Women's magazine Superstyle: "Italian" family. Noise, din, commotion. Italians love children, but prefer strangers

Can we say that children and parents are the same, no matter what country they live in? It’s unlikely, otherwise adults in all countries would be the same, regardless of nationality and country of residence. The atmosphere in which a child grows up greatly affects his personality and shapes his character.

First impression

It is enough to come to Italy for a week to see how they love, literally adore and idolize children here. But what is hidden behind this immense love? Is it so good to forgive a child everything, explaining his misdeeds with the universal excuse “Well, he’s still small”? This and much more is in the story about the Italian point of view on raising children.

I want to say right away that I do not have the goal of comparing Italian characteristics of attitudes towards children with Russian ones and, in particular, with Samara ones. They have it this way, we have it that way, and there will probably be a lot in common. Moreover, I haven’t lived in Samara for three years now and many things about modern education I just do not know.

I'll start with what you can notice immediately upon arriving in Italy. Children are loved, and not only by their parents, uncles, aunts and grandparents, but in general by everyone they meet, from the bartender to the newspaper seller. All children are guaranteed attention. A passerby can smile at the child, pat him on the cheeks, and say something to him.

Sometimes no one turns to the parent, it’s as if he doesn’t exist. By the way (don’t let the comparison offend you), the same attitude applies to animals. For Italians, both kids and dogs are a reason once again be touched and smile.

Italian popes

The second point that catches your eye is the Italian popes. If you go out to the playground in the evening, you will see mostly dads there, not moms, and all of them will be actively rushing with their children from swing to slide, from slide to swing.

If you go to the pool or the beach, in most cases dad will play and fuss with the baby while mom reclines on a sun lounger with a glossy magazine in her hands. You shouldn’t think that raising children is entrusted to dads: no, the responsibilities are simply divided in half, and if the mother spends time with the child at home, cooks him food and plays with him in the garden, then the dad will obviously take care of the baby outside the home, and will do this with great pleasure. No matter what shortcomings are attributed to the Italians, their fathers are magnificent!

An Italian dad will never say, “Raising children is a woman’s job.” On the contrary, he strives to take an active role in the upbringing of his child. Especially if it is a female child! In Italy they say: a girl is born - daddy's joy. Dads adore their babies to the point of madness, while Italian boys, on the contrary, are attached to their mother almost until old age.

An Italian macho of about 40 years old who lives with his mother, allows her to cook his own food, wash and iron - a completely standard picture, which is impossible to surprise in Italy. Such men are called “mammon”.

Parents' age

It is impossible not to note the age of the parents. 34% of Italian women give birth to their first child after 35 years, 6% after 40 years. The average age of first pregnancy is constantly increasing: in 2000 it was 25 years old, now it is 32 years old. This is one of the highest figures in Europe! Only foreigners or girls who accidentally become pregnant give birth early in Italy; meeting a family of young people 20-25 years old with a baby is quite difficult.

By the way, the situation of single mothers has changed a lot. Previously, such a situation was perceived as scandalous, such mothers were condemned, and the negativity extended to their children. Now they are helped in special centers for single mothers, no one looks askance at them. In the vast majority of cases, single mothers are young girls under 19 who accidentally become pregnant. Finding a woman who decided to give birth “for herself” at the age of 25-35 is quite difficult.

In addition, there is a tendency to give birth to a child in civil marriage and arrange magnificent wedding when the baby is already grown up.

This can be explained not only by the feelings and desires of the partners, but also by economic factors: a wedding in Italy is an important and expensive matter, and you can’t get away with a modest party. Therefore, a couple often gets married only when the financial opportunity arises to throw a luxurious holiday.

Number of children in the family

Italian families have few children. Usually mom and dad limit themselves to one, sometimes to two, but this is almost a rare occurrence. That is why all the enormous parental love falls in a flurry on one baby, who, from the cradle, feels like the center of the universe in any place where he appears.

Traditions

It is customary to take children with you everywhere - to weddings, concerts, parties, dinners and aperitifs. From the very cradle Italian child leads an active social life. Newborn babies almost immediately begin to be walked and carried with them - Italian mothers and fathers do not experience any special fears, except, perhaps, the fear of infecting the baby with something. Belief in the evil eye and the desire to protect the baby from strangers is alive only in small southern towns or among the numerous foreigners who have settled in Italy.

By the way, despite this active life with the participation of children, slings that are so popular in Russia and are convenient for walking, did not take root here. In three years in Italy, I saw only three children in slings, and all of them were children of tourists. Perhaps Italian women use a sling at home, but they rarely go outside with it, giving a clear preference to classic strollers and backpacks.

Fears

Italians are very scared by stories of missing children, so it is extremely rare to see small children running around unattended. Most often, kids walk near their own house, fenced in by a fence, in the garden. It is not difficult to find families where the child is 10-13 years old, but he does not go out alone (not to mention children even younger).

By the way, many foreign women let their children go out alone at the age of 6-7: for a true Italian mother this is something abnormal and even wild. Also, children are always picked up from school by their parents, or taken home by a school bus. According to statistics, 60% of Italian children spend free time at home, watching TV, playing, reading. This is also noticeable on the streets: there are many small children with their parents, there are also plenty of teenagers of about 15 years old, but children 7-13 years old are not particularly visible.

Features of education

In Italy, it is customary to address people as “you,” including to elders and teachers. This is not considered rudeness; moreover, it persists in adult life: you in Italy are addressed either to people who are much older, or to someone you are addressing for the first time (although many people immediately switch to “you” if they are addressing a peer or a slightly older person).

Italian children are rarely told not to do something, so they often talk rudely to their parents, grandparents and teachers at school. For example, the answer “Leave me alone,” “You’re stupid,” “Shut up” from a 7-10 year old child to an older relative is quite common and is not even punishable.

Children in Italy generally do not have a “child-adult” barrier; they are not shy about “uncles” and “aunts”; they can approach a woman reading a book on the playground and tell her “Go away, this is a place for children!”

If you start to analyze this behavior, you can connect it with the blind adoration of the “bambino” in the family, and with the fact that at school children can calmly walk around the classroom during the lesson, and not sit from bell to bell, with an atmosphere of freedom and the permissiveness in which they grow up.

Statistical studies also confirm the bad manners of Italian children. 66% of European hotels noted that children from Italy are the most capricious, noisy and loud. What causes the most problems for those around them is that such “bambini” scream very loudly, squeal and constantly swear, using strong words. Little Italians love to run screaming along the corridors, make noise during breakfast, ride back and forth in the elevator and break everything they find in the hotel room. From the parents’ point of view, everything is going according to plan, because the child is “expressing himself.”

In Italy, rarely anyone dares to reprimand even the noisiest child, so mothers and fathers outside of Italy do not understand the negative reaction to the screams of Italians and are indignant. “How can you shut up a CHILD?? How is it possible? Most of all, parents are afraid that if a child is intimidated from childhood with punishments and constantly silenced, he will grow up quiet, notorious and downtrodden.

Moreover, raising your voice at your son or daughter is by default considered something bad and wrong, especially in a public place. People will look askance and judge, so we smile and wave while the bambino screeches and runs in circles around the supermarket.

It cannot be said that many establishments have children's corners, but the child will always be accommodated with maximum convenience. Again, children's menus are not the most common thing, so children often eat completely adult food and drink coffee from almost two years old (not every day, of course).

It is customary to address people as “you”, including to elders and teachers. This is not considered rudeness; moreover, it persists into adulthood: in Italy you address either people who are much older, or someone you are addressing for the first time (although many immediately switch to “you” if they are addressing someone of the same age or a slightly older person).

And finally

Well, I would like to finish by debunking one of the main myths about children in Italy. “There are no orphanages in Italy!” – how often can you hear or read such a phrase. Yes, in fact this is true, since 2006 all orphanages have been closed. But this does not mean that there are no orphans here, or that no one is taking care of them.

The so-called “casa-familia” are engaged in raising children left without parents. As a rule, in such an institution there are figures of “mother” and “father”; family and brotherly relationships are established between all children; adults and children live like one big family.

The motto of their work: “Give a family to those who do not have one!” In such houses live not only children abandoned in the maternity hospital, but also teenagers whose parents are unable to fulfill their responsibilities towards them. The Casa Famiglia is rarely large - on average there can be 12 children there at the same time.

In Italy, all roads lead to Rome. This statement is quite widely known. And it is absolutely true, because how is it possible to be in Italy and not visit Rome? As a rule, one day is not enough to “explore” the capital. What a day, life is not enough to look into all corners of this eternal city! But you can look into the family relationships of an Italian family.

Italians are very loving and passionate. And you can’t argue with that. Even if a person is already well over 60, he is still ready for long and serious relationship. In addition, in Italy, almost all television and radio programs are simply “obsessed” with sexual topics.

For Italians, the family consists primarily of the husband, who is the head of the family and who is confident that he makes all the most important decisions in the house. Secondly, from the wife, who actually bears the entire burden of responsibility on herself.

If there are children in an Italian family, then the boys are spoiled beyond belief, and they remain tightly attached to their mothers all their lives, even at a fairly advanced age. Girls, on the contrary, are not pampered at all, because they are considered the future keepers of the hearth, and must always soberly assess the situation.

A man will idolize his mother all his life, and even if he is a married man, he will still often go to his parents’ house to have lunch or bring his dirty shirts. Italians take everything related to family very seriously.

The process of a man courting a woman can take quite a long time, or a sudden feeling can flare up and a wedding is planned in a matter of days. Italian men are very romantic and passionate.

In order to win a woman, they are capable of the most reckless acts. The entire courtship process takes place over very beautiful walks, candlelit dinners, and joint trips out of town to picturesque places in Italy.

Meeting the parents of both young people takes place in a very friendly and warm atmosphere. True, there is one nuance: the influence of Italian mothers on their daughters or boys is very great, so the main thing is to attract and please the mother and then consider that the main job is done.

Italians are modern by nature, but in a number of small towns and villages old traditions have been preserved, which are treated with great respect even by those who left their native nest and moved to big cities.

However, all the same, meetings and acquaintances of parents of young people are noisy, with copious conversations and the absorption of national Italian dishes. The rapprochement of both parties occurs very quickly if the parents of both young people feel sympathy for each other at first sight.

Italians are generally famous for their strong families and precisely a close-knit attitude towards the family. Moreover, family for them is not only their closest relatives, but also everyone who is connected to them by at least some kind of family ties.

On holidays or weekends, Italy gathers in full force to celebrate family event or National holiday, and sometimes visits to relatives begin, which can drag on for some time.

Family ties are so important that it even happens that you come across a large family business in which all relatives are involved who have an understanding of the business and know how to conduct business correctly. It also happens that one family member, having got a prestigious job, tries to drag as many of his relatives there as possible.

In Italian families, it is customary to jointly solve all problems or make decisions regarding weddings, celebrations or the birth of a child. This happens at a general family council, which usually meets with one of the relatives, where sometimes up to three dozen people gather at the common negotiating table.

At the family council, all the most important issues can be discussed and global issues can be resolved. family problems, quarrels are frequent, accompanied by loud screams and all kinds of outpourings of emotions.

However, the most important thing is that everything that happens in the house will always remain only within its walls and will never go beyond the family. Relatives will never wash dirty linen in public; no outsider, not even the closest friends, will know what happened behind the walls of the house during a meeting of the whole family.

The seriousness of their attitude towards family is even expressed in the fact that Italians always carry with them photographs of their family and their children, both men and women, so that at any time they can boast to their colleagues of their successes, their strong and friendly family and the success of their charming children.

Every time children achieve anything, it becomes a major discussion between parents and workmates. Sons in an Italian family grow up as spoiled children, they are spoiled by everyone, including parents and grandparents, older brothers and sisters.

Boys grow up with the awareness that they have a very high importance in the family. However, in fact, the wise and cunning women of Italy only support this confidence in them, calmly running the household behind his back as they see fit.

For a man, the most important task is to make his beloved woman happy. He does everything possible so that the family does not need anything and the woman is not constantly burdened with her household chores.

At any opportunity, spouses always go out of town or spend a pleasant evening in a restaurant or cafe, and such outings are not always planned in advance. This is the whole impulsive nature of Italians, especially men, who do everything possible to please their family and have a pleasant time with them.

For an Italian man, a woman is an object of worship for her beauty, her ability to manage a household and gratitude for the birth of children. A man will be happy to help his wife with household chores, although there is no distribution of responsibilities in families.

A woman remains the keeper of the hearth; she creates the atmosphere in the house that can preserve the warmth of love and intimacy between two people living under the same roof.

For Italians, children are the real flowers of life, whom all relatives begin to pamper. However, parents raise their children to respect national traditions, instill in them a love of family and family relationships, and also teach them that a man and a woman should treat each other with respect.

A man should under no circumstances put himself above a woman and humiliate her dignity, therefore the main thing for a man is that his beloved woman and children are happy.

In Italy, gossip is the main entertainment. That's what's true, that's true. Men especially love to gossip. Most likely, the whole point is that Italians are very sociable people. It costs them nothing to talk to a complete stranger, on any topic. What can we say about gossip, especially if there is someone to scratch your tongue with.

Italians don't know how to swear. Who said? They swear, and how! Italians are a very hot-tempered people, but a real scandal can only break out within their own home or on a TV show.

In Italy everyone follows fashion. This is debatable. Basically, everyone there wears what he likes and what he (she) is comfortable in. Moreover, requests practically do not depend on finances. They can afford to buy something both in a prestigious boutique and in a simple clothing market.

The people in this country are careless and lazy. There are careless and lazy people everywhere. But still, in Italy, even if they do something for too long, they try to create temporary conditions that help to endure the inconvenience. For example, a gap in a central street can interfere with normal pedestrian traffic. In this case, the Italians make special bridges over the pit for pedestrians and fences so as not to fall into this very pit. When the workday ends, the street is washed and temporary asphalt is laid. And after all the work is completed, the street is tiled again.

Italian homes vary. In the Alps - an Alpine-type house, two or three storeys, with a stone bottom and a wooden top, with an external staircase to the upper floor (later the stairs became internal). In other areas, the house of the Italic or Latin type predominates. These are two-story stone buildings with a tiled roof. An external staircase leads to the upper floor. Previously, utility rooms were located on the ground floor, but now they are located separately. Small towns are characterized by a heap layout, where houses are crowded around a central square. Of course, social contrasts affect the appearance of a home.

The Italian national costume is distinguished by its brightness and diversity. Men wore pants just below the knees, a white shirt, jacket or sleeveless vest, women - long skirt gathered or folded, shirt, often embroidered, with wide sleeves, etc. corsage, that is, a short blouse, a colorful apron, a neck and head scarf. Decorations were required. These are the main features national costume, although each locality had its own varieties. Nowadays they wear modern clothes everywhere.

The Italian cuisine, unlike the costume, has not changed. What it has in common is the popularity of pasta, rice, cheeses and seafood. Pasta (in Italian - pasta) has about 30 types - spaghetti, vermicelli, bucatini, tagliatelle, etc. There are also many varieties of cheese - ricotto, mozzarella, pecorino, etc. Rice dishes can be prepared with different seasonings, and are called risotto. Fruits are widely consumed for dessert. But each region is also famous for its own dish. In Liguria - buridda, fish boiled in oil with herbs. In Lombardy - busecca, tripe soup. In Umbria - madzafegati, sausages made from pork liver. In Venice - risi e bisi, rice and peas. In Rome - gnocchi alla Romana, potato dumplings. Naples is the birthplace of the world famous pizza. Now it is sold all over the world, there are special cafes - pizzerias. Italy rivals only France in wine production. These are mainly dry white and red wines, with a small proportion of fortified, dessert and sparkling wines. The most famous is Chianti (Tuscany). In Sicily - Marsala, in Campania - Lacrima Christi.

Italians prefer coffee and eat white bread. They usually have lunch at home, and those who work far from home bring sandwiches to work. In big cities, trattorias and small restaurants where prices are lower are popular.

The Italians have a humorous saying about themselves: “If an Italian’s hands are tied behind his back, he will not be able to speak.”Italians have always been distinguished by their mobility, liveliness, and temperament. They have a sign language, that is, when an Italian speaks, he speaks not only with his mouth, but also with his hands.

Romans in the 19th century were very religious. The field of ambition was closed to the laity; only priests made careers. There was a strong influence of the Catholic Church.

In Rome, luxurious balls were given, better than those of Napoleon. Prince Borghese had 37 halls for this purpose. He gave a ball every Saturday.

The Roman nobility was ruined. Due to laziness in managing their affairs, the aristocracy is ruined by its managers. In Venice she is reduced to beggary.

Another custom brought by the Spaniards, chichisbey, flourished in the 16th–18th centuries. Many women had a chichisbey, that is, a gentleman with whom she appears in society when her husband is busy with business. If the chichisbey was rich, he promoted the husband, sometimes on the contrary, the rich husband promoted the chichisbey. Napoleon destroyed this custom.

The Romans, although seemingly restrained, are actually frantic. A prince who has fallen in love with a carpenter's wife will be afraid of her husband, since he will simply kill him. In any other city, the prince could calmly indulge in amorous affairs by paying his husband.

According to the 2008 Male Beaut survey, Italians are recognized as the most... handsome men peace.

Family ties are very strong in Italy, the most famous national peculiarity- this is a huge number of companies consisting exclusively of members of one family. Almost all Italian small and medium-sized businesses consist of such companies. These include shops, small restaurants, accounting firms, law offices, etc. In addition, if any of Italian family got a well-paid job in a prestigious place, he strives to place the maximum number of his close and distant relatives there as well.

Given the great importance of family in the life of the average Italian, there is no rush to get married in Italy. Italians usually have a long and romantic courtship. Often, the period of cohabitation before official marriage can be more than ten years. Family law rules in Italy force men to be extremely careful. When breaking up Italian family the wife has the right to lifelong maintenance from her husband. If she gets a job or gets married again, she loses her husband’s financial support, however, if the wife has unofficial income or lives with a new man without signing, then the husband is also obliged to pay her money. In addition, the wife can claim a certain part of her husband’s pension after his death.

If a young couple finally decides to officially legitimize their relationship, then it is customary to play very lush rich wedding. The parents of the bride and groom spend very significant sums of money so that this event remains in the memory of their numerous relatives, who must be present at the wedding. The table is usually served with traditional Italian pasta, cheeses, seafood and wine. The bride must wear white, Italians do not welcome Wedding Dresses other colors. The most an important part Italian wedding is a photo shoot. For the future Italian family This is truly the most important event in life, and Italians strive to capture every moment of celebration.

For Italian families home is of great importance. In Italy, it is customary to invest money mainly in real estate, so the average Italian family usually owns two or three houses. As a rule, these are small houses with one or two rooms, but very cozy and well-kept. The family lives in one house most of the time, they come to another for the summer, the third house is intended to accommodate visiting relatives and guests, etc. Land, as well as real estate, is considered very valuable. For Italians, working on the land is a very important part of life. It not only grows flowers, but also food. Italians are able to grow crops even on the balcony.

IN Italian family the accepted state of affairs is that the woman nominally occupies a secondary position. She should be in second place after her husband, obey him in everything, please him, and in every possible way support his status as the head of the family. Italian women do this very well. Nominally the husband is always the first, but in fact the head of the family in most Italian families after all, she is a woman. Feminine V family relationships Italian society is very large: women make important decisions, run everything in the house, and often play an important role in the family business. Sons in Italian families They are very attached to their mother, this strong attachment remains with them all their lives. Young men are in no hurry to leave their parents' homes and part with their mother; most of them live with their parents' families until they are thirty.

Italy has long ceased to be a country large families. On average Italian family usually one or two children. Italian children are noisy and
uncontrollable, parents usually spoil them, allowing absolutely everything. In Italy, it is customary to take children with you to restaurants, for walks, to theaters; children get to know the adult side of life early. It is customary to pamper girls more, perhaps this is why an Italian woman grows up to be domineering and demanding. Yell at a child for bad behavior not accepted, moreover, it is considered indecent. Children in Italy are the flowers of life; parents do not insist on strict upbringing and strive to give their child a completely carefree and happy childhood. Italians treat family very reverently and seriously; usually for an Italian, his family is a source of pride. In Italy, it is customary to constantly carry photographs of your family with you, and this applies not only to women. An Italian man's wallet always contains photographs of his wife, children, and always his mother, which he is happy to show to work colleagues or new acquaintances, talking about his family.

Ecology of life. Children: Life in any country has its pros and cons, that’s a fact. But only after becoming a mother did I begin to evaluate different aspects of life abroad much more closely and critically. For example, the principles of raising children in Italy are strikingly different from what I remember from my own Soviet childhood. For better or worse, it’s up to the readers to judge!

Life in any country has its pros and cons, that's a fact. But only after becoming a mother did I begin to evaluate different aspects of life abroad much more closely and critically. For example, the principles of raising children in Italy are strikingly different from what I remember from my own Soviet childhood. For better or worse, it’s up to the readers to judge!

1. Universal love for children

Let's start with the fact that the love of Italians, young and old, for children, bambini, is truly limitless. Maybe someone will say that this is not pedagogical, but for kids - and mothers! - Very nice! Children here are idolized, showered with gifts, and showered with compliments and praise. Children in Italy are allowed almost everything - and even a little more! This is probably one of the reasons why, according to the unanimous opinion of the owners of European hotels, Italian children are the most unbridled in comparison with their peers from other European countries.

In addition, the all-Italian love for children has a beneficial side, from a practical point of view - they will help lift a stroller onto a tram, and they will give a balloon to a capricious little one, and they will entertain a bored child with jokes and jokes while the mother is in a hurry paying for purchases in the supermarket and stuffing food in string bags. So this love of children of Italians sometimes comes in handy.

True, it also has a downside. It manifests itself when, for example, complete strangers, desperate to get their own grandchildren, stick their heads into the stroller with a newborn in order to cuddle a stranger - and a sleeping one at that! - child. Or when they lavish unnecessary advice. Or when they address children directly with comments (“why are you so angry?”), criticism (“but my grandchildren don’t eat THIS!”) or comparisons (“but at your age I already knew how to ride a two-wheeled bicycle!” ).

2. The Right Attitude to food and healthy eating

Surely, many have heard about the vaunted Mediterranean diet, which includes the consumption of olive oil, fish, nuts, fresh fruits and vegetables. In fact, the Mediterranean diet is not a diet at all, but a real lifestyle, healthy life, which, according to publicly available statistics, reduces the risk of malignant tumors and heart disease by an order of magnitude.

Bread with olive oil instead of buns with cream, stewed meat with vegetables instead of semi-finished products, a slice of Parmesan for an afternoon snack, “for the bones,” as my Italian mother-in-law says (Italians are sure that Parmesan is healthy in any form and at any age) - traditional Italian cuisine can boast of abundance easy and quick to prepare dishes. This Italian secret of dolce vita, the sweet life, has been on the daily menu of the average Italian since childhood!

How do they do this? When choosing products, Italians are guided by the principles of seasonality and geographical availability: here they eat only what grows in a given region and at a given time of year, because this is the best guarantee of the freshness and excellent taste of the products that reach the table. Children eat the same things as adults (within reasonable limits, of course). And children - perché no? why not? - long-awaited guests in almost any Italian restaurant.

There is always a high chair for them, and the chef can easily cook something simple but surprisingly tasty for the baby! From an early age, Italians know which sauces are best to pair with different types pasta, how to properly prepare risotto and cook pasta al dente, and over time they master a couple of proven recipes for basic dishes, like spaghetti with tomato sauce and basil and carbonara.

However, it is necessary to make a reservation that in the case of food, the Italian Ministry of Health last years sounds the alarm: more and more children are overweight and obese among Italian teenagers. The reason for this is the food culture imposed by fast food with an abundance of semi-finished products and carbonated drinks. There is no doubt that it is much easier to give a child a cookie and sit him in front of the TV, but to seduce him for a carrot and a bike ride to the park in our age of digital technology is becoming more and more difficult... And it doesn’t matter where you are: in Russia or Italy.

3. Education in faith

Faith in God in Italy is difficult to separate from everyday life: it accompanies every Italian from birth to death. While not every Italian home has a rosary hanging at the head of the bed, almost everywhere you will probably find a crucifix above the room door. The Italian family may not express gratitude to God for His mercies before every meal, but many give wholeheartedly to charity every Christmas, or when filling out their tax return, allocate 0.8% of their income tax to the Catholic Church.

Little Italians are baptized with great pomp infancy, then for two years they are taken to church for catechism lessons, so that later they can celebrate first communion on a grand scale - a holiday that, in terms of pomp and abundance of gifts, is sometimes ahead of any of the children’s birthdays. Even not particularly religious Italians get married in church, go to festive mass on Christmas and Easter, and send their children to Catholic kindergartens, even if not out of the call of their souls, but because “it’s customary.” This is the very fly in the ointment that can be found in any barrel: because it is so accepted - otherwise the public will condemn...

Although, on the other hand, it would be wrong to think that in Italy they believe solely “for the sake of interest.” I know many families where they go to church out of the call of their hearts, for the sake of meeting God, and participate with interest in the life of the parish, and not just for the sake of show, they say, we are exemplary parishioners, a “black belt” in the Catholic Mass. But still, I sometimes get the impression that most Catholics are believers “by inertia”, because they were raised in Catholic traditions, and not because God really lives in their hearts.

4. Love and respect for parents

My “acquaintance” with Italy lasts no less than 17 years, and I have never heard Italians being rude to their parents. I don't take into account pathological cases where sons kill own parents for the sake of profit, which is periodically shown on TV - I’m talking about sincere filial and daughterly love and respect for mother and father. For Italian children, the father is really best friend and a playmate, and a mother is a role model for daughters and a model woman for sons.

And the love and respect of already adult children is manifested in small but important gestures of everyday care for the health and mood of their parents, the amount of time and attention given to them. Festive feasts at Christmas, Sunday family dinners - all this brings the family together. And family is the center of life for Italians. That is why they extremely rarely and reluctantly send elderly parents to a nursing home: mamma and papà live out their lives within their own walls, otherwise the children will burn with shame!

But such attachment to parents, it seems to me, also reverse side, causing painful dependence on them, both emotional and material. Local men live for a long time with their parents under the same roof, get married late and, even after getting married, are in no hurry to live an independent life.

Mom is always aware of everything that happens in her son’s house, she is always nearby and ready with advice and “constructive criticism.” A mother may call her adult son in the middle of the workday and ask what he had for lunch. It is no secret that Italian mothers are extremely jealous of their sons and consider every potential bride with passion.

Although the daughters of Italian mothers enjoy no less love from their parents - after all, only an Italian mother-in-law can quite seriously (and with some pretension) tell her newly-made son-in-law that he did not take his daughter away from his mother, but “plucked the best rose in the garden of her heart!”

Oh, yes, I almost forgot: la mamma makes the most delicious lasagna in the world. And Italian mom is the best fashion expert for your children. She will closely inspect appearance offspring from toe to toe ready, even if the already grown child is just going to drop by the post office, and will worry for a long time about her inglorious failure as a mother, if it suddenly turns out that her offspring does not know how to correctly - read, as she taught - combine colors and styles. And, of course, la mamma is always right - this is the unspoken motto of almost all Italian men.

5. Education in total love

Italian parents probably love their children just as much as parents in Russia, Argentina or China. They only show their love much more actively: no matter how old you are, your Italian mother will always address you as amore mio, my love, or il mio bambino (la mia bambina), and passionately kiss and hug you tightly in public , as if you haven’t seen each other not since lunch, but for at least five years. Is it as nice to feel such parental adoration at 35 years old as at 5?

Needless to say, every Italian mother is firmly convinced of the absolute superiority of her children over others: her children are the smartest, dexterous, skillful, cunning, and the list goes on. “No, my son is not lazy and a slacker, you’re just teaching him wrong!” - this is a very real phrase from a very real Italian mother, expressed absolutely seriously as a complaint to the school teachers of her slob son. Among my Italian relatives there are selfless mothers who went through the school curriculum and university course several times (exactly according to the number of children), essentially sharing with their offspring their diplomas in law, engineering and economics.

Unfortunately, sometimes Italian mothers, having given a child life, immediately take it away, not allowing him to learn from his own mistakes and gain the necessary experience. I am also a mother and I know from experience that it is much easier to tell a child “no!” and not allow you to switch to a two-wheeled bicycle, not sign up for a diving session in the pool, or not let you spend the night with a friend, than to say “yes!” with a tremble in your voice! and provide the growing baby with a bit of independence, giving him the opportunity to explore the world around him.

Pacifiers, diapers and strollers up to preschool age, lack of a daily routine and sleeping together with your mother, which is so common in Italy, all this “together through life” from early childhood and almost until adulthood is nothing more than fencing off from reality to the detriment of discipline and independence, This is a mother’s selfish desire to keep her precious child under control, to keep him only for herself.

I constantly compare Italian and Russian ways of raising children and, to my joy, I do not find an unconditional winner. In Russia, on the one hand, children are raised and developed comprehensively, on the other hand, they are drilled excessively. In Italy, on the contrary, they allow you to be idle, make you extremely fond of them, pamper you and “graze” you.

This will be interesting for you:

A couple of years ago, completely unexpectedly for myself, I heard the term dolce fermezza in my daughter’s Catholic kindergarten, which can be conventionally - in relation to pedagogy - translated as gentle but decisive guidance, and literally as “sweet firmness” (if you are interested, look on the Internet information about the principles of education of San Giovanni Battista de La Salle).

This is exactly how I would like to raise my children - in love and severity, in freedom and respect, in abundance and asceticism. And especially after my daughter told me that she wants to “be like you, mom,” using personal example. After all, all educational work being a parent comes down, first of all, to constant work on yourself! published

Eugenia Cavaletti continues to talk about her observations of Italian mothers, children and methods of raising them. In the second part of the article we will talk about spoiled children and their upbringing.

Family education: spoiled children

Due to the fact that many families do not want or cannot afford more than one child, the only child in the family grows up extremely spoiled. Such a child (son, daughter, grandson or granddaughter) does not deny himself anything. He is bombarded with toys that he no longer values; his every wish is fulfilled. He is practically not limited in anything and is touched by all sorts of whims. In truth, Italians are extremely lenient towards children. Even if your child throws a tantrum in the store, rolling around on the floor and kicking his legs, the Italians will only smile, someone will say comfortingly to the parents: “Well, this is the norm, this is his period, poveroamore*” (*poor thing).

The only pity is that this “period” lasts until the child turns 16, or even older. And when, finally, the parents understand that the child is an absolute egoist, they say to this: “How strange that we have such a son! We are such a well-mannered and good family.”
This permissiveness is bad not only for the family, but also for the child himself. We have a family friend, a 35-year-old man. The only child and only grandson, caressed by all relatives. As soon as he expressed any desire, it was immediately fulfilled. He had not yet received his license, but a new car was already waiting for him in the garage. As soon as the first mobile phones appeared, he already had one. He got married and was given a house. He was raised to be a star, and within his family he was one. But it was difficult for him at school, there was a whole class of these stars. At the university, he studied poorly - the teachers did not understand how “exceptional” he was. Now he works in one small company, he has a beautiful wife and son, but he is unhappy and angry, because he was raised “the very best”, and his real life does not meet his high expectations.

If such a spoiled child grew up in a well-mannered family, where he was instilled with basic norms of behavior, then he usually behaves normally in society, which cannot be said about spoiled and ill-mannered children.

Parenting: punishments

Some Italian parents (and almost half of them) almost never punish their children. Moreover, they don’t even scold them. Firstly, they think that in this way the child develops harmoniously and expresses himself, and secondly, it’s just convenient for them. Parents do not want to waste time painstakingly explaining to their child day after day how to behave and how not to behave.

For example, if some toddler on the playground takes away all of your child’s toys, and in addition hits him on the head with a shovel, don’t expect his mother to come running to you with an apology. On the contrary, most likely this mother will stand aside and look at her “hero” with a sweet smile. What a great guy and earner he is!

Italian children raised in this way do not recognize parental authority at all and do not listen to adults. School teachers complain that they can no longer calmly give a bad grade to a student, since after that his parents show up at the school demanding to explain why their child received such a low grade.

A teacher calls a student's parents and complains that their son is writing on the walls of the school. The parents respond that this cannot be, since their son is well brought up. If earlier in a class of 29 students there were 2-3 such “difficult” cases, then in the last decade uncontrollable students (and, accordingly, “deaf” parents) make up about 30 percent of the class.

You are a star!

In addition, the following phenomenon has been observed recently. Many wealthy parents definitely want to make their only child someone outstanding and brilliant. Instead of allowing the child to study in peace, allowing him to go to university at will, parents convince their offspring that he or she will be the best volleyball player, football player, ballerina and take him or her to endless training sessions and competitions.

Parents encourage their child to stand out in any way possible. They tell him like a mantra: you must be the best. It's especially difficult for only children. The entire burden of parents' expectations falls on him. As a result, they grow up to be adults who are dissatisfied with life, since it was instilled in them from childhood that they were born for more.

This whole sad picture is confirmed by the surveys “Children of which nationality are less well-mannered” and “Children of which nationality behave the worst on board an airplane.”

According to the results of the survey “Children of which nationality are less well-mannered,” which was conducted several years ago and in which about 500 hotels in Europe took part, Italian children are the most ill-mannered (66 percent). The Swedes, Danes and Swiss were recognized as the most educated. Russians scored 12 percent.

Here are some excerpts from the survey: “Italian children allow themselves to throw tantrums, be capricious, and scream not only in their rooms, but also in in public places. They do not listen to adults at all and are uncontrollable. During lunch, they run around the tables throughout the restaurant, throwing food.”

An international survey “Which nationality of children behaves worst on board an airplane” found that the most ill-mannered are the British and Spanish. The third place “proudly” is again occupied by Italian children.

Raising children in Italy. Part 1