How to calm a child during a tantrum: effective tips against attacks of children's anger. How to calm a child? Learning to extinguish tantrums How to calm a child when he has

It is common for a newborn child to cry, be capricious and hysterical in the first days and months of life. The baby expresses his concern to his parents in this way. Even experienced parents Those who already have two or more children often do not understand why the child is crying and do not know how to calm him down. What to do in such a situation? How to calm a child? Let's figure it out together.

Adults express emotions with words and facial expressions, but a newborn has to shout or cry about any changes in his condition: after all, he does not yet know how to talk. Anyone who is constantly near the baby (usually a mother or a nanny) must learn to distinguish by the nature of the “sound signals” emitted by the child, what exactly is bothering him at this moment and how to help him cope with the problem. How and what the reason “sounds” can be recognized if you show a little attention and sensitivity to the baby.

What to do first?

As soon as the baby begins to whine, the mother should know what to do:

Calm down. This is not difficult for experienced mothers of many children, but if a woman has a first-born child, she must learn to quickly pull herself together without giving in to emotions. This is easier said than done: after all, some children can cry constantly, which is very exhausting for both the child himself and the adults around him. If in this moment There is a husband or other family member next to you, hand the baby over to them for a couple of minutes (this time is just enough for you to calm down), leave the room and breathe deeply. Now your task is to help the newborn return to its former comfortable state.
Define. Anything can cause your baby's dissatisfaction: from a desire to eat to pain in the tummy. It is necessary to exclude the causes of crying step by step, one after another, until you find what was bothering the child.
Eliminate the cause of concern. The ability to recognize the desires and state of the baby by his crying and behavior leads to the fact that the mother learns to quickly calm down her baby and cope with the problem of his discomfort.

The main thing is to always respond to any manifestation of anxiety on the part of the baby: he never cries for no reason. A cry helps the baby signal to his mother about any discomfort: hunger, heat, wet diapers, pain, etc. And you, as the person closest to him, are simply obliged to understand your child, no matter how difficult it may seem at first.

Causes of anxiety in infants

The most common irritating factors for a newborn baby are:

hunger,
accumulated air () in the stomach,
wet diapers or a leaking overflowing diaper,
cold (hypothermia) or heat (overheating),
folds in clothes or diapers,
overexcitement or fatigue,
fear of something or someone,
pain due to a vaccine or illness.

So there are more than enough reasons for the baby to show concern.

Doctor Komarovsky talks about the reasons for children's crying

How to calm your baby

By sifting out one by one the causes of the baby’s discomfort, you can find exactly what worries him and prevents him from being calm and happy at the moment. And to solve the problem knowledgeable mother definitely can.

1. If the child is hungry

IN Soviet times our mothers and grandmothers breastfed their children for hours at a time. Modern pediatricians and psychologists strongly recommend that mothers feed their newborns. Often, a baby's whining indicates hunger. You just need to give him breastfeeding (and in the case of artificial feeding, a bottle of formula). All infants constantly require maternal warmth and attention, so the nipple for them is not only nutrition, but also a unique way of realizing that the closest and dearest person is nearby. Even if the hunger is not so strong.

2. If after feeding the newborn swallows air with milk

After feeding, it is best to hold the baby’s chin with your whole body for some time on the mother’s shoulder and lightly tap him on the back. If it is not done on time and the air remains inside, it can disturb the baby, causing discomfort. As soon as the air (gases) is released, the baby’s anxiety will go away.

In order for the baby to burp after eating, so that the gases come out, the baby needs to be held in a column

3. If the baby is uncomfortable due to the feeling of dampness

Even the highest quality and most expensive diaper is needed, and in the event of defecation, immediately after it. With diapers you will have to do this many times more often. Therefore, as soon as you hear your baby grunting, it is worth checking to see if he is wet, has pooped, or has a full diaper.

4. If the temperature is uncomfortable. The child is stuffy or cold

When a newborn is stuffy or cold, he certainly reacts to this by crying dissatisfiedly. Overheating and hypothermia are very harmful for the baby due to the immature heat exchange system. In the first month, from a physiological point of view, the baby is not able to retain heat at all. Therefore, pay attention in time to see if he is wearing a lot of clothes in a stuffy room or if he is cold in your room if the room is cool. Be sure to avoid synthetics in children's clothes. Don’t forget to ventilate your child’s room often, but avoid drafts.

5. Buttons on clothes or folds in diapers can cause discomfort for your baby.

All baby diapers and clothes should be soft, made from natural materials, without pilling or folds. Babies under 1 month of age should not have any fittings (buttons, hooks or zippers) in their underwear (babies, undershirts, rompers). For such children, even the seams on things are made outward. If, nevertheless, it is the clothes or a crumpled diaper that caused the child’s discomfort, you just need to change his clothes or swaddle him, and then rock him to calm him down. It helps some children: the baby associates it with tightness in the mother’s tummy.

6. If the baby is overexcited and cannot sleep

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It often happens that the emotions a newborn receives (in communication with other relatives or guests at home) prevent him from falling asleep peacefully. Such overexcitation will also lead to whims. Simple steps before bedtime can help you set yourself up for a restful sleep:

evening walk on fresh air,
bathing,
light massage,
motion sickness in a crib or stroller,
breast or pacifier
a slow and quiet pleasant melody, a lullaby or even a monotonous sound,
a mobile above the crib or stroller with cute little animals and calm music,
hissing, rocking... etc... ways to calm you down before bed infant, weight.

The same methods can be used when a baby is overtired if he has not slept much during the day. All repeated children's whims at night are effectively eliminated thanks to.

7. If the baby gets scared when left alone in the room

When the mother, having put the baby to bed, leaves the nursery, the child may wake up. And as soon as he does not find his loved one nearby, he begins to show concern. To prevent the whimpering from turning into a scream, you need to return to the baby’s room as quickly as possible and rock him. If this does not help, take the baby in your arms.

And a couple more useful tips. Children from birth to 3 months calm down faster from techniques that remind them of intrauterine life: sucking, rocking, hissing, laying on their side in the fetal position and swaddling. And starting from three months, babies are already able to switch attention from one object to another and look at it for a long time. Colored paper, air balloons, rattles, bright pictures in a book will help him get distracted, and soon he will forget why he started this whole concert.

An experienced pediatrician at the Healthy Generation clinic, candidate of medical sciences, Natalya Konstantinovna Bishevskaya, will share a unique calming technique. Use these few seemingly simple steps and you can create comfortable conditions similar to those in the womb, in which your baby will quickly stop crying and fall asleep, almost like magic!

How to calm a colicky newborn baby

Intense, heart-rending crying with the characteristic tucking of a child's legs and a hard, swollen tummy most often indicates colic. They are usually observed daily in the evenings and become a real tragedy for mothers who are powerless in the face of the baby’s prolonged cry. There are several proven ways to reduce abdominal pain in a child due to the immaturity of his gastrointestinal tract:

Place the baby on his back and massage the tummy with closed fingers. It is important to control the pressure, massage carefully, strictly clockwise, avoiding the liver and navel areas.
Apply heat to your newborn's tummy. A clean diaper or blanket warmed on a radiator (or with an iron) will do.
Place the baby in the bed, exposing your belly and his, and walk around the room, quietly humming a lullaby. Hissing in the ear also helps: this sound reminds children of the blood flow and breathing of the mother when the child was still developing in her womb.
Conservative methods are not always able to cope with colic. And when all the remedies have been tried, and the baby is still suffering from excessive gas formation, it is worth turning to an experienced pediatrician for help: he will prescribe suitable safe medications. For example, Riabal and Espumisan in the form of syrup or fennel-based tea.

Mothers feeding breast milk must: the baby may react to certain foods (for example, peas, cabbage or peaches) - and then they will have to be temporarily excluded. It happens that one or another mixture is not suitable for artificial people, and then it also needs to be replaced.

How to soothe a baby when sick

If none of the attempts to calm the baby are successful, you need to pay attention to the presence of additional signs that will indicate the onset of the disease:

increase in body temperature,
inflammation and redness of the mucous membranes of the nose, throat and eyes,
rash on the face or body.

1. Teething: During teething, pain in the gums can be reduced by giving the baby chilled or special children's medications for toothache and itching (for example, Kalgel or Dentinox-N). They are produced in the form of gels, which are applied in small quantities to the child’s inflamed gums.

2. Otitis: Hysterical continuous crying may be a consequence of otitis media, if the remains breast milk or the mixtures got into the ear canals and caused inflammation in the ear. The pain with this diagnosis is so severe that babies even refuse to breastfeed, because... Sucking is also painful for them. You can check if everything is okay with the ear by pressing your finger on the cartilaginous protuberance at the base of the ear. If the baby jerks his head back and screams, immediate consultation with a pediatrician or pediatric otolaryngologist is necessary. Before seeing a doctor, Nurofen syrup relieves pain (you need to take it according to the dosage indicated in the instructions).

3. Vaccination: After vaccination, the injection site may also become sore, hot, or swollen. In such cases, doctors recommend that mothers give their child Nurofen and an antihistamine (for example, Fenistil) on the day of vaccination and the day after it.

Remember! You cannot get carried away with drugs for no apparent reason: they are prescribed exclusively by a doctor in certain doses according to the baby’s illness, condition and age.

It happens that the despair of mothers due to daily children's hysterics or screams turns into real depression and self-criticism. There is no need to look for the reason in yourself, just calm down (after all, your nerves and anxiety are transmitted to the baby) and understand: sooner or later you will definitely learn to quickly understand your beloved baby.

Video: How to calm a crying baby in 5 seconds!

An American doctor has figured out how to calm a crying baby in 5 seconds:

Video 2: With translation

How to calm a child during a tantrum? Parents often face this problem, but it is completely solvable. An adult does not need to panic, get angry, or lose his balance. There are various effective ways, which parents can take note of and apply if necessary. Their performance is high. The fight against hysteria should be carried out individually in each case and correspond to the characteristics of the children’s psyche.

Parents often wonder why children's tantrums appear and how to deal with them? Most often, this condition begins to manifest itself in children starting from the age of one year. At this time, hysterics in children are caused by the child’s manifestation of independence. He wants to learn new things, explore his surroundings, and has a high degree of curiosity. This is normal because children need to develop fully. It is impossible to limit the high degree of activity of a child associated with knowledge of the world around him.

Starting at this age, the child develops an understanding and acceptance that adults can prohibit certain actions. At this age, the pattern is to express dissatisfaction in a vivid form. The connections between what is wanted and what is possible appear clearly. In other words, they can be called boundaries. You need to know how to deal with children's tantrums, as it depends on age characteristics.

When one year old child is looking for methods through which he will be able to interact with surrounding subjects, it is very important to build normal relationships with him that correspond to the situations. Why is the child hysterical? Babies take into account their primary needs: food, warmth, communication. After some time, they develop desires that can be called more conscious needs. However, at this age there is still no perfect perception of time.

When desires appear, the baby wants to immediately make them come true. At the same time, he is able to show persistence, perseverance, bangs his head on the bed, cries, waves his arms, and falls to the floor. This phenomenon is one of the factors causing the crisis of the first year.

A child who throws tantrums eventually learns that not all desires are satisfied immediately. The child develops a sense of time. The same thing happens with volitional processes. This is a regulatory function of the psyche.

The reasons for children's hysterics initially lie in the crisis of the first year. Violent hysteria is characteristic of almost all children. Children's strikes vary in strength, and the frequency of their occurrence varies. Why does a child throw tantrums? The reasons are also different. An important factor is the child’s temperament and the behavior of all surrounding adult subjects.

With age, a child’s hysteria goes away on its own. Only some children are characterized by its presence. Even adults have hysterics, especially females. Hysterical crying indicates the presence of emotional disorders. They are associated with the remnants of the already mentioned crisis. The child throws tantrums because of problems that may arise at school or in his personal life.

Reliable methods

Psychologists say that when a child is very small, he tends to cry if something hurts, he is excited about something or is not happy. Such tears are completely justified. However, you often want to calm the baby down, but it doesn’t work.

What to do if a child is hysterical? If the baby is crying and is already old enough to do various things on his own, then you need to talk to him, reminding him of some very important and urgent event or matter. It must be done urgently, and crying only interferes with this. A parent must act wisely, because he does not forbid the child to cry and do as he wants. Mom just asks for some favor, which is why you need to wait a while, stop crying. This method works with many children, the hysteria really stops, and there is no need to waste extra nerves.

How to deal with children's tantrums? Crying can be quite conscious. You just need to ask the baby to cry quietly. For example, he needs to be told that his mother has a headache or his brother or sister is sleeping. When the child obeys, the hysteria will stop. You need to remain patient, then the effect will come faster.

How to properly respond to hysteria? Sometimes it will be most correct. If your baby is in a bad mood and he is trying to actively express it, you can ignore the crying. If you don’t feed the hysteria with additional attention, it will go away on its own. However, in such cases you should be very careful.

How to deal with child's tantrums? Often you should pay attention to the child and show your concern. You need to choose the right approach. For example, when a baby is capricious and does not want to get dressed, you can offer him to go for a walk, visit the birds, the cat, or find another excuse. It is important that he himself wants to stop crying and get dressed quickly.

When reacting to crying, you should cheerfully hurry up the child. He will have little time to understand what is happening. This method works mainly with young children.

How to calm a child's tantrum? If the baby is upset, charms can come to the rescue. They can be used for any condition. The technique involves a high degree of energy. The essence of the technique is that you need to constantly, continuously say something without stopping. The baby will involuntarily want to listen and stop crying.

When a child is hysterical, dangling his legs, and does not want to put on clothes, he freezes for a few seconds in surprise. This method helps even when you need to feed a toddler. Even in the most difficult situations it is possible to achieve passivity in behavior. But provided that the child is constantly hysterical, the chances of withstanding such conversational loads are very small. A parent should not just talk nonsense, but express useful information for the child.

other methods

When a child is hysterical, what should you do? During calming activities, it is permissible to use tickling, you can tell a funny story that will distract your son or daughter from crying. But stop it like that severe tantrums will not work. How to stop a child's hysteria? You should try to distract the baby. For example, you can tell him that there is an eyelash in the child’s eye; it must be taken out, since it prevents him from crying.

How to deal with children's tantrums when the child is already grown up? With age, he becomes more intelligent and quick-witted. Therefore, real surprises can be used to distract him. As soon as the hysteria begins, you should act.

What to do if your child throws a tantrum? In many cases, it is necessary to simply say out loud what the child is feeling now so that he calms down. There is always some reason for crying. Efforts must be made to ensure that children feel a lack of indifference towards them. If they are unhappy, you need to show compassion.

When a child's hysteria occurs, how to deal with it? An object that is thrown onto can come to the rescue negative emotions. For example, it is permissible to use a pillow, a ball, a children's hammer and a board. The use of these items will contribute to the rapid release of negative emotions.

Actions in case of frequent strikes

If hysterics arise for any reason, you can come up with some kind of ritual that will be funny. After a girl or boy decides to throw a tantrum, you need to turn on the hairdryer, supposedly it will dry the tears. But you need to act with caution, some children are afraid of sounds household appliances. When this is the case, you should choose another, safer method.

How else can you stop a child from hysterics? The reaction can be directed in a humorous direction. If your son has a dissatisfied, capricious face, you should jokingly call him “the face of a monster.” For example, you should say that mom or dad wants to tell you something very important beautiful child, for this you need to calm down, wash yourself. Counting on a good sense of humor, you should be sensitive and attentive to the mood of the crybaby. It is permissible to bring a child out of a state of hysteria when he is already more than 3 years old with the help of comforting remarks.

What can be done? Special medications and vitamins can come to the rescue, eliminating bad mood, sweets. With their help, older children learn to control their own emotions. All children love desserts. Tasty food always improves your mood. Chocolate, marmalade, candies, etc. are often used. At the same time, the baby must remember that if he starts crying hysterically, he will not be offered anything tasty.

In some cases, you can fight a child's hysteria through tight hugs. He should feel warmth, love and care.

Important information

Constant tantrums in a child may indicate a habit he has developed that allows him to achieve his goals. Probably falling to the floor, sobbing, he may hit the walls, various objects. In most cases, children understand that their parents are ready to give in. They will not stop buying him toys and candy. He is allowed not to go to bed on time, etc.

It should be remembered that when a parent makes concessions, he further contributes to the fact that hysteria is negative habit. It is in such situations that it will be possible to wean a child from hysterics if you do not pay attention to his crying. Often, when the desired effect does not occur, the baby is able to try with greater force. How to behave? An adult must remain calm, without saying a single word, without betraying his concern with either glances or gestures, so as not to respond to whims or indulge them.

How to respond to children's tantrums? It is forbidden to make fun of them. Punishments are also not applied. It is important to maintain self-control over your own psycho-emotional state. With his own violent reactions, the child will not have the opportunity to understand how to behave differently. Self-control - good example who you want to imitate.

How to respond to a child's tantrums? After the hysterics are over, there is no need to start talking about it. You can't ask him anything. After the performance ends, behavior should be as if nothing had happened.

How to wean a child from tantrums? There is no need to comment on what happened. The baby will have the opportunity to once again earn the goodwill of his parents. Frequent hysterics can be overcome if you follow this rule. If a child is hysterical for any reason, acting in this way can, over time, reduce the frequency of their occurrence.

It is important that parents act tactfully. How to get a child out of hysterics? It is necessary to initially analyze the reasons for its occurrence, and then move on to action. Only love and care will help cope with the baby.

Undoubtedly, The best way To calm a newborn baby is to feed him. But it is important to understand that crying is the way a child communicates about any of his problems, not just hunger. In the first two weeks, it is impossible to make any mistakes - everything you do is correct. Offer your baby your breast as often as you feel necessary.

Food is not the only way to soothe a newborn.

Starting from the 3rd week, try to calm the baby not only food. If the baby is gaining weight well, if after feeding he falls asleep happy, but wakes up crying half an hour later, he is unlikely to be hungry again. Breastfeeding or bottle feeding for any reason may subsequently cause the baby to:

— Falls asleep only with breast or bottle in mouth.

— Eats little by little all day, and tends to do the same at night, respectively, he wakes up more often.

— Eats little and often, which means it does not reach the fattier and more nutritious “hind” milk, which contributes to the baby’s sleepy state. “Hind milk” also balances carbohydrates (which “foremilk” is rich in), which means it reduces the likelihood of gases and colic, which also has a positive effect on restful sleep.

If very little time has passed since the previous feeding, and the baby is not happy, don't rush to feed again: check the diaper; make sure that the child is neither cold nor hot; remember when he slept - maybe he was awake for more than 2 hours?

Ways to calm a newborn.

Try one of the following ways to calm your child:

1. Rock in a stroller or crib, walk around with your baby in your arms. Newborn babies they still remember the sensations they experienced in the womb when their mother moved. Rocking is familiar to babies and therefore soothing. But you should not rock the baby too intensely. In this case, the vestibular apparatus is stimulated too much, and the brain simply turns off its response to external stimuli. At this moment, the child goes into a stressful sleep, which allows him to protect his delicate nervous system, but does not bring complete rest and recovery, so necessary for the child’s body.

2. Play soothing music for newborns, white noise. Or simply turn on the water in the bath and bring your child closer to the stream of water. Monotonous, quiet, slow sounds are very effective and help quickly calm a newborn.

3. Boo, sing softly

4. Give a light massage with your fingertips, stroke the baby

5. Swaddle- many children at this age feel more comfortable and calm this way. This gives the baby a slight squeezing sensation - the same as they experienced in the stomach and calms the baby before bed. Choose clothes and diapers based on the fact that it is important not to overheat the baby. By the way, some children do not like swaddling from birth. And don't insist.

6. If the baby is older than 6 weeks and there are no problems with lactation, offer your baby a pacifier. Opinions and recommendations regarding the use of pacifiers are constantly changing based on more and more new research. But, in particular, there is an opinion that the pacifier not only satisfies the baby's sucking instinct, but also reduces the risk of sudden infant mortality in the first 6 months.

7. Combine methods. Swaddle your baby, turn on white noise, dim the lights and rock the baby on hands. Several methods together will help calm a newborn baby more effectively than just one.

8. If nothing works, feed again(if the baby made a couple of sucking movements and calmed down, it means that he was not hungry after all, and just calms down with his chest or a bottle)

If nothing helps calm your child

In a situation where within 10 minutes One way to calm a newborn baby doesn't work, try another. If you have “reached the boiling point,” let someone else continue to calm the child - dad or grandmother. If you are home alone and your baby continues to cry, place your baby in the crib and give yourself 2-3 minutes to catch your breath. Remember that the mother’s emotional state is perfectly read by the baby.

Hysteria in a baby is a common occurrence, because there is no other way to pay attention to a problem in a newborn. The child and mother have a very strong emotional connection. A newborn catches not only the native smell of the loved one, but also feels shades of mood, adopts them, this is especially noticeable in those babies whose mothers are breastfeeding. In order for a mother or father to calm a newborn baby during a tantrum, it is necessary to be emotionally stable themselves.

Sometimes you might think that the baby is trying to manipulate his mother, but this is not so. The nature of the crying can determine the cause of anxiety.

Colic

When hysterical, the baby cries very loudly, tucking in her legs and only stopping briefly. This kind of crying is very different from others, so it’s difficult to confuse it. They can help your child:

a warm diaper or soft towel, heated with an iron and folded in several layers. You can use a small heating pad;
A light anti-colic massage of the tummy and hips will also help relax the baby and ease his suffering.

Intestinal colic usually affects children between the ages of a couple of weeks and four months. With older children, you will need to look for the cause of the hysteria elsewhere.

Otitis

If you touch the protruding cartilage from the auricle, the baby will start crying more. He cannot take the breast because it hurts him to perform sucking actions. The little one turns his head and cries because his ears hurt. It is necessary to call a doctor to cure the disease as soon as possible.

Teething

Most tantrums in children at 9 months are related to teething. If the first milk tooth appears in babies between the ages of 4 and 7 months, then strong salivation, plaintive crying and attempts to pull any object into the mouth occur during the active phase, when several teeth are cut at the same time.

You can calm the child at this time with a special teether from the pharmacy, filled with gel or water, which is placed in the refrigerator while the child sleeps. After a few hours you can take it out and give it to the child to chew. It massages the gums, cools inflamed areas and reduces pain. Can also be applied to the gums, which are sold in pharmacies.

Overwork

Hysterics in a baby who rubs his eye may begin as a result of fatigue or a desire to sleep. Such babies do not always fall asleep on their own. If he whines and does not show interest in surrounding events, then rock him, sing a lullaby or tell him a short story.

Weather

During a walk, sharp crying, which periodically subsides, but continues for quite a long time, is a sign that the child is cold. Cold skin on the back or abdomen will help confirm this. Cover the baby with a warm blanket or dress the infant warmly and try to comfort him by carrying him in your arms and warming him with your warmth.

If a baby's hysteria is caused by heat or overheating, then he will whine, and redness and prickly heat will appear on the skin. The child is hot, so we change him into light clothes or take it off in the summer heat.

Full diaper

A baby with a wet diaper may experience crying that waxes and wanes. To eliminate the discomfort that has arisen, the baby needs to be washed and changed into dry clothes.

Hunger

Is your baby screaming and stretching his arms? He is probably hungry and needs to be fed. In this case, the child’s hysterics will stop if he is full.

Boredom or attention deficit

If there are no visible reasons for the hysteria, most likely, you need to communicate with the child. Pick him up, talk about the surrounding objects, amuse him with toys.

Overexcitability and restlessness

If the baby has been screaming for quite a long time and does not react to anything, then to calm him down it is better to go to a secluded place where there are no people, turn off any irritants - lights, TV, music, draw the curtains and close the door. Hold the baby close to you and rock him in time with the rhythm of crying. Start with vigorous actions and gradually switch to quiet, soothing movements.

Many children like it when mom or dad sits on a fitball while swinging - a large ball that gives additional amplitude and softness. You can wash your baby with warm water or go into the fresh air, where there are also no people. You cannot pass the baby from hand to hand, especially to strangers. This will be additional stress for the child.

Uncomfortable position

The whimpering turns into a scream, while the baby tries to change position or roll over? This indicates that he is uncomfortable, a button or fastener, or a fold in the clothing is pressing. You need to help him lie down comfortably and adjust his clothes.

What to do?

There are myths that you need to ignore the tantrums of children, supposedly thereby stopping their attempts to manipulate relatives and raising the child. In fact, this is a big misconception. A newborn's personality has not yet been formed; he needs care, affection and attention. It is important to calm and help the baby, since as a result of a hysterical attack he becomes unsteady. nervous system. First of all, the mother needs to understand what is happening to the baby.

For babies from birth to three months, there are simple techniques that can be used to calm them easily. They still have memories of intrauterine life, so the following helps to calm down such a baby:

swaddling and rocking - they will show the baby how cramped he was in the last phase of pregnancy when he rocked in the womb;
laying on one side is the most comfortable position for the baby inside the mother;
quiet monotonous hissing - sounds that came from the mother’s breathing and the movement of food through the gastrointestinal tract;
Sucking a breast or pacifier is similar to thumb sucking.

From the age of three months, such methods are not enough to calm the baby. During this period, the baby is actively interested in everything that happens in the world around him, gets to know it and happily switches from hysterics to another subject.

If you eliminate the reasons that caused the baby's hysteria, then at an older age you can interest him in a switched-on lamp or a lit lamp, running water from a tap or a toy. Watching her child, a mother can always note for herself what he is actively interested in, which of the things and phenomena he likes more than others.

Experts call tantrums in a one-year-old child a “crisis of the first year of life.” At this time, the baby begins to understand that he and his mother are different individuals, who can sometimes be separated from each other. The desire to explore the world by crawling and quickly “running away”, crawling into forbidden places, hiding, breaking things is not an attempt to do everything to spite the mother, but the curiosity of a baby who shows interest in everything around him.

Excessive guardianship, on the contrary, irritates the child, adult prohibitions cause strong emotions and attempts to do everything yourself - take a spoon or put on a hat, take it off or otherwise express your personality. But since he cannot yet do this in words, emotions overwhelm him and turn into screaming, stomping, rage and falling to the floor.

Parents who try to shout down their baby make the problem worse. You shouldn’t get irritated by this stage of growing up, yell at your child, or even spank him. Before calming down, showing firmness, find out the cause of the hysteria.

Why do babies cry? Every mother who has listened to the signals of a newborn understands that crying does not happen for nothing. He is motivated, and children are not initially capricious. They are trying to reach us, but whether we understand them or not, that is the question. This is why it is unacceptable for us to give a crying child a pacifier. This will block his reasonable face! How then should we understand it? As a rule, we do not engage in distractions. After all, he needs to be distracted from some urgent need or need, and isn’t it easier to just satisfy it. Children do not want a “star from heaven”; what they want is what they really need for life and growth. And the vocabulary of these “needs” is actually very simple.

Method number 1. Give breast on demand

When a baby is hungry, he makes it clear easily and easily. He either begins to suck his fist or makes searching (slightly grunting) movements with his nose, as if hoping to stumble upon his mother’s nipple. At the same time, he may sigh hysterically and mumble something, saying “a-ha, a-ha, a-ha.” Of course I give him the breast, he eats and calms down. And not always only when he is hungry, sometimes when he is tired, upset or anxious. Because, in addition to food, the breast gives powerful calm, not only, by the way, to the baby, but also to me, which is not unimportant if I am nervous.

When my children suck for a long time, their heart begins to beat more calmly, their breathing slows down, their body relaxes, and not only pleasure but also deep relaxation appears on their face. In some books you will find advice such as “do not teach your baby to hang on your chest for 40 minutes, he has eaten and that’s enough, take out the breast, give him a pacifier” (see Dr. Komarovsky). Of course, all markers are different in taste and color. I decided that my kids would not eat a pacifier, and not only because “this is the right path to a rubber woman,” but also because I don’t mind giving them breasts. A baby focused on the nipple outwardly “goes dumb”, he is in an autistic state (I’m talking about a condition, not a disease), he is not here. Focused on the chest, the baby completely dissolves in communication with his mother. For mom, this can be difficult (then the method will not work), or it can be easy and joyful: this is a pause in the middle and end of the day, relaxation, time when she restores subtle connection with the baby and even time to read for pleasure, oddly enough (“He was so pleased, but it didn’t cost me anything”). I read so many wonderful books about babies and children while I was breastfeeding. Reading fiction seemed somehow impolite to me. But reading about children was just that. This is how you become well prepared in matters of natural and conscious parenting (these are two slightly different traditions of parenting, which have developed in contrast to the “norm” built on routines). But in general, if everything is fine with breastfeeding, then there is no more free way to calm a child in the world. After all, there is a big difference in walking and rocking and in sitting comfortably or lying down and feeding. My eldest daughter did not need rocking at all, but could hang on her chest indefinitely. What a freebie it was! With some skill, you can learn to breastfeed during the day without looking up from your own food, and at night - almost without waking up and without experiencing any difficulties. And the child will receive plenty of maternal love.

Method number 2. plant

If you have never planted a baby, you will be surprised how much anxiety in babies during the first three months is caused by “toilet” matters. During this period, their “things” are often not rhythmic. The baby may not pee for 2 hours while walking in a sling, but when you come home you will get five peees in half an hour. He may not poop for several nights in a row, and then give you a “fun” night of pooping and “preparation” before it. He can poop twice a day, maybe six, or maybe ten, and it’s exciting to prepare for it every time. Babies may become anxious and even cry very intensely before peeing and try to tell you to help them. After peeing, they may cry if they were not understood. Before pooping, they may become quiet, freeze and be especially concentrated, or they may cry, trying to tell you to unwaddle, undress, and take them out.

The disembarking mother, who responds to this concern with actions, reduces the need for crying; instead of sobbing, the child grunts, the mother understands him and he does his business. It is important that the mother sees what motivates each specific cry: she does not try to call the doctor and does not consider the child capricious, she does not try to swaddle him or distract him. It is useless to distract the attention of a person who wants to go to the toilet. You can, of course, talk to him if you take him out of the sling or run to the nearest bushes (in summer) or to the house (in winter). Children (even newborns) somehow understand their mother’s message “we’ll be there soon” and tolerate it. But ultimately, he should not be calmed down, but disembarked. If, by the way, the child bursts into tears because he was not understood about the toilet, then there is no use in dropping him off. You need to calm him down in another way (give him the breast) and wait until he relaxes. It is important that in this case we do not rock the child to sleep (this confuses the instinct), but let him satisfy the need. I don’t know what you will do with a disposable diaper in this case; apparently, you will form a stable reflex of ignoring your bodily impulses (pee under yourself, don’t cry). The children will be worried at first, but then they will get used to it, of course. You just won't know when he's worried about the toilet and when for another reason.

Method No. 3. Take in your arms (carry in your arms, give body to body contact)

"Nine months in the mother, nine months on the mother." This postulate of natural parenting is built on the baby’s need “not to be alone.” There are many reasons for this, but I physiologically feel the desire not to tear my child away from his body ahead of time. For him and me, it is extremely organic to feel each other’s breathing and heartbeat, to constantly touch and be in an uninterrupted connection.

Of course, we are talking about wearing “on demand”. Sometimes a baby cries just because got lost, lost in a space too large for him, surrounded, lost his mother. Mother should be nearby from the point of view of his survival, this is justified. Of course, “mom” can be another caring family member - grandmother or father. You can change the handles, the question is that they are family and friends. And so that they always exist. Dolnik in “The Naughty Child of the Noosphere” has a wonderful story about this, which I always remember when it’s difficult for me, if the baby “watches” my presence every minute, “does not let me go” even to go to the toilet or take a shower (as a result, everything you quickly learn to do this without letting go of the baby, and this also promotes contact and synchronization). Imagine that two mothers and babies are walking through a primeval forest. They put their babies on the ground and went into the bushes to “do business.” One of the kids screamed immediately, the other half an hour later. What do you think, asks the malicious Dolnik, which of them left its mark on evolution? After this simple question, the answer to which is obvious (in the primeval forest, someone who lay silently on the ground for half an hour was eaten in the same half hour), I immediately feel better. We, Dolnik concludes, are the descendants of those people who screamed right away. I look at my child and laugh: “You will definitely leave your mark on evolution.” Roughly speaking, the faster a child screams when he has lost his mother, the greater his impulse towards life (survival). Of course, over time, he learns to be calm in a safe, familiar environment (for example, on his “rug”, at home). But it takes time to even get used to this environment. Just about 3-6 months, and until that time the safe environment for him is his mother.

Method number 4. Carry in a sling

It happens that strangers who see me with a baby in a sling on the street say: “Your baby probably never cries.” Unfortunately, sometimes she cries. But the habit of wearing a sling from the first days (I use a sling from 9-10 days after giving birth, when I actively begin “household” life at home and walks, before that I get by with carrying it in my arms) leads to the fact that the sling sometimes becomes an independent way of calming down. not reducible to mother's hands.

Hands are beautiful, but firstly, they get tired, and secondly, the mother often needs them free, especially when she has another small (albeit older) child. The sling swaddles the baby, creating a familiar “cocoon” of safety. As a result crying baby sometimes it calms down already in the process of winding the sling. This happens in those cases when I managed to feel it during (one step before the disorder) tiredness and desire to sleep. If she missed the right moment of optimal load and was driven to hysterics due to hyperexcitation, excess impressions or fatigue, then it will be difficult to wind up, but immediately after winding, the mother’s active rhythmic movements or a rhythmic walk will quickly calm the baby. Up to three months, the baby will mostly sleep in a sling; later he learns to stare and stay awake from there. Still, from the point of view of “freebie”, the sling is in second place, second only to soothing on the chest. After all, unlike motion sickness, it leaves your hands free and allows you to do other things at the same time. For example, playing with an older child, walking with him, shopping or doing housework, and even (sitting on a fitball) working at the computer. Carrying in a sling also good remedy calm the baby during the period of colic, as he “relieves” excess tension in the child’s abdomen through “body to body” contact. During acute colic, breastfeeding may not work and a sling really saves the situation.

Method No. 5. Take a bath or shower

We actively use water to relieve stress. And we passively use water to relieve tension. For example, if at 6 or 7 in the morning in winter in Moscow the baby got me up to do his big “business”, and after that he gets worried and doesn’t fall asleep: he spins around and neither here nor there and his chest doesn’t calm him down and it’s just not normal to stay awake maybe, but I want to sleep (for the life of me), then I take him in my arms and quietly crawl into the hot bath. I light a candle or a small lamp in it, draw some nice water and lie in it with the baby (he is on my stomach or on my back, his legs are partially lowered into the water). I'm dozing. I wait until he knocks with his arms and legs in half an hour, finishes big or small things (I drain the water, of course, if “big ones” happen) and crawl into bed, where I give out my breasts. After this, I am provided with another 1-2 hours of deep sleep. If the baby did the same thing in the warm morning spring day at sea, I have breakfast (even at 6 in the morning) and go for a walk with him so that in the evening I can go to bed early and synchronize our rhythms. That is, it’s about my comfort, which I will pass on to the baby in any case.

If I don’t want to sleep myself and am ready to exercise physically, and the baby is nervous, then I don’t get into the bath with him, but simply fill it with comfortable water (30-36 degrees) and bathe him with procedures like “bathing a baby in a large bathtub” . This gives him distraction and exercise, followed by sound sleep. In this case, the baby rarely poops in the water, so you can not drain the water for several hours, but simply top it up with hot water and bathe him again if his nervousness returns. Cry - if feeding and disembarkation does not go well - go to the bath - rest - go to the bath, etc. This is for long winter Moscow days, when walking does not take up the central part of the day.

Method number 6. Rock the baby (“Help me sleep!”)

We specifically do not write about this method as the first one, because motion sickness is not logical to use if the child is hungry, wants to pee or poop, and even in every case if he is “lost” and wants to be in his mother’s arms. This is what needs to be done if other needs are “not visible”, and the child is nervous and clearly does not want to be actively and calmly awake, therefore tired. The result of motion sickness is usually sleep. We didn’t have to rock our daughter to sleep at all, but babies are different and we had to practice with our son. There are so many wonderful ways to get motion sickness that we want to dedicate a separate post to them. We can simply list them here. The most efficient thing is simple rock in your arms or on a fitball.

The ball is wonderful, it is especially good for those who rock not every day, but from time to time, for example, for grandparents. Rocking on a ball does not require any special sensitivity for the baby, it simply “takes with rhythm”. I prefer (if possible, if the baby accepted it) rock on a hammock, because it relieves the back.

Husband (Sasha) when he gets motion sickness, dancing. He takes dynamic music (like "7-40") and does not hesitate to play it loudly, after which he jumps with all his heart. The baby falls asleep by the end of the 2nd or 3rd song. He holds the baby vertically “in a frog” like a sling. Most often I dance in a sling, because after this method it is not always possible to put the baby down so that he can sleep easier and leave him to sleep in the sling. It is obvious to us that an adult rocking a baby, first of all, rocks himself; he transfers himself into an altered (by rhythm) state of consciousness, in which, due to his body (breathing, relaxation, disconnecting consciousness from everyday problems), he “turns off” or relaxes the baby. If mom has enough physical activity or there is the possibility of long walks, and if she spends a lot of time in the fresh air, the baby usually does not need motion sickness. We believe that motion sickness is more “in demand” for children born in cities during the autumn-winter period.

Motion sickness too driving in a car. You need to choose routes with monotonous driving, preferably without traffic jams (otherwise you can end up in a very unpleasant situation with an irritated baby when he will not be able to sleep). You need to get used to taking the baby out of the car. Most often, mothers carry the baby along with the chair. I can’t do this (and our cradle in the car is too heavy for this), I take the baby out of the chair and carry it in my arms. To do this, you need to take into account the phases of sleep. It can be carried out during the deep sleep phase, when breathing is deep and the body is relaxed. If you try to transfer it to the REM sleep phase (the dreaming phase, when the body twitches, the baby moves and squeaks), then he will wake up. Therefore, if I get to a place in the REM sleep phase, I still drive around for a while, waiting until I fall asleep soundly. Sleep phases alternate approximately every 45 minutes. That is, once every 45 minutes of deep sleep, a short-duration (7-10 minutes) REM sleep phase occurs. If you “rock” during the REM sleep phase, you can calmly rest during the next phase of deep sleep (without rocking). The same applies to sleeping in a sling. It is during the deep sleep phase that you can cook soup, watch a movie or work on the computer; in between it is better to pump up your energy. All this applies to a greater extent to the grown-up baby, since in the first three months babies already sleep most of the day; it is not necessary to “protect” their daytime sleep. It is also important that in some of these dreams the mother chooses the time to rest herself, otherwise she will be exhausted by the end of the day.

Method No. 7. Calm mom down

The limitation of the hand-carrying method is that the hands convey the calmness of a calm mother and the nervousness of a nervous or angry one. This is not a reason, if the mother is upset, tired or angry, to deprive the baby of physical contact. Then he will be even more lost, because he will still feel his mother’s discomfort and the alarming situation.

But this is a reason to shift attention from the baby’s excitement to what is happening with the mother. My husband and I noticed interesting fact. Sometimes, if I cannot calm the child down (of course, not at the moment of a sharp cry, but at a moment of prolonged and tiring nervousness), then it helps the child if my husband massages my legs (the baby lies either on me or next to me). The meaning is simple: you can relax the mother and the baby will automatically relax. Regularly send mom to the bathhouse or swimming pool, for example (I do this with kids). Provide mom with relaxation in any acceptable form. We use the Reiki method (for mom) if we feel that the “degree of nervousness” in the house is going through the roof. This allows not only to reduce the anxiety of children, but also to save them from unwanted diseases during infancy.

Method No. 8. Warm or ventilate the baby

Here we are talking about the optimal temperature regime and its regulation. The baby will worry and even cry if he is cold or hot. This is not a reason to keep a constant thermostat around him with a constant +26 degrees. This will lead to low adaptability. We try to let the baby try different things in the first months of life. Colder - warmer - at home with clothes - at home without clothes - outside in different weather in a sling, in your arms or in a stroller, etc. So that he can breathe cold and warm air. We give it a try and see what happens. For example, the skin of our babies clearly reacts to overheating. Even at +24 degrees at home, it can give prickly heat if the child is dressed and sweats in his clothes. The skin reacts before they start crying. Therefore, we react to overheating by skin rather than by crying. On the contrary, sometimes a child may cry when he is cold and “asks” to be wrapped up. One of our friends told me that her newborn daughter: “She cries after a bath, enjoys swimming, and then, when we unwrap the towel to dry, she starts crying, she’s cold. We immediately warm her arms and legs, and her chest calms down, but there’s no other reason besides being cold.” there seems to be no crying." For us, the solution is obvious - why unwrap such a child from a towel? Wrapped it on the chest, the towel itself will dry inside. If this girl doesn’t like contrasts, why give them to her? Some babies rub themselves with pleasure, but pleasure comes first here.

Method number 9. Talk to the baby

From the first day, I noticed that Nikita calms down better if I talk to him, looking him straight in the eyes. Much better than, for example, motion sickness. "What are you talking to him about?" - friends and family asked me. “Of course, about past lives,” I said, “I ask him to remember more.”

Well, you can and should talk about everything with newborns, explain to them what is happening. To say that they are in their home, among their family. Tell me about this family. It is not necessary to lisp, but speak directly, looking into the eyes. Not in the “radio that broadcasts by itself” mode, but in the contact mode. They understand, and it is useful for us to learn to treat them as human beings. And they even believe us and calm down.

Method No. 10. Apply dynamic gymnastics, massage or other bodywork practice

Let’s say right away that we did not use dynamic gymnastics (authored by Leonid Kitaev) in a technical and comprehensive manner, since it requires great physical strength from the mother or is entirely entrusted to the father. But in saying this, we are of course disingenuous, because in the terminology of Leonid Kitaev, any moving practice for contact with a child, in the range of movements acceptable for a parent, is a kind of dynamic gymnastics.

I didn’t at all want to somehow twist, hang and throw my babies in the newborn period and the period up to 3 months, maybe because they did not suffer from increased tone or colic (which is very well removed by such practices). But my little son grew to 3.5 months and 7 kg and became so strong and strong baby, that I felt that his need for movement was greater than his own abilities in movement and coordination. How does this manifest itself? He cannot lie on his back for a long time (it’s boring), he rolls over, and he also cannot crawl yet, and this makes him nervous, making jumping, swaying movements with his whole body, as if he wants, but cannot, crawl forward. As a result, he cannot lie down at all: he “worked” for 10-15 minutes, “plowed”, as they say, and again went to his mother. Of course, 3.5 months is normally too early for crawling. But this particular baby, smart and very active, although lacking tone, clearly shows that he wants more. Well, son, then let's fly. At the same time, mom will pump up her triceps and biceps...

Method No. 11. Adjust the environment

And, of course, we leave the most important thing for dessert. In addition to operational needs, there is an emotional (and eventual) background. Here, of course, we can simply say something about the habitat. Sometimes, if a child cries, it is enough to simply turn the music on (if she never plays in the house) or turn it off (if she always plays in it). But in general, we are talking here more about the favorable or unfavorable environment in the house, events in the life of the parents and especially the mother. And often the baby is the most sensitive creature in the family, since he still cannot lie (even to himself). And then he signals that there is trouble from which he (or his mother) needs to be pulled out. For example, sometimes I conduct psychological consultations while my child is in my arms (in a sling). And I notice that the baby begins to “swear” and “get nervous” if something goes wrong with the consultation. Roughly speaking, when a client (partner) lies. Baby is the perfect lie detector. He does not tolerate turbidity in situations and relationships. As soon as the consultation goes through the “muddy” topic and catharsis sets in, the baby calms down and usually falls asleep. There are different ways to judge whether babies belong at work as mothers. We will write about this separately someday, and probably quite soon. But I (Lena Pavlova) have to work with my children - filming, editing, teaching, consulting, making payments, writing posts or reports. And I'm used to trusting them. If they are nervous and their immediate needs are being met, I look to the environment for the cause. They are sensitive to conflicts in the house and will be worried “before” adults start scandals, as well as “after” the conflict seems to be settled, and adults walk around irritated. And also on the eve of dad’s bonus at work or before the car breaks down. There is no need to think that you can do whatever you want in front of the baby, that he is small and does not understand yet. He understands the deep non-verbal aspect, perhaps more accurately than adults. If you went to visit a family where they treat you with hostility, do not be surprised that when you return home you find your baby covered in a rash, for example. This understanding of favorable and unfavorable places is especially clearly visible in travel, we wrote about this. And, if you trust your child as a partner and clear out the dirt around you, then, ultimately, you yourself will become healthier and maintain sensitivity to the child. After all, the baby’s capabilities are abundant and what is used is preserved. His intuition will be useful to him in life; there are many areas of application for it in different specialties.

Method No. 12. Adjust rhythms and routines

As you understand, we, like other natural parents, live in a regime on demand. If he wants breasts, he gets them. If he wants to pee or poop, he is taken out. If he wants to sleep, we put him to bed. If he wants to “go for a walk,” we let him stay awake, but we don’t entertain him if it happens at night (kick your feet as much as you want, I’ll sleep next to you) and we keep him company if it happens during the day. Gradually some rhythms appear, quite flexible. By three months, some natural analogue of the regime is formed. We know how many times a day our baby prefers to eat, poop, and sleep. In order for this rhythm to appear, the baby and I have done a lot of work towards each other during this time. He signaled to us with all his might, and when they didn’t understand him, he cried. And we listened. In a soft or hard form, it is already sensitive or busy. If we tried to understand, then he tried to strengthen his signals. It is important that the sooner our reaction to the first “requests” occurred, the less he needed to cry. Optimal act one step before he cries and then he didn’t have to get used to crying in order to get through to us. Don't be upset if he did cry. Kids differ in their level of demands, and perhaps yours is one of the more demanding ones. If you listen to him, you can turn his intuition into something that will be very useful to him later, will be useful in life, and will give the application of his subtlety and sensitivity.

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