The child has strong tantrums for any reason. Children's tantrums: how to calm a child

Has your little one, your friendly little one, turned into an unbearable tyrant on the eve of two years? Demanding, impatient, who knows how to run, push, rush, pinch, bite and answer any proposal or request with a hard “no”?

Do persuasion, explanations, threats or punishment no longer work? What is it? Is there something wrong with your baby or have you made mistakes as parents?

Outbursts of hysteria and stubbornness with throwing objects and toys on the floor, screaming and choking attacks (when the child holds his breath until his wishes are fulfilled) are a normal phenomenon in the life of a small child who does not yet know how to express his needs and sadness in words. Tantrums happen to all children. This is not a behavior disorder, but a normal, healthy release of stress and frustration.

Research states that crying and rebelling are helpful in releasing tension, lowering blood pressure, and along with tears, release stress-related chemicals from the body, thereby restoring the body's chemical balance.

Therefore, children should not be punished or condemned (saying, for example, that the child is a whiner or a crybaby) for crying or being rebellious.

Tantrums usually appear at the age of 1.5-2 years, during the period when the child is developing self-awareness (awareness of his own “I”). However, sometimes tantrums can begin earlier, at 12-15 months of age. Babies at this age begin to understand more and more of the words that they hear. However, their language abilities are still weak enough to voice their experiences, desires and needs, which they are beginning to realize. As self-awareness develops, two-year-olds develop the need to do certain things on their own (on their own) and make their own decisions. The first time you notice this is when a child plays with blocks, pyramids, builds a tower of sand and nothing works out. You try to help him, to which you receive a violent rebuff - the child does not want to accept your help and wants to do everything on his own. Typically, violent tantrums go away before the age of 4, although sometimes they can drag on until a later age (in this case, you should contact a specialist to help your child learn to cope with frustration).

If by this peak moment in the baby’s life most parents were similar in their careful and gentle treatment of their babies, then after its onset, parents are sharply divided into two camps. The former are inclined towards traditional methods of education and begin to use their power, giving orders and punishing disobedience, the latter, on the contrary, instead of counteracting the child’s stubbornness, they give in to his every desire. There are also parents who resort to orders, and then cannot withstand the pressure of the baby, seem to fulfill all his demands.

What to do if a child is hysterical?

When a child begins to have a tantrum, he is not able to hear explanations, reasons, agreements. Therefore, he responds with indignation to your screams and threats. The more you scream, trying to stop the tantrum, the louder the tantrum. If you try to hit a baby on the butt, you may get an appropriate reaction. For children, what an adult allows himself is a model to follow, so in the child’s logic, what you do, he can do too. The child does not just “copy” (should). For him, your reaction is an example of how you can overcome anger and disappointment when something doesn’t happen the way you want. What really works during baby tantrums (calms a storm of emotions) and at the same time is good example to imitate, is simply to calmly be next to the child, waiting for the storm to subside on its own.

Hysteria is easier to prevent than to stop!

A child’s desire most often arises spontaneously, depending on what she encounters along the way. Therefore, in order not to become a hostage to desires that change again and again, before going out for a walk (or place), prepare your child by drawing up a route and an action plan with him. For example, where will we go for a walk today: to the playground near our house or to the park? At the same time, you highlight the option that is desired for you, which is more emotionally attractive for the child. For example, there will be a lot of kids there, we can feed the pigeons and there will be a sandbox there, you like to play in the sand (emphasize what the child likes). We'll go on foot, take the tram? And so on... When you leave the house, try to hold your child's attention with stories about where you are going and how, so that your agreement remains relevant and desirable for him. Always emphasize emotionally what will be interesting to the child himself. If you observe mothers and their babies, you will notice that the most talkative mothers have calm children and they most likely stop crying. Mostly children cry with silent fathers who do not explain or explain little to the children what, how and why. Most often, they briefly address the child, saying: “don’t cry,” “don’t interfere,” “don’t fight,” “you can’t”! This makes the baby’s world not very clear and full of prohibitions.

The second secret to preventing tantrums is that children are very susceptible to rituals. Usually they like to walk the same road, wear the same clothes, and do similar actions. Don't be alarmed. These are not signs of autism, this is normal for young children, they do what is familiar to them, what they are used to, and only gradually expand the list of actions familiar to them. Given this tendency of young children, most of their desires can be predicted. If you do not want your child to demand cookies or juice from you before each walk, do not repeat this offer for more than two walks in a row; it is better to offer something new each time, but no less interesting for the baby. If, nevertheless, this tradition has already taken hold, do not be angry with the child for once again throwing a tantrum at you: “I want cookies,” or let’s go to the store. Be prepared for this, and since you already agreed to it once, don't object to it now. On the contrary, you can use this to your advantage, for example, we will go for a walk, and on the way back we will buy cookies, because now we have nowhere to put them, etc.. In this way, you will also teach your baby to develop willpower, patience and a long-term perspective . Just remember to keep your promise on the way back!

Pay attention to when your baby's tantrums most often occur. This way they won't come as a surprise to you. Children are often capricious when they are hungry, thirsty, tired, sleepy, or too excited.

Another likely trigger for hysterics can be television or video, even if it’s children’s cartoons. They can become a source of stress, agitation, and fear, especially for young children. So take this into account and change the time you spend watching TV.

The study also notes that increased moodiness and tearfulness often precede the acquisition of new skills. In this case, they become harbingers of a new stage in the baby’s development.

You can almost always agree with the child (with his wishes) to prevent hysterics, when fulfilling the child’s wishes does not contain potential danger and cannot harm his health or the health of others. In this regard, parents should think about whether it is always worth demanding obedience for the sake of obedience itself?

Remember which one of you is an adult!

It doesn't matter how long the tantrum lasts. Don’t go into ridiculous demands or negotiations with your child, he’ll start screaming! There is especially a desire to make concessions to the child’s demands when you are in a public place. Try not to pay attention to what others think or say. Anyone who remembers being a parent can remember being in your shoes. Also, don't get into a power struggle with your child by showing him your advantage. Manifestations of force towards a child - physical or moral (threats, oppression) - will show him how to resolve conflict situations, or, on the contrary, will suppress any initiative and ability to defend himself. A calm response to a tantrum will show your child that you are in control of the situation.

If the child is still small and the hysteria is already severe, The best way To calm down is to take the baby in your arms, hug him, show him tenderness and support, carry him out of the scene, gradually diverting his attention.
If hysterical outbursts reach their peak, when the child begins to hit people or animals, throw things or scream, you also need to pick him up and take him to a safe place where he can calm down. Tell him exactly why he is here (“because you hit grandma”) and that he will stay here until he calms down.
Older children sometimes run away to another room on their own. Let your child be alone and calm down. After some time, discuss the situation with him, accepting his feelings (“you’re angry” or “upset”), gently point out to him where he was wrong (“but you can’t throw things or fight”), give him a possible solution situation (you need to ask...), if possible, try an adequate solution to the situation now (let's go ask together).

Watch for signs of stress in your child's life

Although tantrums and moodiness are normal for 2-year-old children, be mindful of possible problems, which can provoke them:

Was there a scandal or quarrel in the family the day before (or do they happen from time to time)?
How difficult is your busy period right now?
Is there tension between you and your partner?
Has a new stressful situation appeared in your child’s life? (The child entered kindergarten or a second child was born)
Perhaps something has changed in the baby’s normal day? (Has the teacher changed)?

If, after the age of 3-4 years, your child is still having serious tantrums every day and refuses to cooperate with any reason, even to perform the usual daily routines (getting dressed or picking up toys), you should seek help from a specialist. A pediatrician, neurologist, or psychologist will help you make sure that the baby’s physical or psychological condition is not the cause of the baby’s problems, and will also help you find solutions to extinguish outbursts of hysterics.

Tantrums are a stage of child development

They came to this conclusion when learning self-control, but at 2 years old it is difficult for a child to restrain his anger and aggression, and he is not yet able to express feelings in words. After three years, when the baby learns to express his emotions verbally, hysterics should subside.

Sometimes parents complain that the child is capricious and makes scandals only in the presence of the parents. This may be due to the fact that the baby is testing the boundaries of what is permitted, but at the same time is not ready to demonstrate his feelings to those people whom he does not trust.

Hysterics can be caused by elementary little things that are almost impossible to predict. But psychologists identify a number of factors that provoke children's tantrums.

Anxiety or illness

A small child cannot always show what exactly hurts him. And even more so, he doesn’t know how to explain to an adult that he doesn’t feel well. Parents should be vigilant and watch the baby. Signs of illness may include decreased appetite, excessive excitability, or crying for no apparent reason.

Naturally, a sick child becomes the center of the family, so even after recovery he may require the same attention. If the parents are sure that the baby feels good and is absolutely healthy, then such manipulations must be “extinguished” and not succumb.

Fight for attention

Often, due to lack of parental attention, 2 years is a difficult period. To solve the problem, it is first necessary to determine whether these claims are justified. Perhaps these are not just whims, and the baby really considers himself deprived and lonely.

The main task of parents is to find the line when satisfaction of needs ends and selfishness begins. If the baby is crying and trying to attract attention, but adults are always next to him anyway, you should not follow the lead of the little commander at the first cry.

Get what you want

Often, due to the fact that it is impossible to get what they want, the child has tantrums. 2 years is a period when the baby wants to get what he wants by any means. This could be a toy you like, or a reluctance to leave the playground, or something else that you should definitely get “here and now.”

Parental prohibitions are not always clear to the child, and at times it is very difficult to convey the essence to the child due to his age. Now there are many temptations for him that are incredibly difficult for him to fight. Therefore, parents should not deliberately tempt their child. It is better to remove from his field of vision all items that he might like, and not take him with you to retail outlets with children's assortment and sweets.

Don’t think that the child is still too young and doesn’t understand anything. Children's tantrums are a way to test the boundaries of what is permitted and test parents' resistance to stress. Therefore, it is necessary to be consistent and unwavering so that the child understands that the ban will not be lifted. Contradictory actions confuse the child and encourage him to come up with new challenges for adults.

You need to talk to the baby as equals and explain to him why his desire cannot be fulfilled now. Over time, the child will understand that the parent’s “no” cannot be challenged, and whims in this case are useless.

Authoritarian parenting style and children's self-affirmation

In most cases, a child throws tantrums if he tries to protest to his parents. Perhaps authoritarian parenting does not allow the child to express himself, so he rebels. Don't forget that children are people too, and they need a certain amount of freedom.

The parents' enthusiastic attitude towards the child leads to the fact that the child becomes gentle with himself, but is absolutely intolerant of others. The lack of constant attention causes a storm of negative emotions in the child, which find an outlet in hysterics.

In order for children to develop harmoniously, adults must maintain the right balance of care and freedom. When a child is sure that his opinion is valued and respected, it will be easier for him to accept prohibitions.

Whims for no reason

Sometimes children have tantrums for no reason. 2 years is the age when the baby cannot explain why he was upset. To understand the situation, parents must analyze recent events. Perhaps there is a tense situation in the family or the baby simply did not get enough sleep. All people have different characters and individual characteristics, so all children react to what is happening in their own way.

How to avoid tantrums?

Parents with a 2-year-old child know that tantrums cannot be completely avoided, but steps can be taken to reduce the consequences.

The baby should get a good night's sleep.
It is necessary to follow a daily routine.
You should not plan the day so that the child receives a large number of new impressions. If this is unavoidable, then you should make sure that there is something to entertain the baby.
We need to teach children to express their feelings. It is necessary to gently tell them how to do it correctly and help them choose their words.
If possible, the child should be given the right to choose, at least in those matters that are not fundamental.
All changes in the daily routine must be warned in advance, for example, five minutes before lunch, the baby must be informed that he will soon eat.

If the hysteria has already begun...

Many parents wonder: a child is hysterical - what to do? First of all, you need to remember that you cannot threaten your child with punishment if he is hysterical. In this case, the child will accumulate aggression and resentment, which destroy him psychological health and provoke new scandals. Adults should act calmly and confidently, expressing understanding. Over time, children learn to control their emotions and monitor their behavior.

But you shouldn’t cajole and encourage your child in every possible way just to make him calm down. This will give him confidence that this is how he can behave in order to get what he wants. There is no need to explain anything to the baby at the moment of screaming and crying; he is unlikely to assimilate the words addressed to him. It's better to wait until he calms down.

If a child often experiences tantrums, Komarovsky advises parents to learn to say “no.” The decision made cannot be changed or softened so that the child does not begin to manipulate adults. Indulging in children's whims will lead to the loss of the boundaries of what is permitted, so the baby will look for them with new tenacity.

Until the child calms down, you need to speak quietly but firmly. You should justify your position and give reasons that will be understandable to a child at his age.

Finding compromises

In the case when a child wakes up hysterical, you should make sure that his sleep was complete and long enough. Perhaps you should put him to bed a little earlier. But such behavior can be observed due to an excitable nervous system and individual characteristics baby. Parents can try to make the morning more pleasant and calm by allowing the child to decide for himself what to eat for breakfast: unloved porridge or delicious cottage cheese. Sometimes compromises work wonders, and the child learns to negotiate and give in.

The child is hysterical: he stamps his feet, screams, cries and doesn’t want to hear anything. Or he whines, whines and whines monotonously. Every parent has at least once encountered such behavior in their child. But usually the problem is bigger than it seems, affecting 9 out of 10 families who have to raise a hysterical child. And hysterics themselves are not a one-time occurrence, they happen systematically. Moms and dads are at a loss, they are angry, worried, and don’t know how to stop all this. What should adults do if a child is hysterical?

What is a child's tantrum?

Hysteria is a special emotional state of extreme excitement. The child screams, sobs, falls to the floor, may hit the walls or scratch his face. He is completely insensitive to the words and actions of others and practically does not feel pain. It is extremely difficult to stop this. This behavior frightens and puzzles parents, especially if, in their opinion, there were no special reasons for such behavior in the baby. What did the adults do wrong?

Hysteria, as a rule, although it develops rapidly, like any process in our body, proceeds in several stages. Even if it seems that everything started suddenly, believe me, the symptoms of the beginning “concert” were there, and you need to learn to recognize them. Often the baby begins to sniffle, whine, and becomes silent. This is the calm before the storm. If you react in time, hysterics can be avoided. Sometimes all it takes is to affectionately hug a child who is offended by the whole world and ask what upset him so much. If the problem is a broken toy, offer to fix it together.

For some children, to prevent hysteria, it is enough to switch to another activity. Can't assemble the constructor? Don’t cry, we’ll draw now, and then we’ll definitely assemble a house or a steam locomotive from stubborn parts. If the harbingers could not be discerned or adults did not attach due importance to them, the hysteria itself begins.

Timely detection of its symptoms will help you cope with the upcoming hysteria.

The first stage is vocal. The child, trying to attract attention, begins to whine or immediately scream.
The second stage is motor. It is characterized by excited active movements of the baby. He may start throwing toys, stomping, and rolling on the floor. This is the most dangerous stage - the child can be injured.
The third stage is residual. This is a kind of way out of the “surge” - a physically and mentally tired child bursts into tears, looks around at those present with an unhappy look and sobs convulsively. The stage can last up to several hours.

Why does the child do this?

It must be said that children do not always hysteria “out of harm’s way.” And advice like “Less attention - he will calm down faster” or “A good belt for him!” are not only useless, but also harmful.

There are two types of tantrums in children - voluntary and involuntary. In the first case, the baby really shows character, wants to get something and simply doesn’t see any other way. He screams, bangs his legs and arms, shakes his head, while being perfectly aware of what exactly he is doing. If Once a child has achieved his goal through such hysteria, he will take this into account and will manipulate his parents more and more often. What to do in this situation? Give the little one the right to choose. Calmly explain that you don’t like his behavior, warn about possible punishment (for example, deprivation of the opportunity to watch cartoons or go to the park), and then, if the baby does not calm down, carry out the punishment. Thus, the child has a choice - to continue screaming and lose something pleasant, or to pull himself together and resolve the conflict peacefully.

It is impossible to punish physically in this situation! This will make the baby even more aggressive. Once convinced of the ineffectiveness of hysteria as a tool for obtaining personal gain, the child will gradually stop being capricious.

It is easier to stop a voluntary hysteria than one that depends on the release of a hormone, because in the first case, the child is able to control his emotions

Involuntary tantrums are a process that occurs at the hormonal level. The baby is unable to control his behavior and his body due to the sudden release of stress hormones. Persuading in this situation is useless, since the child simply does not hear you. What to do? Calm down again. And only then get down to business.

In a state of uncontrollable hysteria Tactile contact is important for a child. Try to pick him up, hug him, pat him on the head. Talk to him in a quiet, soothing voice, describe something unrelated to what is happening: “There are birds sitting on the window”, “Look how sunny it is today, maybe we can go for a walk?” It doesn't matter what exactly you say. The main thing is tactile contact. When the child calms down, you should definitely try to find out what happened. Use leading questions for this: “Did something upset you?”, “Are you scared?” etc.

In the case of involuntary tantrums, it is important to have patience and the ability to emotionally calm the baby; with this behavior, the child will quickly begin to cope with the attacks

Who is prone to tantrums?

The tendency to hysterics is an innate feature. It all depends on the type of organization of the baby’s nervous system:

Weak type. These are shy, unsure children. They are subject to frequent mood swings. They have an unstable appetite and poor sleep. They are excitable and often raise their voice. They are very susceptible to hysterics, during which they behave unpredictably. They calm down relatively quickly.
Strong type. Guys with this type of nervous system are more often in a complacent mood, easily get carried away, and often do not finish what they start. In a very stressful situation they may throw a tantrum, but this is unlikely. And it will be quite easy to “extinguish” such hysteria.
Unbalanced type. These are anxious children. They are often tormented by fears and doubts. They sleep “shallowly” and can wake up several times during the night. They can be noisy in society, as they love to be the center of attention, but are sensitive to any criticism. Hysteria in such children can begin suddenly and is accompanied by manifestations of aggression. It is difficult to calm them down.
Slow guy. These are very calm, reasonable children. They like to do things alone. They are difficult to rouse. Due to the slow processes of excitation and inhibition in the nervous system, there are practically no hysterics. They could, but by the time it reaches their brain, there is no longer any need to scream.

Thus, most often parents of children with weak and unbalanced types of nervous systems complain about children's tantrums.

Night tantrums

Night hysterics stand apart. They are always involuntary and can be caused by a number of reasons: fears, nightmares, daytime overexcitation and an abundance of impressions. The baby just wakes up and immediately starts screaming. It is difficult to calm him down; he arches his back, knocks his legs and arms, and tries to escape.

If the baby is left unattended, he may be injured. Here it is important to provide tactile contact, eliminate the cause of fears - turn on the night light, remove the frightening object from the room.

I once encountered nightly tantrums in my two-year-old son. Nothing helped. Then a non-standard solution was found, which I now recommend to many mothers. We discussed with the baby the “scary shadows and ghosts” that do not allow him to sleep, after which we went and bought a small bright yellow plush very funny cat in the store. We gave him a name - Daredevil.

According to the legend I told, a brave sunny cat protects boys and girls from shadows and other villains at night. My son began to fall asleep more calmly because he trusted me and Daredevil. After a couple of weeks, he stopped waking up at night altogether. But even now, a year and a half later, he takes Daredevil (already pretty shabby) with him to bed without fail. Make such a friend for your baby. Let it be a kind, very bright character with big eyes or a wide smile. Write a fairy tale about him. Your child will believe in it too.

Age tantrums

Age-related tantrums are a consequence of the “tuning” of the child’s nervous system. At different stages of his life, the baby, as he learns something new, must adapt to this new thing. It doesn’t always work out painlessly, and not for everyone.

Children under 1 year of age rarely experience hysteria. Their hysteria always has a reason: wet pants, fatigue between periods of sleep, hunger, boredom, etc. At this age, increased intracranial pressure may also be a reason for frequent and demanding crying. A consultation with a neurologist will help confirm or rule out this problem. Mental disorders at this age are almost impossible to diagnose.
If the child is already 1.5 years old, his hysterics are not yet a method of manipulation, but only a consequence of overstrain of his still unstable psyche. Calming a baby is quite simple. It is enough to take him in your arms and switch his attention.

At 2 years old, children's hysteria caused, as a rule, by the child’s desire to receive more attention from adults. He already knows how to differentiate himself as a separate personality. And often, with the help of hysterics, he tries to explain that he doesn’t like something. Two-year-old children can be capricious from excess impressions, from fatigue, or because of illness. At this age, the birth of another child in the family may become a reason for systematic hysterics. And very often hysterics happen because of the need to go to kindergarten. How to calm your baby? The method depends on the cause of the hysteria. If he is tired, provide him with rest. If he is “jealous” of a brother or sister, pay more attention.
At 3 years old The so-called “three-year crisis” begins. “I myself!” - this is what parents of three-year-old children most often hear. The kid persistently demands respect for his beliefs, protests furiously, and is hysterical with or without reason. Three year olds are incredibly stubborn. They don't yet know how to compromise. It is difficult to calm them down. In some cases, you cannot do without the help of a psychologist. Guys are great individuals, and an individual approach to their hysterics is required.
Usually by the age of 4, children's tantrums fade away, but if at the age of 4-5 they still happen, this may, alas, indicate gaps in upbringing. If a child does not know the word “no” or does not feel the boundaries of what is permitted, one cannot blame him for this. This is the work of adults. The tantrums are already completely controlled, the baby is mastering methods of manipulation: if mom prohibits something, then you can ask dad, if he doesn’t give what he wants, grandparents certainly won’t be able to resist a loud hysteria. If a child by the age of 4-5 has not been diagnosed with neurological or mental illnesses, then Dr. Komarovsky advises, if possible, to leave a hysterical child alone. There are no spectators in isolation, which means there is no interest in putting on a performance.

At 6 years old The time of increased demands and rather strict restrictions is coming. The child has responsibilities. He understands the need to behave within the bounds of decency. It’s paradoxical, but true - at this age, hysterics again become involuntary. This is due to the fact that during the day the baby is forced to behave well in kindergarten. But by evening he gets tired. And after kindergarten she throws tantrums. This is a protest and an inability to “relieve” nervous tension. You can help him by organizing interesting evening leisure activities.
Seven Years Crisis- This is the second tangible age crisis in a person’s life. At 7 years old the child goes from younger age to school. He is sensitive to drastic changes in life (the need to study, maintain a daily routine). Hysterics at this age are spontaneous. You need to fight them together with adults, mastering the concept of “cooperation.”

When a child reaches the age of 3 years, many parents are faced with a problem that they did not know about before - frequent. Ignorance and misunderstanding of the reasons for the hysterical behavior of children, as well as the impasse on how to behave in such moments and stop the child’s frightening behavior, become the cause of panic for many mothers and fathers. Advice from a psychologist will help you understand the reason for this behavior in 3-year-old children, how to deal with hysterics and prevent them in the future.

In raising such a child, parents need to be patient, constantly praise him, hug and caress him, communicate as equals, listen and involve him in household chores.

Strong

The processes of excitation and inhibition in the brain in such children are balanced. Child with strong type nervous system, he is almost always cheerful and cheerful, easily communicates with others, and for the appearance of hysterical behavior he needs a good reason.

Conflict situations with parents and peers arise extremely rarely for such children; they sleep and eat well, willingly participate in various clubs, but often change hobbies, because having figured out something, they immediately lose interest in the old hobby. Negative aspects in the character of such children are inconstancy, frequent breaking of their promises, and difficulties in maintaining a daily routine.

Unbalanced

The processes of excitation of the nervous system of such a child in the brain prevail over the processes of inhibition, so he is hot-tempered, easily excitable and emotionally unstable. The child may become agitated new toy or a special event. Therefore, such children sleep poorly and not soundly, often wake up and cry at night.

In a circle of peers, an unbalanced child tries to take leadership and be the center of attention and events. Such kids do not know how to finish what they start. When engaged in any business, they cannot stand even the slightest criticism, they can flare up, drop everything and leave, while getting angry and showing aggression. Parents of such children can be advised to be more flexible and patient, to teach their child to complete all tasks, to be restrained and obligatory.

Slow

This type of nervous system is characterized by delayed excitation and a predominance of the inhibition process. Children with a slow type of nervous system eat and sleep well from birth, they are calm, they can be alone for a long time and not suffer from this, finding their own entertainment.

Parents of such children are often surprised by their restraint, prudence and predictability. The child is slow, brings any task he starts to completion and does not like sudden changes in the situation. He is restrained in his emotions, so it is often difficult for parents to understand his mood. Advice - encourage your child to active actions, developing motor and speech activity.

Children with weak and unbalanced types of nervous system are most prone to tantrums at the age of 3 years. To exclude pathologies and congenital diseases nervous system, parents are advised to show their baby to a pediatric neurologist.

Causes

The older a child gets, the more needs and desires he has, which are not always supported by his parents. It is at the age of 3 that a child begins to show emotions violently and respond to prohibitions with hysterics.

You need to know about the main factors that cause violent, hysterical protest in children:

Even if parents establish the true cause of their child’s frequent tantrums at the age of 3, they must understand that emotional sphere the baby is not developed enough to stop in time and suppress the storm of excitement. The child cannot control his emotions, he is not capricious on purpose, but any misunderstanding or provoking factor can cause whims that develop into hysterical fits.

The main difference between hysterics and whims in a child is that the child begins to act up consciously. With the help of whims, the little manipulator tries to get his way; he can stomp his feet, scream and throw objects, but he controls himself, continuing manipulation until he gets what he wants or is punished.

Hysteria occurs involuntarily in a child, emotions cause a whole storm of indignation, during a seizure the child hits his head on the walls and floor, screams, sobs, many children are prone to the appearance of convulsive syndrome during a hysteria. Such convulsions acquired their name “hysterical bridge” because of the child’s posture - during a hysteria, he arches.

Stages of tantrums

Children's hysterical seizures are characterized by the following stages:

Screams. This is the initial stage of hysteria, the child stops hearing anyone, he screams loudly, scaring the parents, but does not make any demands.
Motor excitement. Manifests itself by falling on the floor, hitting your head on objects, pulling out hair, etc. The baby does not feel any pain during this stage of hysteria.
Sobbing - the child cries loudly, sobbing and without stopping for a long time. His whole appearance expresses resentment and dissatisfaction. Since it is difficult for a child to cope with emotions, after the sobbing stage, he will sob for a long time, and the emotional state can be described as emptiness. After a tantrum, the baby may fall asleep during the day, but night sleep will be shallow and intermittent.

You can fight hysteria at the initial stage - the stage of screaming. If the child has crossed stage 2 or 3, conversations and attempts to calm down usually do not bring results.

How to stop an attack

Many inexperienced parents, faced with a similar situation for the first time, are interested in how to quickly stop hysterics in a child aged 3 years. The famous pediatrician Komarovsky claims that the tactics of behavior during a seizure should be as follows:

Do not spank the butt, shout at the child and scold him for bad behavior during a tantrum. He still won’t understand anything, it will only intensify the explosion of emotions. The talking tactic will only work after the seizure ends. If a child is hysterical when entering kindergarten, and does not want to part with his mother, there is no need to hold him in your arms for a long time and say goodbye, it is recommended to leave the child with the teacher and leave quickly. This way the time of children's hysteria will be reduced.

Hysterics at night

Many parents notice that the baby began to throw tantrums at night at the age of 3 years, which were not observed before. The baby wakes up at night, screams, refuses to drink or go to the potty, and often the mother cannot even understand whether the child is sleeping or conscious while screaming.

There may be several reasons:

To improve night's sleep and prevent tantrums, you need to understand the reasons that provoke them. It would be a good idea to show your baby to a child psychologist.

Prevention

Now it remains to figure out how to deal with tantrums in a 3-year-old child in order to reduce their frequency and level of emotions during attacks. It is recommended to take the following measures:

Immediately after the end of the hysterical attack, you need to hug the child and try to explain to him that the mother is upset by this behavior (but not by the child himself!). The child must understand that parents want to be proud of their child, and it is impossible to be proud of such ugly behavior. It is important that the child understands that his mother still loves him, despite his bad behavior, and strives to reduce his whims to a minimum.

It is impossible to completely prevent the development of tantrums in a child at the age of 3; every child must experience this stage of emotional maturation. But you can reduce the frequency of attacks by paying him due attention, taking into account his opinion and teaching him patience and self-control.

Much depends on the behavior of the parents - they must be attentive to the child, and at the slightest deviation from the norm (severe attacks, cessation of breathing during hysteria, convulsive syndrome), contact a child neurologist and psychologist.

Children's tantrums frustrate and discourage parents. Let's look at the reasons that may prompt children to behave this way, as well as tips on how to act correctly during a child's tantrum.

Why is the baby capricious?

Hysteria in children can occur for a number of reasons...

The child got sick. The baby begins to feel unwell, but he himself does not understand his condition. He may experience weakness and discomfort, but cannot explain this to his parents, so the child becomes hysterical
The baby wants attention. Parents have many daily tasks. Mom needs to cook, wash, iron. At this time, the child is allowed to play or watch a cartoon on his own, but he refuses to do it alone. He wants his parents to keep him company, so he throws a tantrum.
The child wants to achieve what he wants. For this reason, hysteria may arise, for example, in a store due to the fact that his parents refused to buy him another car, doll or some other toy.
The kid protests. From two to five years, a child develops independent desires and needs. He wants to choose which carousel to ride in the park, and who to play with on the playground. Parents, overly worried about their child, try to impose a certain model of behavior on him and forbid the child to show independence. The child begins to cry, expressing protest.
The child is tired. Often the baby begins to be capricious, as it seems to parents, for no reason. He was visiting, had fun all day, played, watched cartoons with other children, walked, and in the evening he began to be capricious and cry. The cause of such hysterics may be emotional overstrain.

How to prevent tantrums in a 1-2 year old child

Children aged 1-2 years experience a crisis in the first year of life, which is expressed in disobedience, a desire for independence, an acute reaction to parental prohibitions, which is accompanied by frequent hysterics.

Table 1. How to prevent tantrums in a one-year-old child in specific situations

Situation leading to hysteria	Reason for hysteria	What should parents do?
A one-year-old baby sits at the table and tries to eat porridge or soup with a spoon on his own, his movements are rather awkward, he stains the table and clothes. Mom takes the spoon from him and begins to feed him, which causes dissatisfaction and hysterical crying of the child.	The child does not like that his attempts to be independent are thwarted.	In this situation, you can do differently - take a second spoon and continue the meal with your baby. Nothing bad will happen if it gets dirty, but the child made an attempt to eat on his own. Perhaps the time has come to reconsider your attitude towards your child. You shouldn’t do everything for your baby, but you should try to “walk” with him, doing everything together. For example, during the first half of the second year of life, you can teach your child to put on tights, sandals, a hat, mittens, a scarf, brush his teeth and wash himself.
A one-year-old child throws a tantrum when he is not allowed to play with an illegal object.	The baby reacts sharply to a ban from the parent.	If a child is playing with something illegal, before taking this item away and hearing an outrageous cry, it is advisable to divert the child’s attention to another interesting thing or offer an alternative. For example, if a child has taken documents out of a locker and is trying to immortalize his first drawings on them, you should invite him to draw in an album prepared specifically for children’s creativity.
The child does not want to get dressed and throws a tantrum.	The process of getting dressed is unpleasant for the baby, he is bored or something has ruined his mood.	A small child does not know how to dress himself, and the process itself is boring for him. Rhymes and counting rhymes that the baby likes will help make dressing “alive.” They will distract his attention from the boring process.A child's refusal to get dressed may not be related to the process of getting dressed. He slept poorly, his favorite toy broke, which completely ruined his mood. Crying is the most accessible way for a baby to relieve stress. In this case, parents need to remain calm. Give your child some independence by allowing him to choose his own clothes, even if the items don't match. It is imperative to praise the child for the choice he has made, without criticizing or laughing.
The baby cries when returning from a walk.	The child does not want to finish the walk and go home.	Many children do not want to return home from the street, so when they cross the threshold of the apartment, they begin to cry. To prevent children from crying, you need to prepare the child in advance for the fact that it is time to go home, and not quickly tear him away from playing, swinging on a merry-go-round, etc. On the way home, be sure to distract the baby by switching his attention to what is happening at home , tell how the toys miss him and how happy they will be for him to return home. When you come home, do not immediately sit your baby down at the table to feed him or put him to bed. It's better to give him some time to play with his favorite toys.
The child does not want to share his toys with other children and begins to scream if they try to take his things from him.	Child's reluctance to share personal belongings.	Parents need to be understanding of their child’s reluctance to share their toys with others, because no adult would give their phone, computer or car to a stranger. The child is free to manage his own personal belongings. Parents should teach their child to ask permission to play with or exchange other people's toys, but should not deny or condemn the child's right to refuse. Therefore, if a child does not give up his toys and cries, there is no need to insist that he must share them. It is better to move with your baby to the other side, calm him down and continue the game. Children do not share toys because they think that they will not get their “good” back. At home, parents can talk to the child and explain that the children will play and return the toy they took from him. So that the child can understand this, parents can play with him a game about the Greedy Bear and the Hare. The essence of the game is that the characters described above share their toys. At the same time, the Hare happily shares his cars, cubes and asks permission to play with Mishka’s toys, assuring him that he will play a little and will definitely give him back. Invite your child to first be the Teddy Bear in the game, and then the Good Hare. This game will help the child learn certain rules of behavior and in the future happily share toys with other children.

A capricious child aged two to 5 years: what parents should do

At the age of two to five years, a restructuring of the child’s character occurs and he begins to react more sharply to prohibitions from adults. Children of this age are still emotionally immature, and what seems unimportant to adults can turn into a real tragedy for a child and lead to hysteria.

Table 2. How to properly respond to tantrums in a 2-5 year old child typical situations

A situation that causes hysterics in a 2-5 year old child	Causes of hysteria	What should parents do?
A joyful day with guests, cartoons, fun and even gifts ends with the child’s whims and nightly tantrums.	Emotional stress, fatigue.	It is worth remembering that the character of a child between two and five years old has not yet formed emotionally. He quickly gets tired of a large number of people, gets nervous around strangers, and cries from overexertion. For a child 2-5 years old, it is important to follow a daily routine. The child should rest and sleep at lunchtime. And if you see that the baby is tired while visiting, then it is better to take him away from everyone and calm him down.
Parents are overly worried about their baby, so playground They forbid him to climb a high hill, although other children of the same age enthusiastically slide down it. Protecting the child from possible falls and bruises, parents forbid him to ride a bicycle, do not take him to the skating rink, etc. Over time, the child, seeing that other children are excitedly playing catch-up, ride a bicycle quickly, and he sits in the sandbox. begins to be indignant, and expresses his protest by shouting.	Protest against excessive guardianship.	The child needs to be given more independence, given the opportunity to explore and understand the world. You need to try to talk to your child as an equal. The child must understand that parents do not simply seek to take care of him, depriving him of independence, but are ready to become his assistants, whom he can turn to if he needs help.
A kid in a store starts screaming and pulling at his parents’ clothes so that they immediately buy him some kind of toy or buy him some sweets.	Can't get what he wants.	You need to discuss this situation with the child, try to explain to him that he should behave this way in in public places ugly. The main thing is not to give in to children's tantrums and not to buy the child what he wants, otherwise this behavior will be repeated.
A baby under one year old is given a lot of attention, the mother tries not to leave his side, forgetting about all household chores and worries. The older the child gets, the more often parents have to leave him for a while. Because of this, he begins to cry, calling on adults to pay attention to him.	The child wants more attention, he wants to be with his mother all the time.	To eliminate whims due to these reasons, it is advisable to devote as much time as possible to your baby: playing with him, being creative, taking walks. But it wouldn’t hurt to explain to the child that he must play alone for some time, and his mother, as soon as she is free, will immediately join him.
An active baby suddenly doesn’t want to play, he constantly asks to be held or lies down on the sofa, refuses to eat and cries for no reason.	These symptoms may indicate illness. If a child of 4-5 years old can tell adults that he feels unwell, then it is quite difficult for children of 2-3 years old to explain their condition.	At the first symptoms of the disease, you should immediately measure your temperature. If it is elevated, consult a doctor immediately. Only a specialist will be able to accurately determine the causes of the ailment and prescribe competent treatment. But it’s not worth self-medicating and risking the baby’s health. Accordingly, parents should understand that during illness, children become excessively capricious and require increased attention.

Helpful advice regarding parental behavior during children's tantrums is given by psychologist of the highest category L. V. Khodorovskaya.

With tantrums, children most often try to manipulate their parents and show that they don’t like something. First of all, try to remain calm and not indulge in hysteria. Talk to your child very calmly. Ask him to calmly explain what he wants, and then discuss his desire. But promise to fulfill this desire only if you have the opportunity. You cannot promise to fulfill a child’s request and then successfully forget about it. In this case, the hysteria will repeat again, because the child will not forget the deception. If it is not possible to fulfill his desire, then try to switch his attention to something else. When your baby sees that you react to his antics completely calmly, he will stop hysterical.

It is impossible to completely get rid of children's tantrums, but parents can prevent some of them. You need to spend time with your baby as often as possible and not push him away when he needs to communicate with his parents. If the hysterics do not stop, but gradually only gain momentum, stopping them becomes more and more difficult each time, then you should contact a specialist .