Psychology of life +
Psychology textbooks often describe such an experiment conducted by Charles Darwin’s brother, Francis Galton. Every day for a week he went to the mirror and said to himself: “I am a terrible, disgusting person who is hated by all of England.” Seven days later, he decided to go outside and discovered a strange thing. At first people avoided him. Then people began to push him, and then, on top of everything else, a horse kicked him. Francis fell. Several people ran up...to the horse. Nobody even paid attention to Galton.
This story proves another simple thing - what we think about ourselves is very quickly read by others. This is an undeniable truth.
In the modern world, self-confidence is needed like air. We communicate a lot with people, we make transactions, we are forced to negotiate in almost every area of our lives. In order to get what we want, we just need to be confident in ourselves.
Of course, no one will argue that confidence depends on our victories. The more victories we have on different fronts, the more confident we are. In fact, you can truly increase your self-esteem in only one way - to choose “native” goals that are important to you and achieve them. As soon as the brain feels that it is getting what it “orders”, your level of self-esteem will immediately jump.
However, there are many different tricks on the verbal and non-verbal levels that will help you appear confident.
Body language in the service of confidence
Confidence starts with body language. How to come across as a confident person? Very simple.
First, you need to make proper eye contact. We subconsciously do not trust people who constantly look away. The body reads this signal as if the person is hiding something. At the same time, constantly looking into the eyes is also not particularly good, because people under the gaze may feel out of place. Optimal eye contact lasts 70% of a conversation with a person.
Second, adopt open and friendly postures.. You should not create barriers between you and the person. And, of course, you shouldn’t be constantly distracted by gadgets.
Thirdly, don't fuss. Nowhere in the world, and especially in Russia, do they like fussy people. Fussy people automatically appear insecure. If you feel some fussiness brewing inside you before an important meeting, take four deep breaths in one minute.
Well Fourth, control your hands. Self-doubt is often revealed by hands. Excessive gestures and/or the desire to constantly fiddle with something in your hands do not inspire confidence in people.
How to appear confident when communicating with people?
Now let's turn to verbal methods.
Become an active listener. Try to really listen to the person and be included in the listening process. The key to any person's heart is the ability to listen to him. Head nods alone are not enough. Emotional involvement is required.
Use open-ended questions. Open questions are those that require a more detailed answer than just “yes” or “no.” It is better not to ask questions that can be answered in one word. For example: “Was the meeting successful?” The question: “Tell me how the meeting went” is much more conducive to communication.
Remember that you have your rights. For example, you have the right to your own opinion, the right to your personal space and time. Express your position without fear and calmly. Remember that you can't please everyone.
Show respect for your interlocutor. If you promised to talk to a person, then try to make sure that no one distracts you during this conversation. Do not try to “coach” or teach life to your interlocutors.
Don't talk about "taboo" topics. Typically, such topics include religion, sex, and financial issues that involve you counting money in someone else's pocket. It is best to discuss some current trends, the weather, the latest movies you watched and other topics that cannot offend anyone.
Techniques to increase self-esteem
It’s clear with relationships with people. But there are a few more techniques that will always allow you to value yourself:
-Write a press release for yourself that will announce your great achievement. Write when this will happen and how it will happen. Always keep this press release in front of your eyes and be charged with positivity and self-confidence.
-Write down five of your successes over the past five years. Remember your most important real achievements. Praise yourself for this and focus on your strengths rather than your weaknesses.
-Keep a diary of a self-confident person. Keep a notebook in which you track your states. Write down how you feel when you are criticized or praised. Write how you feel when you cope with this or that task. This way you will soon understand what truly motivates you.
And, of course, you must always remember that self-confidence needs constant training. It is not enough to just stand in front of the mirror and repeat some affirmation. You need to act, achieve your goals, conquer new heights, and then you won’t need to think about how to raise your self-esteem.
Based on materials from the book “Self-Confidence” by Alice Muir. A book for working on yourself"
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