Family relationships characteristics. Family relationships are Family - a social institution

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Family relationships cover the relationships of all participants in a previously established small family social group united by a common life and interests. Love, family, relationships between relatives, what could be more significant in life?! However, relationships in married couples are often quite unfavorable. To create strong family ties and lasting relationships, a comfortable microclimate, it is necessary for all members of the established group to move in the same direction.

Often, problematic aspects and conflict situations that arise in the relationships of marriage partners appear as a result of the inability to form a healthy connection, due to the fact that no one has previously taught them how to competently build healthy relationships, get out of conflicts, and interact correctly. Also, the moral climate and psychological atmosphere in family relationships, the family’s social activity and structure depend not so much on the spouses themselves and general patterns, but on the specific circumstances that influenced the origin of the family and its further functioning.

Family and family relationships

Among the circumstances that influence the life of the family and favorable relations in it between its members, the level of education of the spouses and the degree of their culture, financial situation, instilled traditions and life guidelines, place of residence, social status, and moral beliefs influence. The family’s desire for unity and consolidation, for constructive resolution of conflict situations, and movement in one direction depends on all of the above factors, thereby determining the specifics of family relationships.

Families can be, depending on the number of members, large or small. Today at modern society A small rather than a large family is considered the norm, although not in all countries. A small family usually consists of spouses and one or maximum two children. The core of every family is the spouses and their children. Often their parents also live with them. Each participant in family relationships is in stable interaction with each other and plays a specific role in the family, worrying about meeting the interests of society, the needs of each member individually or the family as a whole. The personal qualitative characteristics of the spouses and the specifics of their relationships determine the appearance of the family and the direction of implementation of its inherent functions.

Communicative interaction ensures the coherence and purposefulness of the partners’ efforts in order to achieve priorities that are important for the family, satisfying the individual needs of the subjects for spiritual closeness with their loved one. In the process of communicative interaction, partners exchange intimate and important information only for them, while empathizing with each other, which leads to a better understanding of each other, enrichment intellectually and spiritually. Intimate communication between partners is inextricably linked with the spiritual.

A family is considered a socio-economic entity within which a common life and budget are conducted, the acquisition or production and consumption of various types of goods and services occurs. For example, satisfying the need for clothing. This function of the family is called economic. Its implementation is the task, first of all, of the spouses. And deep mastery of professional knowledge and skills by spouses will allow this function to be fully realized.

Another key function of a social unit is the organization of cultural leisure. A typical feature of leisure is considered to be a special atmosphere of warmth and emotionality, which allows you to completely open up and be sincere.

The educational function of the family institution is also of no small importance. After all, children are born and then raised in it.

The listed functions performed by the family are extremely important and irreplaceable. A social group organized into a family must show equal care for all its members - both older and younger.

There is also a distinction between the representative function of the family, which means actions in the interests and on behalf of the family when contacting friends, neighbors, and various public institutions.

A marriage union will function better only in cases of extensive interaction between spouses.

The composition of functions in a particular family can be diverse. It depends on the degree of formation and level of development of the family, the circumstances of its existence. Failure to perform certain functions by the family may not affect the strength of the union only if both spouses have lost interest in a particular type of activity. If only one of the partners has lost interest, and the desire of the second for joint activities in some area of ​​family functioning does not find the necessary response, a constant source of conflict will appear.

Families, like family relationships, can be diverse and depend on many different factors. Below are the types of families and family relationships that are observed in society today.

The most democratic type of family relationships is considered to be a partnership way of building relationships. In such a family, relationships are built on trust, equality and constructive communication. In a partner family, it doesn’t matter who earns more, the budget will still be shared. Problems and conflict situations are resolved through discussion and joint search for optimal ways to resolve the situation. The main difference between such a family is a joyful atmosphere and a healthy environment in the family.

The next, no less common type of relationship in marriage is the patriarchal type, in which the wife and children obey the man (husband). The husband is the head of the family. He is fully responsible for the group members and makes all decisions independently. The role of a woman in such a family comes down to either running the home and raising a child, or working, but in combination with running a household and caring for a child. The typology of family relations also contains a category called the traditional family, which is characterized by maintaining close ties with relatives up to the “seventh generation” and subordination to the elders in the family. The foundation of a traditional family is the inviolable laws of strong relationships, responsibility and nepotism. In such families, most often, partners enter into marriage only once. Traditional families do not accept divorce. The advantage of creating just such a family is mutual understanding and a clear delineation of responsibilities between all members of the group.

The matriarchal type of family relationships is also quite common today. In this type of relationship, either the woman earns more than the man, as a result of which she influences him, or she is an activist who loves to independently take care of children, the budget, repairs, and any other family problems, i.e. everything that has time. Often a man allows his wife to dominate the family due to his own natural laziness, unwillingness or inability to resolve domestic problems. There are also families in which the wife fully provides for the family, so the man takes on the responsibilities of a housewife.

Today we can distinguish another type of family relationship, which is new to society - the modern family. This type of relationship originated in the second half of the 19th century in European countries and spread throughout the world within a hundred years. It is characterized by the prevalence of individual desires over general desires in relationships. In such families, personal life becomes more important and significant than the intrafamily life. In a modern family, the interests of partners can be completely different, and the intimate aspect of marriage prevails over others. Children in such family unions become objects of excessive affection from their parents. The desperate desire of spouses in modern families to give their own children everything is a negative feature of such relationships. After all, this prevents children from improving themselves; it is not easy for them to get on their feet, since they are freed by their parents from the need to get something with their own labor, and are protected from any difficulties.

There can be all sorts of types of families and family relationships, but each individual marriage has its own positive aspects and negative traits.

Attitude towards family and parents

The characteristics of family relationships are determined by several factors that determine the quality of relationships between relatives. Such factors include: adaptation of spouses, their dependence on parents, the type of family rituals and the nature of family rituals, dependence on the spouse’s relatives, behavior in resolving conflicts with relatives on one side or the other, interpersonal models of establishing connections.

There is a close relationship that unites adaptation of spouses and adaptation to relatives on one side or the other. Some people are satisfied that they have excluded new relatives from their own family life or have isolated themselves from them, while others will do everything possible to strengthen ties with new relatives and build interdependent relationships. The effective level of interaction may also be different for a couple at different stages of family life.

Unfortunately, it often happens that the attitude towards the baby in the family overshadows all feelings towards the parents. But before, for every individual in childhood, parents played the most important role. They were the most dear, dear and beloved people. But as we enter adult life, especially after the birth of children, close relationships with parents are lost. Although this does not mean that parents have become less close to their older children or that they have begun to love them less, but with each meeting there is less and less time to spend together, and endless problems, constant conflicts and misunderstandings can only aggravate the situation.

A good relationship It’s not easy to build a family. After all, children and parents have different views, beliefs, preferences and tastes. Due to various little things, conflicts and misunderstandings arise.

In order for the relationship with your parents to remain the same, you need to try to understand what has gone wrong, what has changed. You should try to please your parents more often, give them gifts, albeit small ones, and not only on major holidays. After all, in childhood, parents spoiled their children with gifts not only on holidays, but for some reason when children grow up, they forget about all the joyful moments that their parents gave them, move away from them, and do not take into account their opinions.

Good family relationships with parents will not be possible without communication. You need to talk to your parents without sparing your time. If adult “children” are annoyed by constant parental reproaches and unnerved by advice, then you should simply ask them about the details of life at the age at which their grown-up children are now. All people make mistakes, and all parents strive to protect their children, regardless of their age, from any mistakes. Therefore, one should not neglect the advice of parents or judge them harshly. It is necessary to give parents the opportunity to take care of their grown-up children.

Social relations in the family

The family is considered the most complex social entity today. It is based on the integral family-wide interaction of a community of individuals who are connected by marriage and carry out the reproduction of offspring, the succession of family generations, and the socialization of children.

The family represents at the same time social institution and some small group. A relatively unchanging type or stable form of social practice through which it is created and organized public life, the stability of interrelations and relationships within the boundaries of the social formation of society is guaranteed, and is called a social institution. In sociology, a small group means a small social group of individuals, whose members are united by joint activities and establish personal communications with each other. This is the foundation on which emotional relationships in the family arise, the basis for the formation of special group guidelines, values, rules and norms of behavior.

The family as a social institution is aimed at satisfying the most important human need for reproduction. And as a small group, it is the foundation on which the formation of personality takes place and plays a significant role in personal development, socialization. The family, as a small social collective, is a kind of conductor of the rules of behavior, values, moral and spiritual norms that dominate society.

The following types of family ties should be distinguished, depending on characteristic features marriage, characteristics of parental roles and kinship: monogamous and polygamous marriages, patrilineal and matrilineal unions, patriarchal and matriarchal marriages, homogeneous and heterogeneous marriages.

Monogamous marital ties are a marriage between two people: a female representative and a representative of the stronger half of humanity. A polygamous marriage is a marital union of one man with several spouses or one woman with several men. In patrilineal marriages, inheritance of social status, property, and surname occurs through the paternal line, and in matrilineal families, through the mother. In patriarchal marriages, the head of the family is the husband, and in matriarchal families, the wife is considered the highest authority. In homogeneous marriages, the spouses are natives of the same social group, and in a heterogeneous family union, the husband and wife come from different social classes, castes, groups, classes.

Today, the most common in today's urbanized cities are the so-called nuclear marriages, in which a family consists of parents and children, in other words, two generations.

Social relations in a family union are divided into formal relations, i.e. conventional and informal relationships, i.e. interpersonal.

Sustainable social relations, connections between family members, close relatives, other relatives, and friends have a positive, sustainable impact on state of mind and health.

Child-parent relationships in the family

Healthy parent-child relationships in the family contain two components. Love is the first ingredient. The attitude towards the baby in the family should be based, first of all, on love for him, and not on control and educational methods of influence. The child needs to feel that mom and dad feel love for him simply because he exists, and not for his behavior, actions or good grades. The love of parents is the guarantee that the baby will grow up with normal level self-esteem, feelings and trust in the world around us. Children who are simply loved accept themselves exactly as they really are, which is of great importance in their entire subsequent life. After all, if you enter adulthood considering your personality “unworthy” or “bad,” your chances of a decent and successful life are reduced to zero.

The second component of the parent-child relationship is freedom of choice. Providing it to a child is often much more difficult than love. It is quite difficult, and sometimes very scary, for parents to allow their child to make his own choice. Since they are always confident that they know better what to do, but the child wants to do it his own way only out of pure stubbornness. However, freedom of choice should be distinguished from lack of control and permissiveness.

Even if the baby feels love, excessive control on the part of dad and mom leads to the risk of developing various forms dependencies. Reckless parental love, enhanced by total control, is an explosive mixture. This “cocktail” suffocates and prevents you from breathing. Women with increased anxiety and over-concern are prone to such overprotection. They control every step of the child, every new hobby. As a result, the baby can grow up either fragile and vulnerable, unable to withstand any difficulties in life, or simply try to avoid such love by any means. The nature of family relationships, based on total control, as most psychologists claim, causes children to often escape from reality into “chemical dependence,” mainly drug addiction.

Control, coupled with parental dislike, can destroy a child’s personality, which can result in...

Excessive freedom given to a child, combined with dislike, provides an opportunity for the formation of a child's personality, but at the same time leads to a great risk of physical injury. Such relationships are most often observed in dysfunctional families, such as families of alcoholics or drug addicts. In such family unions, children receive almost absolute freedom of choice, since, in principle, no one needs them. In such relationships, children have a high probability of dying, but at the same time, children have the opportunity to grow into independent, purposeful individuals.

For the purpose of educational measures in family relationships, parents can turn to various methods influences, such as rewarding or punishing the child, the desire to demonstrate behavior patterns by example. Praise from parents will be more effective if the child has a warm, friendly relationship with them, and, conversely, if the relationship between the participants in the seminal process is cold and indifferent, then praise will provide practically no incentive for the baby. Thanks to the use of encouraging parenting methods, the development of a child as an individual can either be accelerated and made more successful, or slowed down. You should not abuse punishment in the process of education. It should be used only if it is practically impossible to change the child’s behavior in any other way. If there is a need for punishment to increase the educational response, the punishment should follow immediately after the offense. Very harsh punishments should not be abused, as they can make the child angry. Children who are often shouted at and constantly punished become emotionally indifferent and exhibit increased stress.

The psychology of family relationships comes down to the fact that everything that happens to a child is entirely the merit of his parents. Therefore, parents must learn that after the birth of a child, they have the opportunity to either help the child in the processes of socialization, personality development, learning, etc., or, conversely, hinder it. Refusal to participate in raising children is also a kind of contribution to his future. But whether it will be positive or bad, time will tell.

Interpersonal relationships in the family

Achieving coherence and harmony in a marital relationship is quite difficult. The most important period in the family life of partners is rightfully considered the initial period, when young people for the first time encounter not love problems, but family and everyday problems. The stage of grinding in characters, coordinating views on life, establishing a family structure is a very difficult and important stage in a relationship, which can cause both ups and downs in the mood of the newlyweds. This period is full of the most ambivalent experiences. This stage of married life is remembered by young people for a lifetime, and is subsequently reflected in the fate of the family and spouses. Indeed, in a relationship, each spouse discovers the world not only of his life partner, but also discovers something new in himself.

The basis of healthy family relationships should be a feeling of love, i.e. the highest level of emotionally positive attitude of an individual towards an individual. Phenomenal selectivity in choosing a companion in relationships built on love is also known.

The psychology of family relationships in the real life of subjects is much richer, more diverse and complex than what people imagine before entering into a marriage relationship.

The problem of relationships between married subjects is relevant and one of the fundamental topics in family psychotherapeutic practice. In particular, this applies to young families created recently, where spouses are just learning to live together. This stage of family life is considered a kind of grinding in and an indicator of how their joint life will develop in the future. married life. The grinding-in period is characterized by a lot of problems in interpersonal relationships partners.

Basically, protracted conflicts, grievances, and quarrels are caused, first, by joint housekeeping. At this stage, you need to learn how to build a life together and treat the habits of the other with understanding and patience. It is with the ability to find a common language in the process of building a common life that many problems are associated. After all, earlier, even before marriage, partners spent everything together free time and enjoyed it. They forgave each other for each other's minor shortcomings, such as impracticality, some forgetfulness, absent-mindedness, etc. Previously, these qualities were perceived as a slightly funny, harmless and cute personality trait. Now it causes irritation and begins to be compared with unreliability.

Difficulties in mutual understanding and interpersonal relationships between spouses are often inextricably linked with differences in temperament. Often problems in interpersonal interaction are caused by the influence of the biological rhythms of spouses. Also depends on the fluctuations in the biological rhythms of partners intimate life young family and its spiritual comfort.

Emotional relationships in the family represent the most important integrating mechanism, thanks to which the participants in family relationships feel like a single integrity and feel warmth and support from each other. Relationships based on love and mutual sympathy contribute to reducing frustrating experiences.

As a rule, emotional relationships in a family go through five stages in sequence. The first stage is characterized by a deep and passionate feeling of love of the individual, when the spouse takes all the attention, coloring the perception of the partner’s reality in rainbow colors. At the second stage, some cooling occurs, which manifests itself in the fact that the image of the spouse less often emerges in consciousness in his absence, but when meeting him, a strong surge of positive emotions, a feeling of tenderness and a feeling of love appears. The third stage is characterized by continued cooling in emotional relationships. In the absence of a spouse, the partner experiences some psychological discomfort, however, when meeting him, tenderness and feelings of love no longer flare up. For a flash of tenderness and love, a kind of incentive is now needed - the partner must do something pleasant to prove his love. At this stage, addiction occurs. If at this stage mutual understanding is not found and the intensity of interpersonal communications is not reduced, then it will move to the fourth stage, which is characterized by unconscious irritation caused by the presence of the spouse. At the fourth stage, habits or character traits, appearance are perceived not as minor shortcomings, but as causes for conflicts. At the fifth stage, the individual is completely in the grip of a negative attitude. It is characterized by the fact that the spouses have already forgotten all pleasant deeds and words, and all the bad things come to the fore. Partners come to a misunderstanding of why they live together. This period is the most difficult in interpersonal relationships.

Relationships between spouses in the family

As a rule, the nature of relationships in a family, the cohesion of its members or the breakdown of the family, depend on the set of personal qualities of the partners, the moral principles they profess, ideological beliefs and life attitudes. When the ideological beliefs or worldviews of the spouses are incompatible, the family falls apart. The difference in ideologies determines the dissimilarity of needs, goals, objectives, ideals, dreams, and therefore leads to differences in actions and behavior, the result of which will necessarily be the spiritual incompatibility of the spouses and even hostility. True rapprochement between a man and a woman who holds different worldviews is possible only if both partners or one of them refuses their original positions.

The moral qualities of spouses are essential for family relationships, such as tolerance, the ability to understand, attentiveness, kindness, a sense of tact, compassion, etc. All these qualities make the subject more “suitable” for living together in a marriage. Conversely, qualities such as causeless anger, excessive touchiness, capriciousness, arrogance, and selfishness make people incapable of long-term relationships and unsuitable for family life.

Also, individuals entering into a marriage must look in the same direction, have similar views on moral standards and value guidelines, such as the position of a man and the position of a woman in marriage, equality between the sexes, mutual respect, justice, responsibility and duty to the family and society. Since any confrontation with each other in this regard will only help undermine the foundation of relations.

The ability to make and carry out decisions is considered to be a rather important guiding personality quality. If this quality the individual lacks it, then the worldview, life goals and attitudes become purely declarative and rather shaky, and the subject’s personality becomes unreliable and infantile. The behavior of such an individual is characterized by impulsiveness and unpredictability, as a result of which long-term cooperation with him becomes impossible.

Of great importance for the individual is also the assimilation of legal norms and moral guidelines that regulate relationships in family life, the roles of husband and wife, father and mother. The result of mastering such norms will be the formation of a sense of duty, which, together with the will and feeling of love, pushes partners, their parents and other participants in family relationships to accurately and strictly fulfill their duties.

Speaking about how to improve relationships in the family, strengthen its internal connections, and improve relationships between partners, one cannot underestimate the intimate relationships of spouses. Main in physical relationships spouses is that intimacy must satisfy both spouses.

Also, to ensure the cohesion of participants in family relationships, their ability to improve economic activities is very important. Partners should not be afraid and avoid everyday life. Joint housekeeping will only bring spouses together if you do not avoid it.

Love, family, relationships between individuals in the family are the fundamental factors that concern everyone, since in many ways the degree of success and satisfaction with life depends on it.

Relationships in a young family

A harmonious union of two individuals, consistency of emotional reactions in a young family are created gradually. The prospects for a union and further happy family relationships depend on the development of harmony and mutual understanding. That is why special emphasis should be placed on the initial stage of the formation of a family union, since it is at this stage that the psychological compatibility of two absolutely different people. This is the foundation of the emerging multi-story structure of marriage relations. The durability of the entire structure of family life depends on how strong such a foundation is.

Ideally, a family is the closest people in the world, ready to always support each other and come to the rescue, and are always nearby in difficult times. However, even between close people there are conflicts or misunderstandings.

Perhaps today the question of how to improve family relationships is considered one of the central and most pressing issues. Effective method Avoiding misunderstandings in family relationships is considered the ability to find mutual understanding in any situation with your family. Therefore, depending on how diplomatically an individual is able to behave in various conflict and ordinary life situations, how cloudless the situation will be. living together. As family relationships develop and the family itself matures, it develops its own unique atmosphere. Unfortunately, today it is quite common to find families where a spirit of alienation and an atmosphere of misunderstanding between members of the household prevail. The results of such intrafamily relationships can be completely different, ranging from family breakdown to psychosocial problems of children.

Naturally, it is impossible to live absolutely without conflicts. You need to understand that conflicts come in different forms. Destructive conflicts should be avoided in family life. It must be remembered that each individual has pros and cons, so you should learn to forgive and make concessions.

Healthy relationships in the newlyweds' family will help avoid family breakdown. All problems that arise should be discussed, an attempt should be made to find a joint solution, and not avoided.

Unfortunately, in our time, the value of family relationships is gradually being lost. To prevent this from happening, individuals getting married should be aware of the reasons that prompt them to enter into a family union. If both spouses love, respect and understand each other, if they are ready to make concessions to each other and have common interests, then relationships in a young family will develop favorably.

The characteristics of relationships in a newlywed family are determined by the psychological compatibility of the partners and the ability to create an optimal moral microclimate in the relationship.

Family relationship problem

In our time, one of the fundamental problems modern family a sharp decline in the status of the family as a social institution of society, a decrease in its importance in the hierarchy of value guidelines is considered.

It is the decision family problems usually comes first for people. Among the most common categories of problems in family life are conflicts that arise between partners, parents and children, sons and daughters. The value of family relationships should be the highest value of individuals forming the social unit of society.

Love, psychological compatibility, spiritual harmony and communicative interaction between parents are considered one of the main factors preventing protracted conflicts and the emotional basis of raising a child in a family. In a relationship where spouses treat each other with love, the relationship between children in the family will be friendly and benevolent, based on love and a sense of belonging to the same family.

At the very beginning of family life, the first problem that arises for newlyweds is the division of responsibilities, which in any case have to be fulfilled. Often partners have different ideas about who should take care of household responsibilities, as a result of which conflicts arise on this basis.

Next problematic situation production becomes family values and moral guidelines from those that are truly important for each of the partners.

In the process of resolving family conflicts, one gets to know the partner from a new perspective, discovering his character traits that were previously invisible.

Also, after the birth of a baby, family life is threatened by conflicts and problems. After all, when a woman, in addition to the role of a wife, also acquires the role of a mother, her attention switches from her husband to the baby, which is very strongly experienced by men.

Conflict or acute negative attitude between children in the family also provokes quarrels between spouses who do not understand that the reason for the cool relationship between children is often the parents themselves.

Speaker of the Medical and Psychological Center "PsychoMed"

Hello, dear readers! Remember from Tolstoy: everything happy families similar to each other, and each unhappy woman is unhappy in her own way? Here we live, enjoying happy moments, trying to withstand the problems that have piled up, but we certainly dream of an ideal home, almost without thinking, what kind of relationships should there be in a normal family.

What should we think about this, you say? And so everything is clear - the characteristics of an exemplary family are well known to everyone. But is this really so? I suggest checking whether harmonious relationships reign in your family.

Not a carbon copy

There are no two completely identical families - and this is an axiom. And it will be a huge mistake to try to recreate what you have seen before in your own family relationships. For example, repeat harmonious family relationships parents (read about how to achieve harmony ).

It is quite possible that you chose your husband, subconsciously relying on the image and qualities of your father, and yet your spouse is not your dad, so you should not expect exactly the same behavior from him. The principle also works in reverse side– a wife will never be exactly like her husband’s mother, although a wise woman will try to take the best from her mother-in-law.

You are unique, which means your family is unique, and therefore the relationships in it cannot be typical. And yet there are certain criteria established and followed rules and regulations that distinguish a happy family.

Points of contact

It is absolutely certain that views on some things will not coincide. Even if at first it seems that “we look at the world exactly the same,” over time, differences are bound to emerge. But in a normal family, people will definitely find compromises and will not impose their vision on their partner.

Let's say she loves to spend her holidays on a sun lounger on an exotic beach, and he loves to raft on mountain lakes and spend the night in a tent under the stars. There is no need to quarrel and spend your holidays separately, because you can find an option that both parties will like. For example, rent a secluded chalet at a spa resort, where there are many relaxation programs, and at the same time extreme tourist excursions are organized for restless guests.

Balance of power

How many times have you read that in an ideal family, spouses have equal rights? How many couples do you see this in? I couldn’t remember a single example - in all of them the role of head of the family is played by either a man or a woman. And yet they live in absolute harmony.

It is difficult to talk about happiness in a particular family, because people can pretend that everything suits them. But if they have lived together for decades, maybe a relationship where one dominates the other is not the worst option? And you don’t have to try to prove every day who’s boss. It’s better to make sure that your advice has value and your other half will certainly listen to it.

About love

In psychology textbooks you will certainly come across the phrase: family relationships are based on love. But this feeling is so many-sided and changeable, which means that it is not at all a fact that it will become a reliable foundation for a normal family. And here trust in husband and a wife, in my opinion, is much more reliable than the ephemeral concept of love, but I won’t dwell on trust here, since I previously posted a very informative and detailed .

I am sure that in your circle there are couples who love each other “to madness”, and the relationship between them is comparable to a boiling pot - turn up the heat a little, and it will start to splash so much over the edge that it will scald those standing next to you. I wouldn’t talk about the normality of their relationship, although when you look at them, they still seem to live without giving a damn.

Of course, we all imagine what are there relationship at the very beginning. The inspiring feeling of falling in love literally pulls the rug out from under your feet. It seems that with a sweetheart there is heaven in a hut, but with your beloved it is easy to move any mountains. And the warnings of adults that reality is not at all as beautiful as the created ideal are ignored.

Unfortunately, only a few manage to carry that thrill of youth, clouding of mind and heat in the heart into old age. Usually, the first love, with proper care, transforms into and a bunch of other feelings that help you enjoy family life.

This and:

• mutual understanding with his willingness to accept a person as he is (about how to restore mutual understanding I highly recommend reading it );
• trust, when there is absolute confidence in the other half, and there is no room;
• devotion;
• desire to care not only about children, but also about husband (wife).

In the latter case, we are talking not only about giving money to the spouse for shopping (this, in my opinion, is just a manifestation of caring to a lesser extent), but about everyday little things. It seems easy to do them: cover your wife’s feet with a blanket, prepare and bring a mug of hot chocolate, wash the dishes without a scandal. And little things don’t require huge earnings or superpowers. Just a desire to please your loved one.

Is being dependent good or bad?

Who should depend on whom in a normal family? When it comes to healthy codependency , it is quite natural for a husband and wife to depend on each other (read more about the dependence of spouses ). And this dependence is not only material. We are talking about mental and physical closeness, when being away from your loved one you start to get bored, you literally can’t find a place for yourself and try to be close to them as quickly as possible.

There is another dependence - when the desires of one are limited by the impossibility of realizing them. All too often you read on forums and social networks: “I can’t leave because of financial difficulties”, “there is nowhere to move - no housing”, “children are not allowed”. Addiction causes people to stay in their marriages and kill their self-esteem, which is terrible. In conditions of such dependence, most likely, we are no longer talking about normal relationships, but only about a way of survival. And it is very, very difficult to break out of such captivity.

And in sorrow and in joy

Every couple at the beginning of their marriage promises to support each other. Yes, yes, that same oath “about grief and joy.” But is it possible to contain it? But it is important to support each other not only in global issues such as choosing the decor for a country house or the principles of raising children, but also in small things. It is much easier to overcome any challenge shoulder to shoulder.

Ideally, any decision made would be well discussed at a family council in order to develop the right strategy and find best option. But even if one of the parties, for some reason, makes a decision alone, it is worth supporting the bold action, because the person automatically takes responsibility, and not everyone can do this.

Another important point is that a real family should always act as a “united front” in the eyes of others. That is, disputes over what color it will be new car or what to plant in place of an old apple tree that was cut down, even if they can be discussed among outsiders, should not turn into a “battle of the titans.”

What is missing from a normal family?

Special relationships are built between people who respect each other, and there is no place in them:

• a firm conviction: we are different, which means nothing can be fixed;
• phrases: either as I said (a), or - not at all;
• blackmail and mutual reproaches;
• self-affirmation of one at the expense of insult and humiliation of another;
• family scandals, especially in the presence of children or strangers;
• shifting absolutely all household responsibilities onto the shoulders of one.

Family relationships

Description of material: this material can be used to conduct parent meeting at school or class
Family relationships
“You cannot teach a person to be happy, but you can raise him so that he is happy.” A.S. Makarenko

Family is the most important thing a child has!
It's hard to raise children in a difficult place modern world. Problems with work pressure affect parents, and this in turn affects children.
All parents raise their children to the best of their ability and understanding of life, rarely thinking about why in certain situations they act this way and not otherwise. Moreover, in every family there are moments when the behavior of a beloved child baffles an adult. And parents make mistakes from time to time.
Based on how the family influences the child, we can conclude what kind of environment he grows up in: favorable, contradictory, dysfunctional. The child learns norms of behavior, the nature of relationships between people, and value orientations, first of all, in the family.
If he is loved, considered, talked to, played with, then he is open to communication, energetic, inquisitive, healthy, happy, and the development of intellect, feelings, and will is actively taking place. But, unfortunately, this is not always the case, and more often than not this is not how the child’s personality is formed.
In the family, children develop self-awareness and self-esteem, form an image of “I,” and learn the first social norms and rules.
Family relationships - This special kind interactions between people. People interact for different reasons. These can be domestic, business, professional, personal, intimate, sexual and other interactions. In the family, they all focus on the “small space” of family relationships. Due to proximity and everyday interaction, these relationships are specific and very different from the relationships of the same nature, but inherent in strangers, that permeate our entire lives.
Characterizing the relationships between family members, let us turn to psychology. In modern social psychology one can find different types relationships between people. These are cooperation, competition, parity, antagonism, competition. The names of the relationships themselves determine their essence.
Cooperation– the most productive type of family relationships. In this case, all family members are connected by moral and spiritual ties. Mutual understanding, mutual support, mutual respect - these are the main elements of interaction between its members. As a rule, all generations are connected with each other, regardless of whether they live together or separately. Moreover, this connection is primarily spiritual. It is this connection that involves assistance in raising young family members and moral and material support for elderly family members.
Competition in the family moral conditions- an excellent type of relationship, since it activates, first of all, the younger generation to master the knowledge and skills necessary for life. Expecting the results of activities, comparing them, done in a friendly manner, develops the potential of all family members mastering new types of activities.
Competition can also have a positive connotation if its main goal is benevolent rivalry. A person with ambitions, brought up in the moral and spiritual world of the family, cannot turn competition into “survival of the fittest.” But if family members want to dominate, regardless of whether they have the necessary potential for this dominance, such competition leads to the suppression of one family member by another.
Antagonism is seen as a sharp contradiction between family members. As a rule, it leads to misunderstanding and conflicts. Of course, family members forced to live together “resign themselves” to the proposed circumstances. But this is only for a while. At any opportunity, the contradiction intensifies, and the family moves to a new round of intra-family conflicts.
It is characteristic that there are families in which one or another type of relationship is clearly and distinctly manifested. In other families these types may be on the transition side. For example, cooperation can include elements of healthy competitiveness and competition. And parity easily turns into antagonism. Of course, the most favorable type for family development is the “cooperation” type, but also L.N. Tolstoy, in his famous novel Anna Karenina, said that “all happy families are alike, but unhappy families are unhappy in their own way.” Without attempting to argue with the classic, however, I would like to note that the circumstances that shape both happiness and misfortune are different. This means that we can say with complete confidence that there are no similar families. Every family has its own skeleton in the closet, but the difference is that some are able to overcome adversity and resist destructive forces, while others fail to do so. Parents can give the world a happy, successful and healthy person, capable of knowing, creating, acting. Or they can ruin you, limit you and not give you even a small chance to somehow try and prove yourself. Raising a child, perhaps, can be considered a unique philosophy of an individual family. Methods and principles of education have the most significant impact on the formation of a little person’s personality, and therefore on his health and social success in the present and especially in the future.
At A.Ya. Varga, V.V. Stolin understands parental attitude as a system of various feelings towards the child, behavioral stereotypes practiced in communicating with him, the peculiarities of perception and understanding of the child’s character and personality, and his actions. Their classification consists of five scales.
Acceptance-rejection. The scale reflects the integral emotional attitude towards the child. The content of this pole of the scale: the parent likes the child for who he is. The parent respects the child’s individuality and sympathizes with him. The parent strives to spend a lot of time with the child, approves of his interests and plans. At the other pole of the scale: the parent perceives his child as bad, unadapted, unsuccessful. It seems to him that the child will not succeed in life due to low abilities, mental limitations, and bad inclinations. For the most part, the parent feels anger, annoyance, irritation, and resentment towards the child. He doesn't trust or respect the child.
Cooperation. Socially desirable image of parental attitude. In terms of content, this scale is revealed as follows: the parent is interested in the child’s affairs and plans, tries to help him in everything, sympathizes with him. The parent highly values ​​the intellectual and Creative skills child, feels a sense of pride for him. He encourages the child’s initiative and independence and tries to be on an equal footing with him. The parent trusts the child and tries to take his point of view on controversial issues.
Symbiosis. The scale reflects the interpersonal distance in communication with the child. With high scores on this scale, we can assume that the parent is striving for a symbiotic relationship with the child. In essence, this tendency is described as follows: the parent feels like a single whole with the child, strives to satisfy all the needs of the child, to protect him from the difficulties and troubles of life. The parent constantly feels worried about the child; the child seems small and defenseless to him. The parent’s anxiety increases when the child begins to become autonomous due to circumstances, since the parent never gives the child independence of his own free will.
Authoritarian hypersocialization. Reflects the form and direction of control of the child’s behavior. With a high score on this scale, authoritarianism is clearly visible in the parental attitude of this parent. The parent demands unconditional obedience and discipline from the child. He tries to impose his will on the child in everything, unable to take his point of view. A child is severely punished for showing self-will. The parent closely monitors the child’s social achievements, his individual characteristics, habits, thoughts, feelings.
Little loser. Reflects the characteristics of the child’s perception and understanding by parents. With high values ​​for this school, in the parental attitude of this parent there are tendencies to infantilize the child, to attribute to him personal and social failure. The parent sees the child as younger than his actual age. The interests, hobbies, thoughts and feelings of the child seem childish and frivolous to the parent. The child appears to him to be unadapted, unsuccessful, and open to bad influences. The parent does not trust his child and is annoyed at his slowness and ineptitude. In this regard, the parent tries to protect the child from the difficulties of life and strictly controls his actions.
A special relationship develops between parents and children literally from day one. And they will never be like any other relationship. A child is always emotionally dependent on his parents, especially on his mother, which means he is always “under”, while the parents are “above”. Such a situation of subordination is natural. Perhaps this is the most natural and logical of all possible hierarchies. But the formation of the child’s personality and his physical and psychological health.
Families are different Well, at least because they are educated by people with their own unique habits, views and experiences. All family relationships can be divided into several types.
Parents in relationships of the first type easily and naturally adapt to the needs of the child. They are aware of them and give a certain freedom in the development and knowledge of the world around them. Simply put, moms and dads allow more than they prohibit, limiting the freedom of their own child only by the criteria of safety, appropriateness and morality. Children in such families have a wonderful life, you know. They typically develop faster, displaying good cognitive abilities and mature behavioral skills. Such kids are brave, active, inquisitive, because they are provided with all the conditions for development. They are not blamed by their parents in vain and literally from the cradle they know how to build trusting and emotionally warm relationships. Such children are usually called “beloved”, but at the same time such love does not spoil or spoil.
Parents in family relationships of the second type also easily adapt to the needs of the child, however, due to their own tension and hyper-responsibility, they tend to limit the child’s freedom wherever the opportunity presents itself. In such families, parents are not against supporting the initiative and independence of the child, but at the same time, they do not miss the opportunity to demonstrate their own superiority and experience. “Listen to mom, mom won’t give bad advice!” - dominant and sometimes suppressive upbringing becomes the principle of relationships in such a family. As for children, they also easily get used to this policy. Actually, they have no other way. They are also open, cheerful and proactive, but mom and dad play a major role in their “independent” behavior. The last word rarely goes to the little one, and he is well aware of this.
The third type of family relationships is dictated by the hypertrophied sense of duty of parents to the child. In other words, it is important for mom to act as if according to instructions. I'm supposed to feed him three times a day - I'll feed him three times a day. High in calories, tasty and right on time. I'm supposed to read a bedtime story - I'll read it. However, in such seemingly “correct” relationships with a child, coldness attracts attention. Lack of vivid emotions, a true desire to do something from the heart, and not because it is necessary. Needless to say, the baby feels everything. He tries his best to fit in to be loved. The baby is nervous and emotionally dependent. The main educational technique in such families is strict control. Love? Yes, it most often exists, but it is so suppressed by all sorts of “shoulds” and “it’s right” that sometimes there is neither time nor energy left for warm manifestations.
Finally, the fourth type of family relationships shows the saddest picture. The immature attitude of immature and infantile parents towards a child is dictated by everything except common sense: mood, advice from friends, caught a five-minute fragment from a TV show or communication on a forum on the Internet... Parents, and especially mother, behave inconsistently, as if not understanding the essence of their own actions and words. The parenting style can change literally every day, moving from absolute connivance and hysterical love to strict total control and prohibitions. Of course, in such a family the most unfavorable situation develops for the child and, of course, he cannot be calm, successful and “childishly” happy.
As you can see, family relationships are very diverse. Upbringing and the climate within the family influence not only the formation of the child’s personality, but also his health. When someone is sick, the attitude towards this person changes. They feel sorry for him, protect him, and try to help him. And the degree of this help directly depends on the severity of the disease. Accordingly, when a child is sick, it cannot leave his loved ones indifferent. All parents worry and are nervous about even a simple runny nose in their beloved child.
Conclusion:
In conclusion, I would like to remind everyone of the parable: “Once upon a time there was a family. She was not simple. There were more than 100 people in this family. The family was special - peace and harmony reigned in that family. No quarrels, no swearing, no, God forbid, fights and strife. Rumors about this family reached the very ruler of the country. And he decided to check whether people were telling the truth. He arrived in the village, and his soul rejoiced: all around was purity, beauty, prosperity and peace. Good for children, calm for old people. The lord was surprised. I decided to find out how the villagers achieved such harmony, came to the head of the family and asked: “Tell me, how do you achieve such harmony and peace in your family?” The head of the family took a piece of paper and began to write something. Having finished writing, he handed the sheet to the bishop. He took the paper and began to sort out the old man’s scribbles. I took it apart with difficulty and was surprised. Three words were written on the paper: “LOVE, FORGIVENESS, PATIENCE.” And at the end of the sheet: “A hundred times LOVE, a hundred times FORGIVENESS, a hundred times PATIENCE.” The bishop read it, scratched his ear, as usual, and asked: “And that’s all?”
“Yes,” answered the old man, “this is the basis of the life of every good family,” and, after thinking, he added, “and the world too.”
To all parents, we wish you love, forgiveness, patience and peace!

Appendix No. 1.
Tips for parents
1. Love your child, and let him never doubt it.
2. The main goal of education is a happy person.
3. Education without respect is suppression.
4. Accept your child for who he is, with all his strengths and weaknesses.
5. Rely on the best in the child, believe in his capabilities.
6. Strive to understand your child, put yourself in his place.
7. Create conditions for the child’s success, give him the opportunity to feel strong, skillful, and lucky.
8. Do not try to realize your unfulfilled dreams and desires in your child.
9. Don’t look for a magic wand: education should be systematic.
10. Remember that it is not words that educate, but personal example.
11. Do not compare your child with other children, especially do not use them as an example.
12.Remember that every child is unique and unique.
13. Treasure your child’s trust, protect his secrets, never betray your child.
14. Children should be better than us, and they should live better.
15. Remember that YOU are responsible for raising your child.
*****
Do not show your child ostentatious politeness and sensitivity. Very soon he will begin to imitate you and do the same, first of all, towards you.
Don't be rude or use foul language yourself. Your habit will become your child's habit.
Don't speak badly or disrespectfully about strangers. If you set an example for your child in this, expect that very soon he will say the same about you.
Be considerate towards other people. This is a lesson to your child about kindness and humanity.
Don't be afraid to apologize to someone in front of your child. At this moment, you do not lose anything, you only gain the respect of your child.
Remember that behavior is a mirror that reflects the true appearance of everyone!
*****
Parental authority, combined with love, sets certain boundaries that help the child accept correct solution, make your own choice.
Love. Tenderness and affection give children confidence that they are loved.
Attention. By making time for your children, you show them that you need them.
Responsibility. By your example, you teach children to be responsible, disciplined, and to control themselves.
Admiration for girls and pride for boys develops a sense of self-worth.
Unconditional love develops self-confidence and gives a feeling of security.
*****
From the first days of life, every child goes through his first, and therefore most important school: the school of the family. And you are the first, most important and fateful teachers. Don't miss the time when your children believe that their parents know and can do everything. Don't betray their trust!
Help the child, who he is, whose he is, where he comes from, how he was born, what he should be like as a rational being.
Instill in your child by word, show by example: not to do evil, not to commit a bad deed is quite simple if you live by the principle: do unto others as you would like them to do unto you.
With word and example, help make sure: everyone is able to perform a miracle - to make the life of someone in their environment a little brighter, warmer, more comfortable.
Exercise your child in sympathy, in complicity, encourage your example to good deeds. Help me understand and love my home, its way of life, its routines and traditions.
Help your child fall in love with the land on which his home stands, on which his ancestors walked and left it to us as an inheritance.
Dear parents! It is difficult to overestimate the role of the family and especially the maternal school in the upbringing of a person. Remember: He who is blind at home will not see anything outside his walls.