What to do if a child has a three-year-old crisis. Crisis of three years Fighting whims

Crisis of three years

Basic phenomena crisis three years

By the age of three, the child begins to develop his own desires that do not directly coincide with the desires of adults. At an early age, there were no particular discrepancies between the desires of the child and the adults. If a child wanted something prohibited, adults quickly switched his attention to another attractive object. By the age of three, the child’s desires become definite and stable, which is confirmed by the persistent words “I want.”

The sharply increased desire towards the end of early childhood sa independence And independence from an adult, both in the actions and desires of the child, leads to significant complications in the relationship between the child and the adult. This period in psychology was called crisis three years . This age is critical because over the course of just a few months the child’s behavior and his relationships with other people change significantly.

L. S. Vygotsky described the following symptoms of the crisis of three years. The first one is negativism . This is not just disobedience or unwillingness to follow the instructions of an adult, but the desire to do everything the other way around, contrary to the requests or demands of elders. With negativity, a child does not do something just because he was asked to do it. Moreover, such a desire often harms the child’s own interests.

For example, a child who really likes to walk refuses to go for a walk because his mother suggests it to him. As soon as his mother stops persuading him, he insists: “Go for a walk! Walk!"

With a strong form of negativism, the child denies everything that the adult tells him. He may insist that cheese is butter, blue is green, and a lion is a dog, etc. But as soon as an adult agrees with him, his “opinion” changes dramatically to the opposite. A child who acts and speaks contrary to an adult acts and speaks contrary to his own feelings. Here the child’s behavior not only does not depend on perceived circumstances, but also contradicts the evidence. This behavior is caused not by the objective situation, but by the attitude towards the person. The child acts contrary to his desires and evidence in order to express his attitude towards another.

The second symptom of the three-year crisis is stubbornness , which should be distinguished from persistence. For example, if a child wants an item and persistently strives for it, this is not stubbornness. But when a child insists on his own not because he really wants it, but because He demanded this, this is already a manifestation of stubbornness. The motive behind stubbornness is that the child is bound by his original decision and does not want to deviate from it under any circumstances. Here again one can observe the exact opposite picture of the situational behavior and desires of a 1-2 year old child.

The third symptom of this age is obstinacy . This symptom is central to the crisis of three years, which is why this age is sometimes called the age of obstinacy. Obstinacy differs from negativism in that it is impersonal. The child’s protest is not directed against a specific adult, but against a way of life. The child begins to deny everything that he calmly did before. He doesn’t like anything, he doesn’t want to go hand in hand with his mother, he refuses to brush his teeth, put on slippers, etc. It’s as if he’s rebelling against everything he’s dealt with before.

The fourth symptom is self-will . The child wants to do everything himself, refuses the help of adults and achieves independence where he still knows little.

The remaining three symptoms are less common and are of secondary importance, although parents sometimes note their presence in children. The first one is riot against those around . The child seems to be in a state of severe conflict with the people around him, constantly quarrels with them, and behaves very aggressively. Another symptom is depreciation child personalities near to their . So, the baby may begin to call his mother or father swear words that he has never used before. In the same way, he suddenly suddenly changes his attitude towards his toys, swings at them as if they were alive, and refuses to play with them. And finally, in families with an only child, there is a desire for despotic suppression those around ; the whole family must satisfy any desire of the child, otherwise adults will experience hysterical attacks with beating their heads on the floor, tears, screams, etc. If there are several children in the family, this symptom manifests itself in jealousy or aggressiveness towards the youngest child, in demands for constant attention to to yourself.

At the same time, a number of psychological observations show that 3-year-old children do not always display such acute negative forms of behavior or quickly overcome them. At the same time, their personal development occurs normally. In this regard, M.I. Lisina proposed to distinguish between an objective and a subjective crisis. Subjective a crisis - this is a specific picture of the child’s behavior and his relationships with close adults, which depends on private subjective factors. Objective a crisis - a mandatory and natural stage in the development of a child’s personality, at which new personal formations appear. Outwardly, according to its subjective picture, it is not always accompanied by negative behavior.

Personal neoplasms V period crisis three years

It is easy to see that all the symptoms described reflect significant changes in the child’s relationships with close adults and with himself. The child is psychologically separated from close adults with whom he was previously inextricably linked, and is opposed to them in everything. The child’s own self is emancipated from adults and becomes the subject of his experiences. The feeling “I myself”, “I want”, “I can”, “I do” appears. It is characteristic that it was during this period that many children begin to use the pronoun “I” (before this they spoke about themselves in the third person: “Sasha is playing”, “Katya wants”). D. B. Elkonin defines the new formation of the three-year crisis as personal action and consciousness “I myself.” But the child’s own self can stand out and be realized only by pushing away and opposing another self, different from his own. Separation (and distance) of oneself from an adult leads to the fact that the child begins to see and perceive the adult differently. Previously, the child was primarily interested in objects; he himself was directly absorbed in his objective actions and seemed to coincide with them. All his affects and desires lay precisely in this area. Objective actions covered the figure of the adult and the child’s own self. In the crisis of three years, with the separation of oneself from one’s action and from the adult, a new discovery of oneself and the adult occurs. Adults, with their attitude towards the child, seem to appear for the first time in the inner world of a child’s life. From a world limited by objects, the child moves into the world of adults, where his I takes a new place. Having separated from the adult, he enters into a new relationship with him. L.I. Bozhovich connects the new formations of the 3-year crisis with the emergence of the “I system”, in which the need for the realization and approval of one’s own Self dominates. As a consequence of the emergence of the “I system”, other new formations appear, the most significant of which is self-esteem and the desire associated with it "to be good". The emergence of this desire at the end of the third year of life leads to a significant complication of the child’s inner life: on the one hand, he wants to act at his own discretion, on the other, to meet the requirements of significant adults. This strengthens ambivalent tendencies in behavior, and new relationships with adults are formed.

What is the positive value of a new relationship with an adult? This issue was investigated in the work of T.V. Guskova (Ermolova).

During the observation of 3-year-old children, a very peculiar complex of behavior clearly emerged. Firstly, the desire to achieve the result of their activity: children do not just manipulate objects, but persistently search for the right way to solve a problem. Failure, as a rule, does not lead to abandonment of the plan - children do not change their intentions and ultimate goal.

Secondly, having achieved what they want, they immediately strive to demonstrate their successes to an adult, without whose approval these successes largely lose their value. An adult’s negative or indifferent attitude towards their result causes affective experiences.

Thirdly, children have a heightened sense of self-esteem, which is expressed in increased sensitivity and sensitivity to recognition of their achievements, emotional outbursts over trifles, bragging and exaggeration of their own successes.

The described behavioral complex was called “pride in achievements.” This complex simultaneously covers three main spheres of the child’s relationship - to the objective world, other people and himself. In the work of T.V. Ermolova, it was suggested that “pride in achievements” is a behavioral correlate of the main personal neoplasm of the three-year crisis. The essence of this new formation is that the child begins to see himself through the prism of his achievements, recognized and appreciated by other people.

To test this assumption, an experiment was conducted in which children were offered various tasks (assembling a complex pyramid-dog, building a truck or a house from construction kit parts, etc.), and an adult assessed the results they achieved. Children of three age groups took part in the experiments: from 2 years 6 months to 2 years 10 months; from 2 l. 10 months Up to 3 years 2 months. And from 3 l. 2 months Up to 3 l. 6 months During the experiments, indicators of children’s objective activity were recorded (acceptance and understanding of the task, persistence, involvement, independence) and indicators of attitude towards an adult (search for an adult’s assessment, attitude towards this assessment, assessment of one’s result).

The results of the experiment showed that despite the small age interval (only 4-5 months), statistically significant differences are observed between the younger and middle age groups. Indicators of perseverance, independence and response to an adult’s assessment approximately double. When moving from the middle to the older group, the rate of change decreases (all these indicators increase by only 1.2 times).

The materials of this study showed that at the age of 3, the effective side of activity becomes significant for children, and recording of their successes by adults is a necessary moment of its implementation. Accordingly, the subjective value of one’s own achievements also increases, which causes new, affective forms of behavior, exaggeration of one’s merits, and attempts to devalue one’s failures. Children's activity in seeking adult approval also increases.

So, the data obtained in this study show that during the crisis period of 3 years, a personal new formation arises, manifesting itself in the form pride in achievements .

It integrates the objective attitude that children have developed during early childhood towards reality, an adult as a model, and the attitude towards themselves, mediated by their achievement. The child has a new vision of the world and himself in it. The new vision of oneself consists in the fact that the child for the first time opens a material projection of his Self, which can now be embodied outside, and its own specific capabilities and achievements can serve as its measure. The objective world becomes for the child not only the world of practical action and cognition, but the sphere where he tries their possibilities , rea licks And asserts myself . Therefore, each result of activity is also a statement of one’s Self, which should be assessed not in general, but through its specific, material embodiment, that is, through its achievements in objective activity. The main source of such assessment is an adult. Therefore, the child begins to perceive the adult’s attitude with particular predilection, seek and demand recognition of his achievements and thereby assert himself. OK And praise adult give birth feeling pride And own dignity . Recognition from others rearranges the child’s feelings experienced when achieving a result: from joy or sadness that something worked out or did not work out, these feelings turn into experiences of success or failure. He begins to look at himself through the eyes of another - an adult. After all, success (or failure) is always a result noticed and appreciated by someone, it is recognition or non-recognition in someone’s eyes, in the face of someone else. When a child experiences success, he imagines how his achievements will be appreciated by others. Experiencing feelings such as pride, shame, confidence or self-doubt indicates that the child appropriated (interiorized) attitude others of people To to myself . This “alien” attitude became his own property and his own attitude towards himself.

A new vision of the Self through the prism of one’s achievements lays the foundation for the rapid development of children’s self-awareness. The child’s self, “objectified” as a result of activity, appears before him as an object that does not coincide with him. This means that the child is already capable of carrying out elementary reflection, which does not unfold on the internal, ideal plane as an act of introspection, but has an externally deployed character of assessing his achievement and comparing his assessment with the assessment of others, and thereby himself with other people.

The formation of such a “self-system”, where the starting point is an achievement appreciated by others, marks the transition to preschool childhood.

RESULTS

The main age-related feature of early childhood is situationality, which consists in the dependence of the child’s behavior and psyche on the perceived situation. Situationalism is associated with the affective nature of perception of young children.

By the age of three, the desire for independence and independence from an adult sharply increases, which finds expression in the crisis of three years. The main symptoms of this crisis are negativism, stubbornness, obstinacy and self-will of the child, rebellion against others. Behind these negative symptoms are new personal formations: the “I system”, personal action, the consciousness “I myself”, a sense of pride in one’s achievements.

A new vision of oneself through the prism of one’s achievements marks the beginning of a rapid growth of self-awareness: The self of a child, “objectified” in the results of its activities, appears as an object that does not coincide with it. The child becomes able to carry out elementary reflection, which does not unfold internally, but has an externally deployed character of assessing his achievement, i.e., elementary self-esteem.

The formation of the “I system” and self-esteem marks the transition to a new stage of development - preschool childhood.

Three-year-old crisis in children

By the age of three, many parents are faced with the problem that the child becomes uncontrollable and is not so easy to cope with. Previously, he took everything for granted, but now he suddenly stopped listening, protests, resists.

Crisis of three years - This is one of the most famous child crises. This crisis is often called the age of obstinacy. Previous crises - the newborn crisis and the one-year crisis - could go quite smoothly for the child. They were of a calmer nature and did not manifest themselves so actively. The crisis of three years manifests itself more complexly, it is impossible not to notice it. An obedient three-year-old is nonsense. The crisis of three years abounds in full with all the features of age-related crises - disobedience, difficult to educate, conflict, obstinacy.

The three-year-old crisis is called the “seven-star”, as it is accompanied by seven unpleasant signs that parents of a three-year-old child should know about in advance in order to accurately determine the onset of a crisis situation. If you know what each component of the “seven stars” of the three-year-old crisis means, then you can successfully help your child cope with the problems of a difficult age, and therefore maintain a healthy nervous system, both yours and his. Let us consider in detail all seven signs of a three-year-old crisis.

Negativism

The very concept of negativism means a contradiction, the desire to do the opposite. Even if a child is hungry, he may refuse to eat food just because adults offer it to him. However, negativism should not be confused with ordinary disobedience. The child does this not because he wants to, but because he cannot do otherwise. This is a manifestation of self-protection, the need for self-affirmation. Negativism can manifest itself in active and passive forms. The active form is expressed in the fact that the child does the opposite. For example, in response to a request to give his hand, he hides it behind his back. Passive negativism manifests itself in the child ignoring any requests from an adult. For example, in response to an offer to sit down, the baby remains standing in the same place.

Stubbornness

The child tries with all his might to defend his point of view. Having expressed any desire, he will do his best to achieve its fulfillment. And it is not necessary that he really wants what he asked for so much. Most likely, he stopped wanting this a long time ago, but he wants his opinion to be listened to.

Obstinacy

Unlike negativism, obstinacy is expressed in the child’s general dissatisfaction with his usual way of life. He protests against everything that is offered to him.

Self-will

At three years of age, the child's tendency to become unlimitedly independent appears. He wants to do everything himself, but does not correlate his desires with his capabilities, and overestimates his strengths and skills. The baby accepts only what he himself has in mind. Such independence often leads to conflicts and quarrels with others.

Depreciation

Everything that was previously loved, dear and interesting begins to depreciate. Toys that the baby has never parted with before become “bad” and cease to arouse the same interest; beloved relatives also become “bad” and “evil.” The child begins to call him names, breaks toys, and tears up books. Old norms of behavior are devalued, old habits and attachments to people and objects are devalued.

Protest riot

The kid is in a constant state of war with the people around him.

Despotism

More recently, the child was affectionate and kind, but by the age of three he suddenly turns into a little despot, terrorizing the whole family. He tells parents how to behave, introduces new norms and rules of behavior, chooses clothes and diet himself, commands adults, indicating what can be done at any given moment and what cannot be done. If there are other children in the family, then despotism results in scenes of acute jealousy, since the child’s brothers and sisters, in his opinion, have no rights at all in the family.

All these signs of a three-year crisis can confuse many parents. But it's really not that scary. When faced with such manifestations of a crisis, we must not forget that all this is only the other side of those positive personality changes that constitute the essence of any critical age. At each specific stage of development, a child has a certain set of needs, characteristics and ways of interacting with the world around him, unique only to a certain age. The child grows, old needs cease to be relevant, and they must be replaced by new, different, but only possible in the changed conditions. The emergence of the new is necessarily accompanied by the withering away of the old, the abandonment of habitual patterns of behavior and relationships with others. During a crisis, significant changes occur in the development of a child and the formation of his personality.

During the crisis You shouldn’t expect habitual obedience from your baby, but this doesn’t mean that he has become bad. He is experiencing a turning point in his life, and this cannot pass unnoticed, without affecting the child’s behavior and his attitude towards others.

The main content of any crisis is neoplasms. The child begins to behave differently with adults, and new activities appear in his daily life. So. for example, at birth a baby develops a response and perception of the world around him, and at one year the child begins to walk and talk. According to psychologists, at three years old one of the most important new formations in life appears - the formation of the child’s own “I”. He realizes his importance and strives for independence.

The child has lived for three years already, has become accustomed and accustomed to the world around him, and at this time he discovers himself as an independent person. The experience acquired in early childhood is summarized, the baby evaluates his achievements, and his attitude towards himself, his actions and capabilities is formed. At this time, new personality traits are formed and a person’s character is revealed. The child increasingly begins to use the pronoun “I” in relation to himself instead of his own name. He begins to recognize himself in photographs, in mirror reflection, understanding. that what is smiling at him from the mirror is not another baby, but himself. The child becomes aware of himself as a separate person, and a new form of self-awareness is formed. However, at this age, the perception of one’s own “I” is still very different from the perception of an adult. It is still of an external nature: the child evaluates his achievements and compares them with the assessment given by adults.

Self-awareness in a child it is closely connected with the concept “I myself”. At the age of three years, the desire for practical independence increases many times over. Now the child is driven not by simple curiosity and the desire to learn something new; the entire space around him turns into an arena for self-realization. He takes on almost everything, tests his strength and capabilities. The child asserts himself, he develops self-esteem, and this is the most important incentive for self-development and self-improvement.

Very often situations arise when parents need to quickly gather the child, quickly feed, and it would be more convenient to do this themselves, but by the age of three the baby may not allow adults to do this. His desire for independence is so strong that any attempts to limit it can end in hysteria, protest, rebellion. He wants adults to take him seriously, respect his opinion, and believe that he can do everything himself. He rebels against the old regime, against previous relations. At this age, a person’s will is formed, which means independence and self-sufficiency.

The child requires independence, but to allow him to do everything. what he wants is, of course, wrong. The baby does not yet perceive his capabilities quite correctly, he overestimates them, he still does not know how to correctly and clearly formulate his thoughts and express desires, and cannot correctly plan his actions. It is very important to notice in time the changes taking place in the baby, because his attitude changes not only to the world around him, but also to himself.

Values ​​change, motivation changes. The crisis is painful for the child; it seems to him that adults do not understand him. If you notice the onset of a crisis age in time, you can help the baby and make it easier. The child's relationship with his parents changes radically at this time. Parents become not just a source of warmth and care for the baby, but also become role models. The child perceives parents as an ideal, a standard of perfection. Relationships with your baby should be built on respect and patience.

A very important component that accompanies the three-year-old crisis is pride in achievements. The child's behavior changes radically. The essence of this change is that he, at all costs, strives to achieve the result of his activities. He is not afraid of difficulties and failures, he again and again, persistently and purposefully moves towards his intended goal until he achieves the desired result. A very important point here is the approval of adults, because without this, success is largely devalued. At the age of three, a child’s sense of self-esteem intensifies, and therefore he becomes very emotional, touchy, and can get angry over trifles. Parents should be patient and not forget that even the most trivial, in their opinion, achievements are important and significant for the child.

Developmental goals for a three-year-old child

Until the age of five, all the basic mental processes of a child - attention, memory, thinking - are involuntary. This means that the baby cannot control them at will, he is not able to concentrate or specifically remember something - he pays attention to what attracted his attention and remembers that. which itself is memorable. This is the most important feature. which determines the nature of the methods and techniques used in working with children.

A three-year-old child is very emotional, but his emotions are fickle. It is easy for a baby to be distracted and switch from one emotional state to another. The restoration of emotional balance is facilitated by the so-called rhythmic stimulation - games with adults, which include rhythmic rocking, tossing, stroking. The folk tradition of nurturing children abounds in such games.

A small child learns only that , what interested him, and accepts something only from the person he trusts. Therefore, the success of his education depends on whether contact has been established with the teacher. In this regard, it is very important how the child adapts to kindergarten and whether he experiences emotional comfort in the group.

Children of three years old are characterized by low thresholds of sensory sensitivity; they have not yet sufficiently developed the mechanisms of physiological self-regulation of the body. A subjective feeling of physical discomfort leads to a sharp decrease in learning efficiency.

Discomfort can be caused by the fact that the child did not get enough sleep, he is cold or hot, he is thirsty or hungry, something hurts, he is worried about the pressure of his shoes, the tightness of the waistband of tights or trousers, the elastic band has pulled his hair too tight, skin irritation from contact with cloth, etc. The adult must be sure that nothing is bothering the baby.

Communication in children of this age is situational and personal in nature. This means that each child needs to constantly feel the individual attention of an adult and have individual contact with him. It follows that activities with the baby should be short-term. It was already noted above that only an adult with whom he sympathizes can teach a child anything.

Learning at this age occurs both from the child’s own practical experience and from the imitation of an adult he likes. At the same time, the baby imitates everything that the adult does - both good and bad, both right and wrong.

Peers are not yet of particular interest to him and are often considered as another subject. Children at this age play nearby, but not together. For each other, they often become sources of negative emotions: another child has captured the attention of his favorite teacher, another child has stepped on his foot, spilled compote on the tablecloth, etc.

A three-year-old child may not understand the difference between living and inanimate objects. He does the same thing with a living butterfly. like with a plastic car. This behavior is not yet a manifestation of cruelty. He learns the difference between living and nonliving things from observing an adult’s attitude towards different objects.

The thinking of a child of this age is visual and effective in nature. This means that knowledge of the surrounding world occurs in the process of real object manipulations, respectively, and the leading type of game is object-manipulative. It is very important for little pioneers to support the very motivation to explore and understand the world around them. All that is required of an adult is to create an interesting developmental environment and provide children with time and freedom to operate in it.

From an object-manipulative game such adult types of creative activity as non-objective design grow, i.e. architecture, design, abstract fine art.

Experiences with children show that some children have and retain, under favorable conditions, an interest and the ability to see beauty in a simple combination of color spots and lines, in the sophistication of a design, regardless of whether it resembles any specific object and whether it can be called something then the usual word.

In this sense, many children, along with the visual one, also demonstrate an expressive tendency in their creativity. Such children are not so much interested in the purpose of their work as they enjoy the creative process. The assessment of the result in this case is more free, since it is not constrained by the initial plan for creating the subject image.

From the point of view of learning and development, the following psychological characteristics of three-year-old children can be distinguished:

• they are characterized by visual and effective thinking;
• their intellectual development depends on how rich the surrounding developmental environment is, i.e. does it allow you to explore the world around you in a variety of ways, manipulating various objects;
• speech is in the formative stage;
• training is effective only against the background of a psycho-emotional-comfortable state;
• attention, thinking and memory are involuntary.

Crisis 3 years - the border between early and preschool childhood. L.S. Vygotsky described the “seven stars of symptoms,” which indicate the onset of a three-year crisis:

1) negativism - the desire to do something contrary to the proposal of an adult, even contrary to one’s own desire; a negative reaction to a proposal because it comes from an adult;

2) stubbornness - the child insists on something because he demanded it, he is bound by his original decision;

3) obstinacy is generally directed against the norms of upbringing, the way of life that developed before the age of three. Obstinacy is directed against the norms of behavior accepted in the family;

4) self-will - manifestation of the initiative of one’s own action, the desire to do everything oneself;

5) protest-rebellion - a child in a state of war and conflict with others;

6) a symptom of devaluation - the child begins to swear, tease and call parents names. What was previously valuable depreciates. A 3-year-old child may break a favorite toy;

7) despotism - the child forces his parents to do everything he demands. In relation to younger sisters and brothers, despotism manifests itself as jealousy.

Interest in yourself in the mirror, girls in outfits, boys - success in design.

The crisis proceeds as a crisis of social relations, separation from close adults and is associated with the formation of the child’s self-awareness. This manifests the need for the realization and affirmation of one’s own Self. The words “I want”, “I don’t want”, “I” that appear in the child’s speech are filled with real content and become meaningful. A special form of personal consciousness arises, externally manifested in the famous formula “I myself.” The “I myself” phenomenon marks the psychological separation of the child from the adult and the collapse of the previous situation of social development. Two interrelated development trends are realized during a crisis period - a tendency towards emancipation and a tendency towards a volitional form of behavior. The peculiarity of this new type of action is that it lasts regardless of the behavior of adults; the child remains dissatisfied in any case. The behavioral complex “pride in achievements” expresses the new formation of the crisis of three years. It consists in the fact that for three-year-old children achievement (result, success in activity) and recognition (adult assessment) become significant. Internalization of the attitude of others toward oneself lays the foundations of the “I system,” including initial self-esteem and the “striving to be good.” With a relatively democratic system of relations between an adult and a child, the critical period is more muted. But even in these cases, children themselves sometimes look for a reason to oppose themselves to an adult, since they “need it internally.” Children begin to develop will and autonomy (independence, independence), they cease to need adult care and strive to make their own choices. The child learns the difference between “want” and “should.” It is noted that children who did not have behavioral problems at the age of three, upon becoming adults, are often characterized as weak-willed and lacking initiative. Feelings of shame and uncertainty, instead of autonomy, arise in children when parents limit the manifestations of the child’s independence, punish or ridicule any attempts at independence.

Towards the end of early childhood, the child's interests shift to the world of adults. A new attitude towards adults emerges. Now he acts as the personification of social roles (“mother in general,” father, bus driver, doctor, policeman). The resolution of the early childhood crisis is associated with the emergence of full-fledged play.

So, at the heart of the crisis is the contradiction of two trends: the desire to take part in adult life and the assertion of independence - myself!

Crisis of 3 years in a child- This is a relatively short stage of life, which can be characterized by a duration of several months, and sometimes up to two years. The child changes noticeably during this stage, moving one step higher in his own life path. After a child passes the age of three, his adult environment begins to notice serious changes in him: the child becomes stubborn, changeable, capricious, and absurd.

Causes of the 3-year-old crisis in children

Unfortunately, the vast majority of adults do not realize that this period of development is characterized by a rather important mental process for the baby, which consists in the emergence of the first vivid expression of one’s own “I”. Thus, children's behavior represents an attempt to learn to do many things independently and find solutions to their own problems.

There are several manifestations, knowledge of which will help parents determine that the baby is approaching a crisis stage. Children show a keen interest in the reflection of their own person in the mirror, they begin to be puzzled by their own appearance and show interest in how they appear in the eyes of those around them, and children also begin to react sharply to failures.

Vygotsky considered the 3-year-old crisis to be the most difficult stage in the growing up of children. The new needs of a three-year-old child are no longer satisfied by the previous model of interaction with him and the previously established way of life. Therefore, in protest, in order to defend his own “I,” he behaves in defiance of his parents, while feeling a contradiction between his “want” and “need.”

This is how the child develops. Any development process, in addition to slow changes, is also accompanied by abrupt crisis transitions. Gradual accumulations of personal changes give way to violent turning points.

Symptoms of crisis 3 years

During periods of crisis, children are characterized by special sensitivity to evaluating themselves and their actions. They become more touchy, slightly vindictive (they remember for a long period of time undeserved, in their opinion, punishment), cunning (show feelings and attitudes that they do not feel).

Vygotsky described the 3-year crisis as a “seven-star symptom.” The first signs of a three-year crisis are considered to be the appearance of negativism and an increased desire for independence.

Negativism represents the child’s attempt to show his own independence. In other words, the baby responds negatively to any proposal he hears from his parents - “no” becomes his favorite word. For example, a mother calls her child for dinner, but gets a “no” in response, but after 10 minutes the baby can come himself. By such behavior he demonstrates that he decides whether he needs lunch or not. Such actions are not a response to the content of the proposal. This reaction is directed at the sender of the proposal. A child experiencing a crisis stage of development only strives to do the opposite, even if this goes against his desires.

Crisis of 3 years, hysterics become a constant companion of the crisis stage, which can puzzle and upset parents, as a result of which they will look for the reasons for such actions in deviations of mental development. Children's attempts to separate their own “I” from their parents are progressive developmental trends.

The 3-year crisis symptoms and main manifestations were first described by E. Köhler. She identified the following symptoms of a three-year crisis: negativism, obstinacy and stubbornness, self-will, protest-rebellion, devaluation of adults, tendency towards despotic behavior. However, behind this composition of negative characteristics, the parent needs to try to discern the child’s attempts to establish qualitatively new forms of relationships with the environment and highlight his own “I”.

Often three-year-old children accompany any of their actions in response to their parents’ suggestions with the words: “I myself.” The phenomenon of the phrase “I myself” means not only independence in actions, but also the psychological isolation of the child from the adult. And the sooner the parent understands the need to transform the relationship with the baby and rebuilds it, the less negative the manifestations of the crisis will be.
Stubbornness and negativism in children's behavior arise due to the fact that children do not yet know how to evaluate their own state and are not able to realize and explain their intentions. That’s why their behavior seems like a meaningless confrontation with adults.

Children in the crisis period of three years of age are characterized by excessive persistence, which sometimes reaches the level of persistence if the child wants to achieve something specific from an adult.

The 3-year-old crisis in cases where children do not get what they want is observed quite often. To avoid them, parents should try to switch the child’s attention from the situation that provokes the conflict to an object or phenomenon that will definitely interest him. The main thing is to behave in a balanced manner. Since parental screams can only aggravate hysterical manifestations.

Stubbornness is also a trait inherent in children in the crisis period of three years. It manifests itself not because the baby wants a specific thing, but because he needs what he demands to be fulfilled. The kid is simply bound by his own initial decision.

Obstinacy in the behavior of children is directed against the system of education, a way of life that is established before the age of three. The baby may start to play around when his parents are watching TV or preparing food.

Self-will manifests itself in the desire to do everything independently. The child wants to make his own sandwich, tries to make his own bed or tie his shoelaces. This behavior is the first manifestation of his adulthood. At this stage, the baby is already beginning to realize the difference between adults and children, as a result of which he strives to be like the adults around him.

Protest-rebellion is expressed in a state of confrontation with others, and can often even manifest itself as “military actions” towards them. Children tend to be rude to their grandparents and argue with their mother. Often children who have crossed the three-year mark quarrel with their peers, take away their toys or do not want to share theirs, and often even fight.

The devaluation of adults is expressed in the fact that the child begins to scold, tease, and often even call his parents names. Children refuse to admit they are wrong or ask forgiveness for being harsh.

Children's despotism forces parents to do everything that the kids demand. They try to manipulate their parents with the help of uncontrollable roaring, rude treatment, and capriciousness. In relation to younger children in the family, it is a despotic manifestation.

Thus, the three-year crisis symptoms and main manifestations help parents understand what is happening to their children, so that they can promptly correct their behavior pattern, as a result of which the three-year crisis will be the least noticeable for the baby.

Children who have passed the three-year mark begin to expect recognition of their own autonomy and independence from adult participants in family relationships. They want their opinions to be taken into account and consulted. Children cannot wait for their desires to be independent to come true. They don't understand the future tense yet. They need everything immediately, as a result of which children strive at any cost to achieve independence and assert themselves in victory, even if such a victory brings inconvenience due to a quarrel with their close circle.

Parental care can be thought of as an eggshell protecting the chick embryo. It is safe, warm and cozy for the baby to be under it, but at a certain point it creates obstacles in the way of his growth. Therefore, the child does not instinctively, but consciously breaks the “shell” in order to experience the vicissitudes of fate, to experience the unknown and unknown. And his main discovery is the discovery of himself. The child begins to feel independent, and in some way omnipotent, but due to his own age capabilities, he is not able to do without his parents. Therefore, he begins to get angry with them and take revenge using the only means available to him - tears.

Psychology characterizes the three-year crisis as a driving force of child development, which represents a change in leading activity. The end of this stage marks the beginning of a new period - preschool childhood.

At the age of three, role-playing becomes the leading activity. Kids practice games in which they depict and imitate their adult surroundings.

Childhood crises can have adverse consequences, such as increased brain sensitivity to environmental influences, vulnerability of the central nervous system due to disturbances in metabolic restructuring and transformation of the endocrine system. In other words, the culminating phase of the 3-year-old crisis in a child is a combination of a progressive evolutionary leap and a functional imbalance that is unfavorable for the child's health.

This imbalance is also fueled by the active growth of the baby’s physical body, respectively, and its internal organs. As a result, the adaptive capabilities and compensatory potential of the child’s body are reduced, and children become more susceptible to various ailments, especially of a neuropsychic nature.

Crisis of 3 years in a child - how to cope with it? You can judge the affections of children by identifying who their crisis is directed at. Basically, such an object is the mother. Therefore, the responsibility for the child’s competent, favorable exit from the crisis rests, first of all, with her. You need to understand that the child himself suffers from crisis manifestations.

The 3-year crisis, psychology claims, is one of the most significant periods of a child’s mental development, which marks his transition to another step upward in childhood. That is why it is recommended that parents, if they begin to notice sudden changes in the behavior of their child, try to develop the right strategy in interacting with him, become more loyal in educational measures, expand the rights and range of responsibilities of the child, give him a taste of independence within reason, so that he was able to enjoy it.

You need to understand that the child does not agree with his parents out of simple stubbornness; he is trying to test the character of adults and is looking for weak points in it, so that in the future, when defending his own independence, he can influence them. Therefore, the baby can double-check parental prohibitions several times a day. And if he notices even the slightest opportunity in which “you can’t” transform into “you can,” then he will achieve his goal, if not with his parents, then certainly with his grandparents. It is still not recommended to be angry with him for such behavior. It is simply necessary to correctly balance the system of rewards and the order of punishments, to observe the sequence of actions by all participants in family relations. After all, it was the adult relatives, from the moment the baby was born, who systematically taught him to understand that the wishes of the baby are the law for those closest to him. Therefore, one should not be surprised when a child does not pay attention to adult prohibitions. The child cannot understand why the system of requirements has suddenly changed. Therefore, in retaliation, he will repeat “no” to his parents. You shouldn’t be offended by the baby for this.

In situations where the child’s desires significantly exceed his real capabilities, it is necessary to find a way out of the situation through role-playing.

If parents notice a crisis at the age of 3 in a child and how to cope with it is an urgent question, then they are advised to do everything possible to make the child feel equal to his close adult environment.

The previously quite obedient baby suddenly begins to make “scenes” and stomp his feet in an attempt to achieve what he wants. Sometimes the intensity of the crisis period is so high that parents reach for valerian to calm their frayed nerves.

Meanwhile, psychologists are convinced that the three-year crisis is an obligatory stage in the life of every child, when he separates from an adult and realizes himself as an independent unit. Therefore, you should not be afraid and, especially, prevent him from growing up, but you should definitely help your child survive this period with maximum benefit.

What is the three-year-old crisis?

Wise nature does not tolerate static and unchanging phenomena, which is why literally everything that surrounds us is in constant development and movement.

This rule can also be applied to the child’s psyche, which changes and becomes more complex over time.

Periodically, in the process of mental development, crisis stages occur, which are characterized by the rapid accumulation of knowledge, skills and a transition to a higher level.

But first of all, the crisis of three years is a breakdown and restructuring of social relations. The question of why it occurs and what it is needed for is quite natural. Let's try to answer somewhat allegorically.

A baby in a family of loving parents grows like a chick in a shell. The world around us is clear, it’s very comfortable and calm in the “shell”. However, such protection does not last forever, and there comes a certain period when it cracks.

The shell breaks, and the child realizes an interesting thought: he can perform some actions himself and is able to do even without the help of his beloved mother. That is, the baby begins to perceive himself as an autonomous person who has desires and some capabilities.

American scientist Erik Erikson argued that the three-year crisis contributes to the formation of strong-willed qualities and independence in a child.

But, despite the desire to become more independent, children are not yet competent enough, so in many situations they simply cannot do without the help of adults. Thus, a contradiction arises between “I want” (“I myself”) and “I can.”

It’s interesting that the main negativity is directed at the closest people and, first of all, at the mother. With other adults and peers, the baby can behave absolutely smoothly. Consequently, it is the relatives who bear the responsibility for the optimal way out of the crisis for the child.

This stage of personality development is only conventionally called the “three-year crisis.” The first symptoms of disobedience are sometimes noted as early as 18-20 months, but they reach their greatest intensity in the period from 2.5 to 3.5 years.

The duration of this phenomenon is also conditional and is usually only a few months. However, in the event of unfavorable developments, the crisis may drag on for a couple of years.

The degree of severity of psycho-emotional reactions, as well as the duration of the period, depends on such characteristics as:

• children's temperament (in choleric people the signs appear more clearly);
• parenting style (parental authoritarianism exacerbates manifestations of children's negativism);
• features of the relationship between mother and child (the closer the relationship, the easier it is to overcome negative aspects).

Indirect conditions can also influence the intensity of emotional reactions. For example, it will be more difficult for a child to survive a crisis if the peak of the phenomenon occurs during adaptation to kindergarten or the appearance of a younger brother or sister in the family.

7 main signs of the phenomenon

Psychology characterizes the 3-year crisis as a seven-star symptom. These distinctive qualities help to accurately determine that the child has entered a time of independence from adults, and his emotionality is not a consequence of spoilage or ordinary harmfulness.

This manifestation must be distinguished from elementary childish disobedience, which happens at any age. The behavior of a naughty child is determined by his desires, which do not coincide with parental requirements.

Sometimes a crisis period proceeds quite smoothly, without obvious symptoms and is characterized only by the emergence of certain personal new formations, including:

• the child’s awareness of his “I”;
• talking about yourself in the first person;
• emergence of self-esteem;
• the emergence of strong-willed qualities and perseverance.

As already noted, the crisis will proceed much more mildly if parents take into account the age and individual characteristics of the child when choosing optimal educational measures.

In general, three-year-olds are characterized by some common behavioral traits, which are worth mentioning in more detail in order to take them into account when communicating with your baby:

1. Children try to achieve the final result of their actions. For a three-year-old child, it is important to complete a task, be it drawing or washing dishes, so failures often do not stop him, but only stimulate him.
2. The baby loves to demonstrate the result obtained to adults. This is why parents need to give positive assessments of the results of children's activities, because a negative or indifferent attitude can lead to negative self-perception in children.
3. Emerging self-esteem makes the child touchy, dependent on other people's opinions, and even boastful. Therefore, parents' inattention to children's experiences can become a source of negative self-determination.

Thus, the emergence of one’s own “I”, the ability to achieve one’s own and dependence on the assessments of loved ones become the main results of the crisis at the age of three and mark the child’s transition to the next stage of childhood – preschool.

A 3-year-old crisis is not a reason to panic and consider your child bad and uncontrollable. All children go through this period, but you have the power to make it as painless and fruitful as possible for your baby. To do this, you just need to respect him as a person.