him to his room to sleep. Perhaps he really lacks attention and communication with loved ones.
How to help your child not be afraid to sleep in a room alone
In order for unreasonable worries to disappear, and for the child to feel confident and calm, adults need to help their child overcome the negative perception of reality. There are several ways to get rid of fears and maintain a positive attitude.
What has become funny cannot be dangerous. (Voltaire)
For children after 7–8 years of age, there is a way to relax in bed: you need to think about something very calm and pleasant, delivering positive emotions. For example, imagine yourself walking along the shore of a warm sea, pouring sand from palm to palm, or relaxing in a clearing surrounded by flowers and butterflies. At first, it is advisable to carry out this imaginary journey in the presence of the mother and even together, discussing the emerging pictures. Then the child can do this independently without the participation of an adult.
There is another technique for dealing with fears: when fear arises, a person mentally very quickly builds a wall between the threat and himself or a dome that descends and protects from all troubles. Children trained in this technique will protect themselves not only from scary characters, but also from possible offenders at school.
If the mother is unable to sit with the baby for a long time every evening, putting him to bed, she can gradually replace her voice with her favorite audio fairy tales or calm music.
Positive communication, walking together to go to bed, and confidence in your loved ones will definitely help in the fight against fears.
Doctor Komarovsky: what rituals should be performed with a child before bedtime - video
When to use specialist help
If by the age of 8–9 years the emerging fears do not become obsolete or there are persistent obsessive phobias that are not subject to any positive messages from the parents, it is necessary to consult a specialist. Sleepless nights, anxiety, tantrums and recurring nightmares may be symptoms of a disorder. Incorrect behavior tactics and tense family relationships make it difficult to cope with the problem. It is impossible to leave these issues without elaboration and solutions, because not only a restful sleep, but also the health of the child depends on this. And as children grow up, they can take with them into adulthood, along with positive examples, unconquered fear.
Fear is a necessary emotion. When children are born, we ourselves teach them to be afraid of a hot kettle, an electrical outlet, or a suspicious person. But if this feeling is unreasonable and intrusive, it negatively affects the baby, disturbing his peace, peace of mind and sleep. The task of adults is to explain to their child what needs to be avoided and what actually does not pose a threat to him. And love, understanding and care will certainly help the child become more confident and the parents happier.
Share with your friends!The fear of sleeping alone is one of the most common fears. The reasons may be different: the child’s habit of sleeping with his parents, overstimulation of his nervous system, long-standing fear, fear of losing a parent, sudden changes in life, conflicts in the family, personal experiences. What to do in such a situation?
Why is a child afraid?
Fear and anxiety are natural emotional reactions. As your baby gets older, he will develop new fears. What are the most popular reasons for the fear of sleeping alone?
- Fear of changes in life. For young children, this could be a new crib, moving to a nursery, waiting for guests or a long trip. For older children - excitement before entering school, before an exam, or leaving the parental home. Again, any painful condition can provoke a fear of falling asleep.
- Fear of fairy-tale and child-made-up characters. The fairy tale teaches a lot, but at times it becomes a reason for fear. You should not scare your child with Barmaley and Baba Yaga. Children are really afraid of them, and take quiet rustles or the moving of a curtain for the appearance of monsters.
- Overexcitement. It’s not for nothing that grandmothers say “don’t let your child walk around before bedtime.” Too much activity an hour before bed can result in a sleepless night for the whole family.
Regardless of why the baby is afraid to sleep alone, in most cases, it is up to the parents to make the child’s sleep stronger and the nights more peaceful.
Expert I am a Parent, child psychologist Nikolai Lukin talks about the causes of children's fears.
1. Give your child more attention during the day
A child who receives enough attention and physical contact during the day feels calmer at night. He doesn’t have to wait until he goes to bed to receive parental love for the only time in the form of. The fear of falling asleep for parents is a signal to spend more time with the baby: play, walk, develop his talents.
2. Choose a bedtime ritual
About an hour before bedtime, you need to finish all active and outdoor games. Daily rituals will help your child get into a routine. If at exactly eight in the evening he goes to the shower, drinks a cup of kefir, then brushes his teeth, listens to a fairy tale, kisses his mother, wishes her “good night”, then he will perceive turning off the lights and his mother leaving for the kitchen as a reason to turn on his side and close his eyes . When there is no time left for long rituals, you can shorten them, for example, to changing into pajamas, covering with a blanket and gently whispering in your ear.
3. Turn on a night light
Do not force your children to sleep in the dark. If your baby is afraid to sleep with the lights off and there is no night light, turn on the lighting in the hallway or adjacent rooms. Children gradually get used to the dark.
4. Own something that symbolizes safety.
It’s always more peaceful to sleep with your favorite toy or even your mother’s sweater. And if you whisper magic words to the toy, it will become the most important “keeper of a restful sleep” for a long time. Magic words can be invented and spoken together, or they can be kept secret to add the magic that children love so much to the bedtime ritual.
5. Talk in the next room
Little cowards feel calmer when they hear their mother's voice. If you leave the nursery door ajar and talk calmly, your child will fall asleep faster. Of course, you shouldn’t sort things out loudly when your baby can hear you, but you also don’t need to make the whole house quiet. Silence frightens children; it is very easy to discover new fears in it.
An aquarium or a cage with birds has the same effect: at night the child hears the same sounds as during the day and calms down.
6. Pay attention to the interior of the nursery
Each person has his own bed: this needs to be explained to the child before moving him to a separate room. The crib “grows” with the child. And, if earlier she could stand in the parent’s bedroom, now she “lives” in the baby’s personal room.
In a nursery, everything should be different from an adult’s room. Favorite fairy-tale characters, delicate and bright colors, toys, soft carpeting create comfort and a desire to be in the room more often. The child will feel more comfortable falling asleep in “his own” space.
Children are often frightened by the emptiness under the bed. It's better to put boxes with toys there.
When a child is afraid to fall asleep, he runs to his mother. First you need to hug him, calm him down, and then gently but persistently take him to his crib. It is important to let him know that you are nearby, hear everything, and will come to the rescue at any time.
Repeat the shortest version of the bedtime ritual.
