How to deal with strong emotions. How to learn to restrain emotions - advice from a psychologist, practical recommendations. How it works

Good time.
How to cope with negative emotions.

In our lives, sometimes things are very difficult. There are moments when you are filled with resentment, fear, pain, irritation or some other unpleasant feeling.

Also, very often, during the passage of any transformation programs and trainings, negative feelings and emotions become so strong that it seems that it is no longer possible to carry them within yourself.

The main thing at this moment do not follow their lead, do not allow this condition to become the main one and control your life. But at the same time, do not give up on them, give them space. After all, this is part of you.

What to do?

Let yourself live this state, help your psyche process these negative feelings and emotions and transform them into something else.

Take any drawing material: pencils, paints, crayons, etc. and several sheets of paper. And start drawing. What exactly to draw? Whatever your hand wants.

For example, you have a severe sad internal state. This is a very difficult feeling; it’s difficult to live with, work with, or move towards something. I want to curl up and cry under the covers.

Don’t rush to hug a pillow and blanket. Grab your pencils and sheets of paper!

What color would reflect your condition? Black, brown, swamp green? Select. And just start moving your hand over the paper, as if in semi-automatic mode. Don't think about WHAT you are drawing. It's just movement, just color.
When you start drawing, you will feel how the feelings inside you begin to “move” and transform. Follow this dynamic: it may be time to change the color or start drawing circles instead of lines.

Relief will not necessarily come immediately.

It often happens that the condition initially worsens. This happens because, perhaps, the negative state that you experienced is something like a “lid”. It was enough for you that you felt bad, so you did not allow yourself to live through these negative emotions to the end, and therefore did not come into contact with a deeper layer of feelings.

Don't be alarmed. Even if it gets worse emotionally, then take a different color and paint.

After some time, you will notice that the colors are becoming lighter and warmer, the lines are calmer, and maybe you will even notice that you are already drawing some kind of plot, and not just color spots.
And what do you feel inside? Is life already getting better?

How it works?

The main secret of this technique is that when you draw, you are always in contact with your feelings, but not completely immersed in them. On the one hand, you live them, but, on the other hand, they do not capture you so much that you lose control.

When a feeling is recognized and lived, it transforms and changes.
While drawing, you seem to transfer it onto a sheet of paper, i.e. “unload” this feeling from yourself into the material world. Therefore, the transformation happens faster.

There are several rules:

- colors, lines, images are chosen intuitively (it’s not difficult, just try it)
- draw on one sheet as much as you are drawing. When you feel that “everything is here”, change the sheet. Maybe the paper will be completely painted over, or maybe there will only be a couple of strokes in the center, but if you feel that you need a blank sheet, then take it.
- use as many sheets of paper as you need, don’t skimp. Sometimes it takes 20, 30 sheets for the state to begin to transform.
- these drawings NOT stored, are not considered, etc. They drew it and IMMEDIATELY tore it up and threw it away.

What will this technique give you?

You don’t get stuck in difficult conditions, but transform them and recover
- You don’t delve deeper into their experience, don’t bring them to a peak state
- You don’t displace them somewhere “deeper” and “farther away”, which leads to psychosomatics and a lot of problems in the future
- when you draw and experience these feelings, you stop being afraid of them. Fear of feeling negative states is a very common symptom. Because of this fear, they often abandon feelings altogether. By practicing this method, you create the attitude “I can cope with any feeling,” which makes you calmer and more confident.

This is not a complicated practice telling how how to cope with negative conditions. You can read it and put it in your knowledge bank. Or you can pick up pencils and a pack of paper.

Your inner state is only in your hands.

Just do it. Just change it. It's really simple.

With love and gratitude
Irina Yur

Unfortunately, in our world, negativity and negative emotions surround us everywhere. The ability to find positive and pleasant qualities in something ordinary needs to be constantly developed.

Previously, we told you about the secrets of positive thinking from Natalya Pravdina and other bioenergy experts who have helped thousands of people become happier. Together with this article, Pravdina’s recommendations will have a very positive effect and will tell everyone their path on the path to happiness.

How to deal with negativity

At first glance, the fight against negativity may seem simple, but it is not so, since our inner world is faster filled with negative emotions and charged with negative energy than positive.

What does negativity lead to:

• difficulty making decisions;
• you are easier to control;
• deterioration of health.

Thus, it is clear that human weakness in relation to negative emotions is actually much worse than many assume. How to fight this disease?

Tip one: never keep negativity to yourself. This does not mean that it needs to be thrown out, but there is no place for it inside either. In this case, you risk withdrawing into yourself, which is even worse than just being offended, angry or disappointed. Talk about your feelings with your loved one, with your parents, with your friends. Let them help you or at least listen, which will already help you significantly reduce or smooth out the negative consequences.

Tip two: get rid of bad habits. This includes cigarettes and alcohol, because they chemically do not allow the body to “rejoice” by releasing the corresponding substances. In addition, you can read our popular article about eight bad habits that prevent you from living a happy life. They attract negative emotions, which is why they pose a certain danger to each of us.

Tip three: use of affirmations. This technique works effectively if you are already living in a bad mood and nothing brings you joy. This is an excellent way to protect and heal negative emotions. Every morning, when you wake up, tell yourself that you are happy, that you are in a good mood, that you are ready for victories and new achievements. In short, use positive attitudes. Over time, they will connect with your mind and become your thoughts without reminder.

Tip four: be realistic. If you live with your dreams and hopes, you risk being disappointed, because our world is material. The spiritual side of life can be used in something else, so focus on putting effort into achieving a result, and not just believing in success.

Tip five: accept help and ask for help. This is very important, because there are life situations that can only be resolved with the support of loved ones. Don't reject those who selflessly try to help you get out of depression, because nothing motivates these people - they just love you and dream of seeing you smile.

There are days when you are sleep deprived, depressed, exhausted from unbearable stress, and to such an extent that you feel like you are about to lose all patience and break down. However, don't despair! Check out eight simple, effective ways to help you cope with negative emotions and find your inner zen.

1. Realize that your emotions are completely natural.

As a child, you probably learned more than once that expressing negative emotions is not socially acceptable behavior. “Big girls don’t cry”, “Cry and I’ll give you a roll” - remember? “The reality is that emotional expression is purely physiological,” says Jude Bijou, family therapist, educator, and author of the scientific paper Reconstructing Relationships for a Better Life. – “At the heart of all negative emotions are the “three pillars” - anger, sadness and fear. Their manifestation is a completely normal practice, even for absolutely healthy people.”

2. In any situation, you can apply “Plan B”

"Tantrums, meltdowns, and even brother fights are inevitable," says Nicole Napper, a licensed professional clinical counselor and author of Moms Who Drink and Fight: True Stories of How My Kids Love Me Even When I'm Abusing Me. mind." “But if you take everything into account and plan for the future, you can prepare in advance for such difficult situations. For example, here are some ideas: put your capricious baby in the bath and let him scream and make trouble until he is completely exhausted. Or go to the park, take a walk, relax, listen to the birds singing until your “obsession” runs out on its own.”

3. Set expectations based on reality

If you are trying to be an ideal mother and strictly follow all the recommendations coming from different sides, then the only thing that awaits you is disappointment. Instead of following all the outside advice, rethink your situation and take the actions that are currently relevant for your family.

4. Don't sit idly by

Do you have to stay at home with your children because the day turned out to be cloudy and rainy? In this case, try to involve children in any activity, occasionally taking breaks of 20 minutes to read a magazine, take a bath or call a friend. “Anyway, do something. If an activity supports you and makes you feel more comfortable, do it without hesitation,” advises Nicole Napper.

5. Laugh and use your sense of humor

According to a recent study conducted at the University of Oxford, laughter triggers an additional release of endorphins, thereby significantly improving mood. Sometimes it even helps relieve pain. “It’s quite normal to have fun from the heart in a difficult or even hopeless situation,” says Napper. “But to continue to “wind up” yourself is the same as setting yourself up for complete defeat.”

6. Let off some steam

Have you already realized that counting to 10 and taking deep breaths don’t help you cope with your emotions at all? Then get rid of destructive energy through physical means - stomp your feet, slam doors, hit the mattress with your fists, or simply yell “Uhh!” If you are sad and sad, allow yourself to cry. Instead of aggravating your fear, trying by all means to control and keep it within yourself, shake your whole body, tremble, moan, climb into a closet or under the table in fear - anything, just don’t pretend that you feel good and calm. What, there are a lot of children around? Then go to another room or explain to them that you are a little upset at the moment, but that it will pass in a couple of minutes.

7. Accept everything as it comes

It is difficult to discipline your child if you yourself are boiling like a teapot. It’s better to try to accept his behavior as it is (even if it’s difficult at the moment). This will give you at least some chance of communication, and you will carefully transfer the child’s emotional state “to a different track.” Focus your thinking on acceptance rather than unreasonable expectations.

8. Ask for help

According to the Gallup-Healthways Well-Being Index, a research group based on the so-called Well-Being Index, 28% of stay-at-home mothers and 17% of working mothers say they are constantly depressed. If you feel that you cannot cope with your negative emotions on your own, seek help from your family, friends or professionals.

Everyone has emotions. Some of them - joy or happiness - are quite easy to cope with. Other emotions, including fear, anger or sadness, are more complex. When dealing with anger, depression or frustration, it is important to be able to respond appropriately to such emotions, which can cause anxiety in the short and long term.

Steps

How to Handle Difficult Emotions in a Stressful Moment

Identify your current emotion. This may be more difficult than it seems. When in doubt, start with the four main categories: worry, sadness, anger, or joy. By simply identifying your feeling, you can begin to weaken the emotion, moving forward in finding the cause. Feelings can vary in intensity, but most can be classified into one of these four broad categories.

Practice breathing relaxation techniques. Such measures when dealing with a difficult emotion are a common strategy. To deal with an emotional reaction, focus on the things you can control. In this case it is breathing. Research shows that breathing control training has a positive effect on the fight-or-flight response to stress.

• For example, one simple way is to count to five as you inhale, then hold your breath and count to five as you exit. Focus on each step of the breath.
• Another method is the deflated balloon method. Inflate the balloon and watch it deflate.

1. Self-soothing method. This is another way to focus on something other than a difficult emotion. An illustrative example of self-soothing is the five senses method. Sit in a comfortable position and focus on breathing. Then separate each of your five senses and focus on each of them for a minute. Please note the following:

   • Hearing: What sounds do you hear? External sounds are important - the noise of cars, people talking, the chirping of birds. Switch to internal sounds - breathing or digestion. When you focus on hearing, do you notice things that previously escaped your attention?
   • Smell: What smells do you smell? Is there food nearby? Flowers outside the window? You can identify smells that you haven't noticed before, like the smell of paper in a book. Close your eyes. This can sometimes help reduce visual distractions.
   • Vision: What do you see? Pay attention to details - colors, patterns, shapes and textures. Pay attention to the color palette of common items that you haven't really considered before.
   • Taste: What taste do you smell? Even if you don't eat anything, you experience a certain taste. Distinguish the aftertaste of the last drink or dish. Run your tongue over your teeth and cheeks to get a better understanding.
   • Touch: How do you feel without moving from your current sitting position? Feel the touch of clothing, a chair or the floor on your skin. Feel the texture of the fabric or upholstery of the chair with your fingers and focus on that.

2. Try progressive muscle relaxation (PRM). This is one of the ways to manage the situation by tensing and relaxing different muscle groups. The advantages of this method include the ability to become aware of all the physical sensations of your body. Start with your toes and work your way up to individual muscle groups throughout your body, all the way up to your head.

   Meditation or prayer. Meditation improves positive emotions, satisfaction, health and joy. It also reduces anxiety, stress and depression. There are many ways to meditate, but the goal of each is to calm the mind.

   Drop the negative thought. Some people find it helpful to write down negative emotions so they can question them later. A physical action like throwing a paper with a negative emotion written on it will help you deal with it mentally. Despite the symbolism, associating controlled physical action with releasing an emotion should help you.

   Positive images. The easiest way to interrupt negative thoughts is to replace them with positive images. This is especially helpful if you are stuck in a memory with a complex emotional impact. Start with an image or mental representation of something pleasant or peaceful. It could be a place or a memory. You can think of a time/situation/place that can calm you down and improve your mood.

   Talk to a friend. Loneliness when experiencing sad or painful emotions can create an echo chamber in which your emotion swirls. Try talking to someone in your social circle. Emotions are contagious, and joy is no exception. One of your funny friends can save you at such a moment.

How to curb emotions for a long time

Keep a diary. This helps many people understand and process difficult emotions. Sometimes the complexity of an emotion is simply the inability to express it. Write down events, your feelings, duration and severity of emotions. By simply putting these thoughts into writing, you will immediately begin to process the emotion.

Identify the source of difficult emotions. By writing down your emotions, you may discover repetition of sources that weren't obvious before. Try to identify the source of each emotion. Once you know the common causes, try to figure out how to get rid of them or at least reduce the impact on you.

1. Fight negative thoughts. Often people despair when faced with difficult emotions and immediately begin to develop negative thoughts that are far from reality. By separating and questioning such thoughts, you can track the reactions that become an avalanche of difficult emotions. The process of struggling and correcting your thoughts takes time and patience, but first ask yourself the following questions:

   • Is this idea true?
   • If you believe it to be true, what evidence supports such a hypothesis?
   • How do you respond to negative thoughts?
   • How will your behavior or actions change if you get rid of this thought?

2. Use thought interruption techniques. Once you understand how to question negative thoughts, you can begin to acknowledge the behaviors associated with them. This will allow you to interrupt a series of negative thoughts and replace them with positive or productive thoughts.

   • You can start with a verbal interruption (telling yourself “Stop it”) or even a physical stimulus (rubber band on your wrist) when you detect a negative thought. This will help interrupt it.

My thoughts are for those who perceive life mostly emotionally. If you are emotionally stable, and you are almost always guided by considerations of rationality and expediency of your manifestations, I think that what I write will seem strange to you, to say the least...

Life is always different... For emotionally active people, to whom I primarily include myself, impressions from participation in various events and contacts with Others primarily pass through the filters of sensory sensations, influencing our emotional states. After all, emotions are our first response to interaction with our environment. We cry - we laugh - we rejoice - we get sad - we experience a bunch of other states. And so - every day.

When we are constantly in this emotional “cauldron” of ours, it turns out that almost all of our internal states depend on those who surround us. Yes, to become completely independent of your environment is by definition impossible. But we definitely have opportunities to be more ourselves than a mirror of the world. Which only reflects what is happening outside. And even so...it often reflects “crookedly”, refracting many of its reactions through layers of previous experience. Giving out “rehearsed” and often precisely “defensive” emotional responses that once helped out in similar situations...

Where is the possible root of our greater independence - and therefore the ability to more resiliently self-determinate in the most diverse challenges of reality?

The human psyche is mosaic. A whole company of all sorts of different characters cohabits within us - read either roles or parts, from which we - depending on the current situation - are accustomed to react in one way or another to what happens to us. I really like the metaphor that a person is a house. Each one is built primarily according to the design of the primary, parental family, and completed - remodeled by us - as adults. Some people have a cramped dugout camouflaged from strangers, others have a high-rise building with a bunch of different people, often unfamiliar with each other. And all these residents are our different manifestations. Reactions to the environment. Ways of contact with Others.

It’s good when this house is mostly clean and comfortable. Each resident knows his place. There are either no eternal brawlers and constantly sullen crybabies at all, or they still know how to calm down so...quickly. And if in our house there is a Manager, for whom everyone in this house is familiar, who is able to observe order and at least somehow control the manifestations of our characters, who has the ability to calm this one down, to encourage that one, and to “put it in sight” “Consider life a success.

The manager is our deepest part. Which depends little on the momentary nature of life. Some may call it the Soul, others the Self. Psychoanalysts call it the observing part of the ego. Followers of Bern - The adult part of the personality. Which “centers” our psyche, gives it stability in living through uncertainty and protects us from decay and chaos. And our roles - characters - ways of perception and reaction - this is what our Self gets to know itself and the Universe.

You can live your whole life not knowing that it exists in you. But sometimes - in rare moments of silence - you can come into contact with it. When you retire and give yourself the opportunity to just be. Like the tide of the sea, like the sound of the wind in the forest.

To do this you need to do very simple things. Provide yourself, at least for half an hour, comfortably position yourself so that your body feels the warmth and support of what it is now leaning on, and calmly observe your breathing - thoughts - traces of emotions... As if you are in front of a screen on which all sorts of events are unfolding different stories where you are one of the main characters. This kind of attentive but slightly detached contemplation is a good way to gradually become aware of your inner characters. Which for the most part manifest themselves in us unconsciously, impoverishing our possibilities of contact with ourselves and with the world with their fixed reactions. Try just observing. Through even, calm breathing and safe relaxation of the body, slightly slow down the circulation of your thoughts. Hear - see - feel which emotion is making which part of your psyche active now. And which one shuts his mouth. And how precisely such an emotional reaction really corresponds to what caused it “here and now” in your reality. Or is this emotion - thought - sensation - just a familiar “shield” that insures you from encountering something new in your life.

When we have a happy period in life - we are in love, or we have a new interesting job, or something else that joyfully excites us, with all our pleasure we are ready to give ourselves entirely to these positive emotions. At such moments, we don’t care at all that everything that now excites us so much is just the external side of our life. We are ready to open our borders and are happy to take credit for these delicious events and these wonderful people who give us so many delicious things...

But since the source of our joy is external, we certainly do not have sufficient resources to control it in such a way that it uninterruptedly supplies us with only positive things. Any Other at any moment can say a word or do a deed that will really upset us. Yes, and one more thing - euphoric states take up too much of our energy for us to remain in this forever without subsequent exhaustion... Let's see what can happen to us when the “first cloud” comes over our “rainbow” horizon. For example, our love ended in separation. You are left with a very disgusting and painful feeling that you have been abandoned. Your feelings were betrayed. You are “torn” by the most contradictory moods: either you want to run after him and do everything to get him back, or you want to “tear” him to shreds, make his life without you hell. Then you want to become a block of ice that doesn’t care... And in these cases, with the same ardor and heat, you surrender entirely to these painful emotions. Life practically stops, everything focuses around the core of your experiences.

Of course, time always comes out of this. It is impossible to suffer intensely for a very long time, just as it is impossible to rejoice intensely. Over time, everything always calms down. But time “erodes” the pain. It just "dulls" it. But “running on a rake” - in other words, falling again and again into similar passions - how to deal with it?

I think that the development of one’s Self—the observing part—can be very useful here.

When we are completely captivated by something, we are dissolved in only one - out of many quite accessible to us - possibilities of perceiving reality. And we lose touch with our depth. With the Manager of the house of your soul. I want to suggest this to you - instead of cherishing your pain, or anger, or despair, or traces of childhood traumas, try, through the method indicated above, to simply meet your ability from a participant in your today’s tragedy to at least briefly turn into an observer. First, take a closer look—listen to yourself—which part of you is most involved in the situation that is traumatic for you now. This could be your inner child, whom any form of situational rejection plunges into the acute despair of abandonment. Or it could be the younger feminine part of you that was often hurt as a teenager. Or it could be you who needs recognition like air.

When you try to do such work, you definitely free yourself from the totality of your experience. And then you can, for example, say to yourself: “Yes, my little girl is now all in tears - she’s in pain, empty, lonely and scared. But this girl is only a small part of me - today. And I have quite adults who support "I now have areas of my life experience that I can lean on to comfort my little self."

In measures to save yourself from difficult emotions, I want to warn you against immediately switching to all sorts of different actions. When our feelings make us suffer, it’s a good way to “bustle” them, placing the energy of the experience in all sorts of ways of self-switching. Yes, of course, if you feel an inner emptiness from parting with your loved one, you can try to quickly fill it with someone else. But, if you are still filled with the content of the relationship with the one who left, you are in a new contact, instead of really trying to build it, you will try your best to “catch up - agree - complete” the previous relationship. And this new man will most likely fall into the transference of your perceptions - fears - of all the “unfinished things” of your past.

Yes, this is a sure way to eventually come to a disappointing conclusion like: “All men are the same!” And also: “I’m a poor baby!”

My suggestion is to live through your sorrows. By limiting their perception to one part of themselves. But to let her cry is to grieve. Supporting it with other sides of your Personality. First of all, with the participation of your Adult Observer.

Each grief has its own depth. But there is always a bottom. And you can flounder for a long time and tiresomely, trying to “jump out” of the experience, or you can simply accept your grieving part for today. Give her the opportunity to plunge into sadness, so that later, pushing off from the bottom, go up to new sensations of life. From my own experience I know that this method is the best way out of grief. Because it helps to end a traumatic situation. And - as a result - draw quite encouraging conclusions on how to cope with life in all its diversity in the future.

Lopatukhina Irina, practicing psychotherapist

Discussion

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